Page 136 of Gift from the Nexus

“I never would’ve assumed that on my own. You asking me that, though, makes me think that was the case amongst your mischievous years.” She smiles.

“It was. I wouldn’t read a thing unless absolutely necessary for school. Even then I’d try my hardest to get out of it. It infuriated Gaster to no end.”

“That’s a drastic change from now. I don’t think a day’s gone by where I don’t see you reading. What changed?” she asks, but the grin she’s wearing slowly disappears as she works it out on her own.

Nodding at her, no words pass between us. I make my way to the edge of my bed and sit down, taking a deep breath.

“As hard as it is to believe, Primary, reading, having knowledge of the things that make this realm what it is, was the last thing on my mind at one point in time. It wasn’t until after my kidnapping that I dove into researching everything I could get my hands on. My ignorance is what led to what happened.”

Shaking my head out and linking my fingers together to ground myself, I get up the courage to just let it all fall out. There’s no point dwelling on just the beginning. I’ve kicked myself long enough for not knowing better and believing the lie so easily.

“One day, I went out on my own to the forest behind the palace. Typically, I wasn’t allowed to go out there without either Corentin or Tillman, but our parents had them distracted doing something. So I shadowed out the palace undetected. I thought I was hot shit for my ability to fool the guards, all the adults,” I say with a dark chuckle and look down at my feet for a moment before forcing my eyes back up to hers. “I wish I’d never gone out there that day.”

“Why?” she whispers.

“Because she was waiting for me.”

Closing my eyes, I take multiple deep breaths to wash away her scent that instantly invades my senses every time I think about her. Just as always, that smell triggers the feeling of being trapped, vulnerable, at someone else’s mercy and a tsunami rises in me. It takes everything in me to be able to fight the darkness that’s starting to cloud my vision, pleading with me to come home.

I want to throw up, scream, punch something. Fucking rage. Do anything that’ll make the sickening feeling that’s rising in my chest just go away. The parts that come next are hazy from either the drugs she forced down my throat or from my mind blocking the trauma.

That fog is clearing out by the second the more I think about it, though.

It’s becoming crystal clear.

I can’t do this.

As though the sun has suddenly entered my space, light shines blindingly behind my lids, and I peel my eyes open to find Willow lit up like a Star gem, with both of her hands cupping my face. She’s radiating pure power and I’m positive she’s shining brighter in this moment than my brother has in all his life. It’s fucking captivating and all I can do is stare at her in awe.

She’s my light. She’s my moon.

“You don’t have to continue, Cas. You don’t have to put yourself through that. I don’t have to have your story to know who I am to you or to know how much I mean to you. You don’t owe me or anyone else anything,” she swears.

“No one but Elementra knows it all, Primary. I know now that she’s chosen the parts she wanted to share with you. It’s up to me to share the rest. I need someone to know my whole story. I need it to be you.”

Those silver eyes I cling to desperately stare through me so intently, I feel it all the way to the depths of my soul where teenage me lives and grows restless. He’s so ready to be set free, become one with the me I am now.

“Okay then, Cas. Show me,” she whispers.

My world seems to become weightless and relief spreads everywhere throughout my body. She’s giving me an easier route. Show instead of tell. It’s going to be hard for her to watch, but she knows that. She’s willing to be my light through this dark past.

“If you allow me to do this, there’s no cutting it off, Cas. I may be able to speed through the things I’ve already seen, but for the most part, we’ll be bystanders in your mind. Watching everything through your eyes. Are you sure?”

I nod, my voice failing to answer for me.

“I need more than that,” she says softly, tracing her thumbs under my eyes. “I need your words.”

“Go ahead, Primary. Take us back in time,” I murmur.

She slowly leans her forehead to mine, giving me time to back out, but I don’t. I wrap my hands around her thighs and lift her onto my lap.

I need to do this.

I’ve seen all of her. She needs to see all of me.

“Let the darkness engulf you, Cas.”

“Getting into your nonsense early today, I see,” my brother says as he sneaks up behind me where I’m creeping around the corner to scare Ms. Grace.

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