Page 38 of Gift from the Wing

“His memories…How are you handling that?”

“If I spill, you spill,” he says, narrowing his eyes on me. The look screams I’m not getting out of talking about my own shit if he’s going to talk about his.

Fuck it.

“I’m mad. So fucking mad. But I’m also happy. I’m confused, yet I understand it all,” I groan, pulling at my roots, searching for the words. “I had you, the guys, Gaster, and Uncle Orien. I was so far gone mentally, if it hadn’t been for you all, I would’ve given in to the call of darkness a long time ago. I would’ve laid waste to every rebel I could find, then I would’ve taken myself to the beyond. The four of you kept me tethered. Especially Uncle Orien. He didn’t badger me to talk or tell him anything. I have a feeling it’s because the fucker knew, but he didn’t push. He fed my need to be more, to be stronger by giving me knowledge.

“He was a safe place for me. He was the person I knew I didn’t have to speak to, but he’d know what I needed. The timelines to when it wasobvious he was splitting his time between us and Willow, to gradually becoming more time spent with her add up in my mind to when she turned fourteen and she emerged. Now that we saw his memories, I have no doubt that’s why he talked to Mom and taught me how to use my shadows to evade her.

“He knew I’d need some space, a distraction to keep me from tailing him constantly like he’d caught me doing time and time again. Yeah, I’m pissed just like you that we were kept in the dark. I’ve felt for years that he abandoned me. I told myself I was getting too old to need him so much anyways and I let that fester into hatred. Not that I truly hated him. I just hated that I felt like he was leaving me. Now…” I trail off, gulping because I don’t know if I can continue.

Corentin doesn’t push. He waits me out, but I need another minute to collect myself, so I nod to him, silently telling him to say something.

“I feel free,” he says softly. “I’ve blamed myself for his death for so many years. I’ve blamed myself for your kidnapping. I’ve blamed myself for a lot, and part of me still takes some of the blame, but I think that’s simply because I don’t know any different yet. Regrettably, I’ll admit, I didn’t notice his absence the way you did, but it also didn’t feel like an absence to me.

“Every time I saw him, he knew exactly what I’d been up to, so I guess it made the time feel less extended. Now that we know what we know, I’m pretty sure that was purposeful. If I had caught wind that he kept disappearing more and more, I’d have obsessed over it until I found him. So he paved the way for that not to happen. Watching what we did this morning freed me from my guilt of not having breakfast with him. It freed me from beating myself up over not spending more time with him. He was taking care of Willow, while we learned to take care of ourselves.”

His words settle the one thing in my mind that’s made this entire revelation bearable for me.

Her.

Without him, where would she be? What all wouldn’t she have been protected from? Before he died, he loved her, cared for her, nurtured the already resilient, strong, and formidable personality she had. I thought shewas crazy as shit when she first arrived and was taking everything in stride, but now I just know, that’s my Primary. That’s how she survived. Nothing can beat her down. Not even a realm full of magical beings and monsters in the dark.

“I guess the only thing I struggle with now is how I spent years being resentful toward him, when really, he was doing everything in his power to protect us, prepare our future for us. Knowing the truth, I know, she needed him more than I did.

“My Primary didn’t get the luxury of only suffering for thirty-three days. She endured twenty years. Bottling it up and moving along to survive, keep herself as safe as she could. Now I know it’s very possible she’s only here with us because of him. I think I’m madder at myself for acting like a child. Being mad at him when he was busy saving my soul.” I scoff, disgusted with myself.

I don’t just mean the soul that tethers me to this realm, to our creator. I mean the soul that resides in her. It’s mine as well. She is my soul. I am hers. I belong to her. She’s the very reason for my beating heart that’s slowly but surely pumping red instead of black.

“In his memory, he hoped and prayed one day I’d forgive him. There’s nothing for me to forgive Core. If anything, it’s his forgiveness I seek. I hope he knows how much I love him, look up to him, and how grateful I am for him.”

My lungs deflate with my omission, and another blackened piece of my soul seems to flourish. There’s too much truth in front of me now to continue holding onto unwanted, undeserved bitterness. My uncle didn’t nor does he now deserve my misplaced hatred.

The air that I continue to exhale sends a crackling of magic pulsing through the room. Magic that doesn’t belong to either of us, and in milliseconds, Corentin and I are on our feet, gifts at the ready faster than the speed of sound.

Following the low, shimmering light, my eyes land on a ball of magic circling in my empty bookshelf. With confident strides, we clear the room just as the magic dissolves and I halt my steps, frozen in time as I stare down at the envelope with my name scripted across it.

My hands tremble as my fingers run over the cream-colored parchment. It’s been waiting for me to see my truth, find my way, my soul, and now…it’s here.

“Sneaky bastard. He knew I wouldn’t seek solace in the room he made for me just yet,” I whisper as my eyes trace his handwriting. Taking a steady breath, then blowing it out softly, I command my shadows to take it to my pocket dimension. “Later.”

“I’m so proud of you, Caspian,” Corentin says seriously.

Casting my gaze to him, I swallow the lump forming in my throat. Honestly, I nearly choke on it, but nonetheless, he doesn’t call me out. He just stares at me with those whiskey eyes that match mine and even in the darkened room, they shine bright.

“Thanks, Core,” I say before chuckling when he grunts at the pulse of pleasure that pumps through our bonds. “Seems the naughty little Primary is getting the distraction she needed.”

“She deserves all the distractions we can give her. A whole other side of her life just opened back up and I have no idea if it’s a good or a bad thing.”

“Let’s be honest, probably both. If the past few months are anything to go by, something good is always accompanied by something bad and vice versa. I’m happy she’s finally getting her answers, but it’ll come at an emotional cost. One I wish she didn’t have to face right now. We just bonded, for fuck’s sake.”

“I’ll make time for us, I swear. I won’t let this war consume every second. Even if we have to steal moments of time, I’ll make it so.” He swears seriously.

“I know you will.” I grip his shoulder tightly and turn us toward the door.

I have a Primary to punish for scaring me today.

At least that’s what I’m going to tell her.

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