Page 181 of Gift from the Nexus

I’ve replayed the distraught look on his face that I saw in my memory over and over. He would’ve given his life for mine in that moment. His guilt is a weight I’ve allowed him to carry because of my own selfishness when it’d only take me one conversation to tell him he couldn’t have changed anything that happened, but it means everything to me that he tried.

I will tell him. Just not today.

Today, I’m going to watch him twirl our true Primary through this pool like they’re orbiting the sun together. I’ll bask in their happiness and mimic it as if it’s my own.

Which honestly, it is my own.

I’m happier now than I’ve ever recalled being in my life.

Thanks to her. Thanks to him. Thanks to all of them.

Once I annihilate the fucking Mastery, nothing will ever come in the way of our happiness again.

Twenty-Eight

Willow

What the hell is wrong with me?

I don’t know what’s going on, but I’ve been more emotional since bonding with Caspian than I have since I first arrived and didn’t realize there was a bond growing in me. I thought this shit was supposed to disappear. I was supposed to be balanced, stable, and not sitting on the bathroom floor crying like a lunatic.

Of course not, though.

Something shifted in me when I used everything I possess to hit the Summum-Master and I’ve been unsettled since. Everything makes me want to cry and cuddle up on the guys’ laps. I get so overwhelmed. I want to scream. And it’s only getting worse.

I’ve resorted to shutting it down because I’m moments away from snapping for no reason. Well, I do have a couple legitimate reasons, but for the most part, everything that keeps bothering me is silly. Like I was moments from crying this morning when Caspian gave me that rose. It took every ounce of willpower I had not to throw myself at him in a fit of tears.

Then when he yelled at me—well, yelled is a touch dramatic—spoke firmly to me, I really did lose it. I’ve had to suck it up all day so I wouldn’t pull some shit like that again.

Fucking ridiculous.

The logical thing to do is clear my mind, settle myself down so I can focus on what’s important. But am I doing that? Nope. I’m obsessively, and I do mean frantically obsessing over the four, well, three presents in front of me.

As the gift I’m trying to make for Draken breaks again, so do I. Stupid, useless tears stream down my face as I hold the remnants of the ring in my hand. It’s dumb and silly, but I became overpowered tonight with the need to give them something, express my love. I feel like I’m going to suffocate if I don’t do something for all of them. So thanks to my new little upgrade, I had the brilliant idea of making them rings that are infused with all my elements and gifts that can manifest into something like they made my bracelet.

This little project, though, is going to be the death of me or I’m going to end up exploding in this bathroom like a bomb. I’ve been blocking my emotions and thoughts as best as I can because they’re chaos at this point. I’d probably give the guysa heart attack if they sensed everything going on with me right now.

They know I like to take leisurely baths, but I’m pushing it at this point. I did take a bath like I said I was going to, but now, I’ve been on the floor for an hour, trying to get these rings right.

Please, for the love of fucking everything, Elementra, just work with me.

Blowing out a steady breath, trying to calm myself down, I try once more.

First, I call up my earth to build the foundation of the ring. It needs to be strong, indestructible. Because this one is Draken’s, I form small little red crystals that symbolize our bond and shape them into a dragon that looks like it’s flying around the ring, chasing a silver one.

For Corentin, I used blue fine-cut gems to make the shape of a coffee mug. Everyone who sees it will know what it means. It’s our thing. It’s more than him just making my favorite drink to perfection. He listens to all my needs and goes above and beyond to make sure I have everything I could possibly need or want. He’s my guiding light, starting from the moment I open my eyes in the morning till well past the time they close at night.

With Tillman’s, I used different shades of green to form a tree. It looks like the tree in the clearing that hides and holds his escape that he’s made ours. It’s our sanctuary. At the bottom of the tree, I put in one purple gem that represents the Willowrrie flower he helped me plant. He’ll teach me how to tend to it on my own, but he’ll also care for it tenderly, strengthen it, make it become its most independent self, just like he does me.

And for Cas, throughout his whole ring, I embedded white light that randomly burst through the shadows that take up the entire surface. When the light shines through, you catch a glimpse of my purple flame, and my air element keeps theshadows moving constantly. I’ll always show him the way home to me.

Tying all the components together perfectly then solidifying everything is what I’ve been struggling with. They each fell apart like ten times before I finally got it to work and I’m going to snap if it happens again.

Calling on my air, I lift the ring off the ground and have it hover in front of me so both of my hands are free. Then I bring up both dragons, positioning them just slightly off the base. I use my flame next to coat the silver dragon, so it looks like me.

Releasing my breath and clutching my fist to keep my hands from shaking, I weave together strands of my light, shadows, and water. I gently place the braid of gifts and element behind the dragons because when they cross together like this, it looks like they’re flying in a shady forest above a stream. I don’t get my hopes up just yet when it doesn’t fall apart because this next part is where I seem to fuck it all up.

As softly as I possibly can, I blow just a small amount of air behind everything and wait.

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