Page 168 of Gift from the Wing

Taking a deep breath, I follow the breathing technique until our inhales and exhales sync up, and my racing heart slows.

“You have to find inner balance, my boy. In the moments that feel too much, too overwhelming, sad, angering, bitter. Those are the moments when your reactions mean the most. If you let the actions or words of others always bother you to this level of anger, you’re never going to be able to encompass the greatness lingering inside of you.”

The pressure building behind my eyes continues to get harder to fight back, but I try my best not to let the tears fall. I try to do what she says daily, but it’s days like today, when too many emotions hit me at once. It’s hard to balance them.

First, I was overjoyed to hear they believe theyfound Cas, then I was heartbroken to hear he’s at a location they assume to be some sort of lab, then I was pissed they told me I couldn’t go.

It was swift changes that I couldn’t settle all at once.

“I don’t know how,” I say quietly, and although I can’t see them, the vibrations in the ground tell me they’re all shifting closer to me.

“Take another deep breath, then follow this pattern,” Wesling says, and I follow. “In through your nose, out through your mouth. Breathe in, hold it, and let it out slowly. Do that until your mind silences.”

In through my nose, out through my mouth.

Repeatedly, I do as I’m told until silence.

“Good, Tillman. Now feel the ground beneath you. Not its power, not your power, just the strength of it. It’s always there, carrying you, no matter what,” Mom murmurs.

I focus on the earth and push the pounding of my element in my chest to the back of my mind. If given the chance, it’ll come out and call to its source.

After a few moments, the cool dirt calms the fever in my blood and my fingers wiggle around playfully in the soil. I focus on the way it feels constant, solid, yet, despite how strong, almost indestructible it is, it gives so much life.

It’s nurturing, comforting. I feel the thrumming energy it puts off flowing through my veins.

“That’s it, my boy. Good job, continue to focus on that balanced peace it brings,” my mom whispers not to break my concentration.

Pulling my fingers from the ground, I lay my palm flat on the grass, and instead of trying to mold it or bend it to my own will, I let it hold me up. I let it take away my frustration, my anger, my overwhelming thoughts and the constant noises, and I allow its blissful balance to consume me.

“Very good. Your will is always going to be your greatest asset, but you must know when to wield it. When is the right time, what is the right thing to do, who will be affected by the choices I make. You must balance yourself, your magic, your gift, your element, everything before you make those decisions. Accept the things you can’t control or change, and the things that you can, accept it fully and own it. Be so sure of yourself that everyone else has no otherchoice but to be sure of you as well. If you do that, son, then you can always be confident in anything you do.”

Breathing out, I finally let my tears fall.

“I will, Momma. I promise. I’m sorry for yelling at you. All of you. It’s just…he’s my best friend, my brother. I need to be there for him. He needs me.”

“I know, and I’m sorry for making my decision based on your reaction without considering that you and Corentin are struggling. This hasn’t been easy for either of you, and in times of worry like we’re facing, it’s easy to forget the feelings of everyone involved. I know you’re more than capable of joining us. I let my fear of what could happen cloud my judgment first without thinking it through. I’m still learning, just like you’re still learning, baby—in a realm that slows down for no one. But I’m so proud of you, Tillme, and I always will be.”

Twenty-Three

Willow

Fading out of that memory is like tearing myself away from the realm’s most comforting embrace.

Tilly’s patience and understanding as a mother and Primary is unmatched, and now knowing more of what she went through prior to even Tillman’s existence is just a testament to how she chose to grow as a person.

Fuck, I am so incredibly blessed to know such an amazing woman.

Even if I can’t know her directly.

Blinking my watery eyes open, they collide with shimmering emeralds and the shine to them makes my heart clench painfully.

Teenage Tillman is nothing like the man sitting before me now. Never have the guys made comments about him being unbalanced or impatient. Nosy, always eavesdropping and calling people out, yes—but all I’ve ever heard is how my gentle giant has an impenetrable will and more patience and understanding in his pinky than most have in their lifetimes.

“Are you okay?” I ask quietly.

“I will be, little warrior. Once I get it all off my chest, I’ll find what I’m looking for once again,” he says, wiping the stray tears from my cheeks.

“That day…Talk about being torn and unbalanced. I was riddled with guilt, anger, sadness, happiness. I simply didn’t know what to feel. Part of me was so happy, thankful Caspian was okay and we got him back. The other part was consumed by grief. I wanted to die right along with them,” he mumbles and closes his eyes.

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