Page 82 of The Spice Play

I took a deep breath.

And I told her everything.

From the start to the bottom, from the first night at Smokey’s to tonight. I gave her as much detail as I possibly could, told her about Morris, told her about the wedding, told her about the situation with Matty, and everything in between. I told her about Nelly’slessonsthat she absolutely didn’t need. I told her about what happened earlier today, how she’d found me, the assumptions she’d made, and how I’d not thought to tell her otherwise until she brought it up.

I told her as much as I could.

“I don’t know what to do, Dani,” I said into the deafening silence. “I don’t want to fuck up with her. Not again.”

Her heavy-hearted sigh was so loud it blew through the speaker. “I mean… look, I’m not a relationship coach. I’m a therapist. But in my opinion, you need to tell her how you feel, if youknowhow you feel.”

“I’ve tried,” I insisted. “I did, back at the wedding. I told her I wanted her, wantedthis, and it seemed like she believed me. But she just doesn’t trust me. And I can understand why, honestly, but I feel like I’m hitting these impenetrable roadblocks with her that either means she disappears until I can figure it out, or we’re screwed.”

“You telling her that you want her sounds more like a sexual thing than a relationship thing,” she said. “Is she aware that you want her inthatcapacity, too?”

“I mean, I’d be surprised if she wasn’t. I kissed her in front of Matty for the first time earlier. I wouldn’t have done that if I didn’t want her like that.”

She groaned in frustration. “But have you told her directly?”

“Well, no?—”

“Do that.”

“That won’t fix the problem of her thinking that I’m cheating on her,” I snapped.

“No, but it could help her feel more secure about the situation,” she retorted. “Do you love her?”

“Why is everyone asking me that today?” I grumbled.

“That’s not an answer, Seb.”

I sucked on my teeth, watching out the goddamn glass doors as the light shut off in the guesthouse. I wanted to tell her what I’d told Matty, but it felt insincere, it felt flaky. Like I wasn’t sure when I should be, when Iwas. “Can you even love someone that quickly, Dani?”

“I don’t know, Seb, can you?”

The silence that fell between us as I thought it over made me nauseous. “Yeah,” I rasped. “I guess you can.”

“Great, okay, so you love her,” Dani said, her voice completely deadpan. “You should tell her that.”

“She’ll think I’m insane.”

“Better she thinks you’re overzealous and head over heels for her than a cheater, no?”

“I just don’t know if it’ll cancel out the way you think it will,” I sighed. “Besides, you only date women.”

“Surely that just gives me more authority on this,” she said, a snort breaking through her laugh. “Iama woman. And I date women. I know how they work.”

“You know how to date womenasa woman,” I shot back. “Aren’t lesbian relationships notorious for moving insanely quickly?”

“I mean, yeah, but that’s just a stereotype.”

“You literally moved in with Cassie after a month.”

“We were just speedrunning it,” she laughed. “Just, listen. Talk to her, alone, without your kid in the room. Tell her everything. And hope it works.”

“I don’t think I can do that,” I sighed. “But I can try to show her.”

Chapter 33

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