Page 196 of Gift from the Wing

My eyes widen as the description Keeper gave us comes barreling to the front of my mind and my heart pounds in sync with the thud of Oakly’s bond.

This has to be it.

The Gods’ Binding.

The Gods.

“It’s from the Valorian Veil,” I whisper. I don’t have to see any other information to know that. The name of the relic spells it out.

She quickly flips the book back around to her and begins skimming over the next page silently as I sit here tapping my foot, waiting for her to speak.

“Willy, this has to be it. According to this, the relic was used as a method of binding the Gods’ power as a form of punishment when found guilty of neglectful use of their powers. I got to take this to Gaster and get Keeper to confirm this is it,” she says low, hopping up from her seat, and I follow suit, but she shoots me a look.

“No, ma’am. I know it’s been a rough few days, but you’re trying to procrastinate because you don’t want to continue failing. You’re not failing, by the way. Some roadblocks have been put in front of you, but you’re going to figure it out. Stay, study, meditate, talk to CC even if he won’t respond. Do something that’ll get your mind right and I’ll be back.”

I deflate as she gives me a little finger wave and transports out faster than I can argue. I could obviously follow her anyways, but I don’t. She’s right and her words cause frustrated tears to spring in my eyes.

It’s not just that, though. With her gone, the room feels so empty, lonely.

I never feel lonely even when I ask for alone time from the guys, but today is hitting me harder than usual. This feeling doesn’t have anything to do with them. It’s all me and the wave of grief that my inability to make any progress has brought forth. It intensifies when I gaze over at my willow tree and memories start fluttering across my mind.

He’d know what to do. He always did.

Talk to him. That’s all I can do, even if he doesn’t answer.

Scoopingup my mom’s book, I make my way around the couch and drop down at the trunk of my tree. I lean my head back against the steady, familiar bark and breathe through the longing, begging the tears to stop.

“You know, if you were here, you’d be laughing or mocking me right now. You’d say some inspirational shit that would both piss me off and make me feel better. You’d pick me up, dust me off, and wipe away these stupid, pointless tears. You’d tell me it was just my frustration leaving my body and it’s okay to cry. No one will hurt or punish me for crying.

“How many times do you think we sat against my tree in the clearing, and you had to hold me while I broke down? Probably more times than I can recall, even with my memories. Whether it was something Franklin did, or I had a bad day at school, or I just couldn’t get something right that you were trying to teach me. You were always there for me. Fuck…you were the best. I’m not asking you to make any decision or tell me exactly what to do. I just need you to be here now.”

My sigh is sad, small, and I aggressively wipe away my tears. It’s an irrational feeling, I know, but I can’t help as a surge of anger bubbles through me. I feel abandoned. By Elementra, by CC, by my mom. I’ve tried to be understanding, take each thing thrown at me and carry on, but this full stop, radio silence, is hard.

I’ve gone years now without my memories of him, then they’re returned, and I get told he’s going to be here for me, but when I need guidance navigating unfamiliar territory, I get nothing.

I don’t need him to make decisions for me. I just need my…

My dad. He was my dad.

And he knew my mom, even if it was just a little. He could talk me through this. Tell me a little about her so I could figure this out on my own.

In my heart, I know her book was left behind for Lyker to find and give to me. I can’t accept it was the one and only coincidence I’ve ever experienced in Elementra. It had to be left for me.

Honestly, I believe a part of me was desperately thinking I’d get a small taste of what it would be like to have them both in my life together.

Her book, his guidance. Both helping me along the way.

I want my dad and…I need my momma.

My heart cracks open with my internal confession.

I need him. I need her.

I’ve needed them my entire existence and now that I’ve had a glimpse into their lives, I want even more. Holding this piece of bound leather that I know belonged to her, in a room he created just for me, I need it opened so I can hold a piece of them close to my heart.

Wiping my tear-drenched face, I take a deep breath, inhaling the faint scent of his room that lingers on my clothes, and I press my nose against the cover and wonder if this is what she smelled like.Rain.

Not just any rain, though.

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