Page 142 of Gift from the Nexus

I stay in the darkness of my mind and let it all out.

My soul becomes a tsunami, crashing against the shore that’s all my pain, my heartache, my hatred, for not only the Mastery or for her, but for myself. It’s the ultimate force of nature and I let it demolish everything in its path.

It tears down my cities, my walls, my prisons that I’ve built for myself to keep me protected. Their coverage has allowed me to never be vulnerable, exposed, and I allow it all to be broken. Destroyed.

I want to drown in the water that’s flowing through me. Never to come up again for a breath if it means I still must face my own agony every day. If I must continue to live in such misery over what was done to me, I’d rather never surface again.

I should’ve listened to Corentin and Tillman.

I never should’ve distanced myself from them.

I’ve never told my brother I didn’t blame him for not reaching me.

I never should’ve believed that my parents would seriously arrange a Primary for us.

I should’ve studied more so I knew more about what a Primary was, chosen or true.

The ceremony. The rune. The vampire. Keeper.

The truth hits me like a ton of bricks. I’d blocked as much of that night out as I could. I tried to erase it from my mind. But all I did was erase the important parts and held on to the agony. The inklings I’ve had. They all click into place.

Elementra, please take me away.

As the prayer for death that I’ve said so many times crosses my mind, my soul rebels. In the depths of my very being, a shift crashes through me.

A storm not of my own creation.

Its power is immaculate, pure, righteous, and in one swift move, it paralyzes my tsunami. Fires from the core of this realmdry up all my water. New vegetation, grass, trees shoot through the dirt and spread new life everywhere my eye can see. And finally with one whip of its wind, the destruction is cleared away, and the freshest air I’ve ever breathed fills my lungs.

My eyes fly open wide as I take a gasping, dire breath. It’s without my command and my chest expands thankfully because I couldn’t breathe on my own. I was suffocating.

My gaze collides with the most stunning sight I’ve ever had the privilege of seeing and the pure air freezes in my chest.

With her hand firmly placed on my chest, my Primary’s hair blows behind her as her body glows in a halo of light and her purple eyes stare straight through me.

She’s the storm.

Releasing a breath so intense, the poisonous fumes that have been living in my lungs for eighteen years are forced out by the air Willow’s pushing through me. I suck it all up, letting it clean out the rest of my sullied system.

My next exhale seems to blow away the power radiating around her. The wild winds turn to gentle breeze as her shine dims and when her purple eyes fade, they leave behind her silver irises. They’re glistening, and I’m petrified to see what’s reflected in them, but I force myself to sink into their depths.

There’s so much to find in them, but the only thing I’m truly searching for is nowhere to be found.

The weight of her concern caresses my heart because that’s all it truly is. Concern. There’s no pity. She’s very much upset about what she saw, which I knew would be the case. I was only a teenager after all, but still, she doesn’t pity me.

“You won’t find that from me, Cas. I know exactly what you feel, and I’d never want your pity. I’ll show you the same courtesy,” she whispers, reaching her hand up to trace her fingers down my wet cheeks.

“Thank you,” I murmur against her fingertips when I press them to my lips. “You’ve given me almost all my answers, Primary.”

The word rolls off my tongue because that’s what she is. She is my Primary. My true Primary. A woman so deserving of the title, I vow to spend the rest of my life making sure she knows exactly what that truly means to me.

“What do you mean?” she asks softly.

“The rape, the torture, I remembered it all. But a different version of it. I blocked out being taken to that forest and stripped bare. I’d blocked out Keeper’s role in it. I’ve shoved it so far into the depths of my tortured memories, I couldn’t place my finger on everything, but you just brought it all to light. Everything we’ve discovered makes more sense now, at least most of it, and it’s all because of you.

“When I was rescued and the drugs cleared from my system, I was so angry. So fucking angry, Primary. I decided then and there I was no longer going to be clueless and allow myself to be put in that situation again. I read up on everything I could get my hands on. Gifts, elements, how our magic works, how to strengthen a Nexus bond between its members. I threw myself into everything. I was probably eighteen when I finally pieced together what her gift was. How it was she fooled me so easily. It was the one and only piece I put together by myself. It made me angrier, more violent. I needed my answers, but the rebel group was no more than ghosts, they were so secretive. I’ve been hunting for my answers, but they were locked in my mind until just now.

“She was always a pawn the Mastery used to get closer to me. Her gift is Figuration. She can make herself look older, younger, change her voice. They sent in a nobody with an incredibly powerful gift to draw out the easiest target.

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