Page 43 of Gift from the Nexus

No. Fuck no. Not again.

Five…four…three…two…one.

I force my body to find some semblance of control. Throwing my gift back in its cage, I order my feet to move over to my desk. Don’t look anywhere but at your desk.

Multiple missed calls, messages, updates flood in as soon as I unlock the communicator and I throw myself into it. Letting the time pass by in a blur as afternoon falls to night outside mywindow, I deal with the aftermath of the day and begin planning, preparing the things that need to happen next.

Reading through the reports that continue to come in, my throat closes as the realization of what truly transpired today becomes clearer and clearer.

Ninety-six hostages were brought into the healing wing. Some are far worse off than others, but there’re some who just recently had been moved into the same prison Willow was in, and they’ll make a full recovery easily. They’ll possibly be reunited with their families tonight or tomorrow.

Thirteen out of the twenty hostages who were taken from Crestwood were amongst the group that was rescued from the Aquaria hotspot and those thirteen are still coherent enough to confirm that the other seven were still alive and as well as you could be in that situation, when they were separated.

San and Nikoli are already starting to work on detecting the ingredients in the Bane of Essence tonic, while Jamie helps in the healing wing for now. Gaster’s already recruited multiple highly gifted earth elements to start rebuilding the training fields and gym, plus has suspended classes for the remainder of the week.

Over and over, I read through everything. The daunting, undeniable realization hits me like a ton of bricks directly to the heart.

None of this would’ve been possible without her sacrifice. Without her willingness to give herself over, every positive thing that’s come from today would’ve never happened.

It’s a pill I can’t seem to swallow.

Every part of me rebels at the idea of being grateful, proud of this outcome because look what happened to her. It’s a nasty thought, one that goes against everything I believe, everything I stand for, but nonetheless I think it.

I wish she wouldn’t have. Everyone else be damned.

Slamming the communicator down, I decide to call it a night, convincing myself that sleep will fix the loss of control I’m experiencing and when I wake up tomorrow, I’ll be fine.

I know it’s a lie. I feel the pressure my gift is putting on my skin, my mind. I know until I satisfy its need to be let completely loose, it’ll continue to cause this reaction in me. It doesn’t fucking help that the sheets on my bed are the exact same as hers, crafted to perfection by Tillman, yet they’re rough, and no matter the tossing and turning, I can’t get comfortable.

I try every trick in the book, from counting down, running through my to-do list, checking off things that’ve been taken care of, prioritizing what needs to happen next, but nothing works.

Lying there with my eyes shut tightly, I sense Caspian rather than see him, the scent of Willow everywhere on him, making my bond thrash in my chest wildly, but I don’t bother opening my eyes, hoping that if he thinks I’m asleep, he’ll just leave. When my bed dips, I almost crack, knowing good and well this little shit is not about to crawl into bed with me, but then he speaks.

“Sleep tight, little Primary.” He and his shadows disappear back where they came from, and I hold my breath.

Five, four, three, two, one.

“I know you’re awake,” she whispers.

“You should be in bed, your bed, sleeping, princess,” I say, blinking my eyes open, allowing them to readjust to the dimly lit room.

“I couldn’t. Not without you.”

Tangling my fist in the sheets, I try to regulate my breathing, my bond, myself because I know she feels it all, and she shouldn’t be worrying about me. She needs to be worrying about herself healing, sleeping, and doing absolutely nothing else.

“I’m fine, Willow. Let me take you back to your room,” I say calmly, but as I go to sling the covers off me, her hand gently holds me in place.

“Don’t shut me out, Core. Please, I need you, and I know you need me.”

“I don’t—”

“Don’t…don’t say those words to me,” she pleads.

There’s no doubt she knows I was getting ready to say I didn’t need her, and that’s a fucking lie. The biggest possible lie I could ever say or think. Of course I need her. I need her more than my next breath.

I have her hauled up and pressed to my chest faster than she can take another breath. No matter how I may be feeling right now, I refuse to take my emotions out on her.

“I’m sorry. I’m…struggling with everything that happened today.” I clench my teeth as the words taste foul coming from my mouth.

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