Page 90 of The Spice Play

“Nelly, I… I know that nothing has, well, been easy for you for a while. And I’m sorry for any bit of that I’ve had a hand in,” he said, the words a little shaky, a little breathy. “The years haven’t been easy for me either — at least, not until you came into my life.”

Seb’s voice echoed through the arena, hushing the crowd to alarming levels save for a few murmurs and scattered whispers. I tried to tune them out, tried to focus entirely on him. I still couldn’t tell where this was going, and I was thankful I hadn’t eaten dinner or touched the box of Whoppers. They’d absolutely be making a horrific return to the surface if I had.

“I wasn’t expecting it. Any of it,” he continued, shifting slightly on his skates. His free hand curled into a fist, his knuckles white as if he were holding on for dear life, andacross the rink, athudrang out as Luke practically slammed into the boards, his eyes wide as he watched Seb. “I was just trying to figure out how to be a good dad and a good player, how to make it all work without screwing one or both up completely. And then you appeared out of thin air. You saw me, Nell,reallysaw me, even when I struggled to see myself.”

Matty, completely oblivious to the weight of wherever his father was going with this, tugged at the collar of my jersey. “Why is Daddy on the speakers?”

I swallowed, smoothing my hand over the top of his mop of brown waves. “Shh.”

Seb caught the movement, his eyes flicking briefly to Matty before settling back on me. “You haven’t just made my life better. You’ve fixed so many things I didn’t realize were broken, you’ve filled a hole I was trying to ignore. You’rehere, tonight, cheering me on when I know damn well that was hard for you. You care about my son like he’s your own, and that’s—” He paused, his voice cracking slightly. He covered his mouth with the back of his hand, his nasal exhale going straight into the mic. “That’s something I’ll never be able to thank you enough for.”

My breath hitched, and I tightened my grip on Matty, tucking my lower lip between my teeth. If he was breaking this off with me, I was going to fucking kill him, but something in my head screamed that he wasn’t, that I’d been right with my first thought.

“I know you’re struggling with this,” he continued, pulling his hand away and repositioning the mic. “And if you decide that you can’t deal with this, that this is too much, that you can’t trust me, I’ll understand. I’ll take that, baby. It’ll fu—It’ll hurt, but I will figure out a wayto push on.”

The arena buzzed faintly with whispers and mumbles, but they barely registered. The backs of my eyes burned, and my vision blurred as his words sank in, wormed their way into my chest, and cracked it.

“Nelly,” Matty whispered, pulling again on the fabric around my throat.

Seb took a shaky breath into the microphone. “But I love you,” he said, his voice clear and almost steady. “I love you, Nell, not just for what you’ve done for me, for Matty, but for whoyouare. For the way you fight me on what’s best for him, the way you care, the way you make everything…better, just by being there. For your inconveniently timed references, for staying up with me until one in the morning watching the same episode ofSurvivorI’ve seen ten thousand times before, for the way you forgot to ask for your days off because taking care of Matty seemed to come as second nature for you.”

His hand shook, and he tilted his head up, his skates moving forward a few feet. The lump in my throat was too big to swallow, and I didn’t know what to do, didn’t know what to say, locked in the strongest freeze response of my goddamn life. Even Matty had gone still.

“I love you for all the progress you’ve made after what you went through,” he said, his voice trembling as he came to a stop just a foot from the boards. “And I know this doesn’t fix anything, baby, but I just needed you to know. You’re it for me. I don’t want anyone else. And if there’s even a tiny piece of you that feels the same, that wants to fight for this, just… just know I’ll happily spend the rest of my goddamn life proving to you that you can trust me.”

I needed to move, needed to dosomething, but I was locked in fucking place, locked behind everything I wanted to say and the overwhelming urge to run. But I didn’twantto run. I didn’t want to run away from this, even if he was absolutely right — I did think he was insane for this. But in the most ridiculous, best way possible.

His hand reached the board, and he gripped it, the wood nearly splitting beneath his fingertips. His hand holding the mic came down, only five or so feet between us and two security guards. “Please say something,” he said, his voice breaking as his lower lip worried. He didn’t announce it for everyone to hear this time. Just those within earshot of him. “I can’t… I can’t lose you, Nell. Not like this. Please.”

Matty twisted slightly in my arms. “Nelly, you have totalk.”

The words jarred me enough to break through, pulling me out of the almost unbreakable haze I’d found myself in. Seb watched me, his mouth parted, his eyes focused wholly on me, his dark curls flattened to his head. Behind him, on the other end of the rink where Luke watched with bated breath, a woman with auburn hair and an Atlanta Fire jersey on stood beside Luke and Coach Casey, her hand flat on her chest and a smile on her face as she watched Seb.

I’d been wrong.

I must have been wrong.

“Seb,” I breathed, pushing forward an inch before security stepped in my way. They blocked my path entirely, and even with Matty reaching out and pushing against their arms, they didn’t budge. “Let me through!”

Seb’s voice came back through the loudspeaker this time. “She’s obviously with me, you fucking idiots. Let her pass.”

Matty’s eyes went wide.

“Don’t repeat what he said,” I said quickly, and Matty nodded.

The two men huffed their annoyance andparted just enough to let me through, and I scrambled, nearly tripping over the step down to the front row as I pushed myself toward the closed gate he leaned against.

I didn’t waste a single second panicking. I didn’t throw away what was in front of me.

The moment I was close enough to touch him, I reached a hand out, tucking it against the side of his neck and pulling him to me.

He kissed me.

It was raw but restrained, the positioning difficult as he practically leaned half his body over the board, but he didn’t let it stop him from channeling every bit of what he’d said into it. His hands cupped my cheeks, the shaking of them so much more obvious now, and even as Matty giggled and made fake gagging noises, he didn’t stop. Even as the crowd came back to life and hesitantly cheered, he didn’t stop. He kissed me, and he kissed me, and he kissed me, and all I could think about was how stupid I’d been, how headstrong and angry and confused because ofmyself. I’d put him through hell because of me.

“I’m sorry,” I croaked the moment he gave me room to breathe. “I should have believed you. I never… I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“I know you didn’t,” he muttered.

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