Page 81 of The Spice Play

I was going to fucking kill Bryan.

I didn’t want to answer that for her. I didn’t want to insist that she would push me away if she didn’t want metouching her, didn’t want to imply to my son that I was assuming anything here, even if I was. Not when he could get that mixed up with what happened at the rink.

“It’s okay,” Nelly said, unlatching her head from my hand and wiping her eyes. She turned to him, and I let my eyes follow, let myself release her begrudgingly as she pulled from me completely. She knelt down to him, her hands on his shoulders, and gave him the faintest little smile. “This isn’t like what happened earlier, okay? Your daddy is trying to make me feel better. Bryan wasn’t.”

Matty’s confused expression only deepened. “What if Bryanwastrying to make you feel better?”

She shook her head. “He wasn’t. And even if he was, it wasn’t okay because Bryan and I haven’t communicated that it’s okay for him to touch me like that.”

I scrubbed my face with my hands, the stress of it all building even more. Here she was, trying to have an honest, heartfelt conversation about consent with my son, and none of it would have had to happen at all if I’d just been paying attention.

“Okay,” Matty said, his confusion still painfully evident. “But you and Daddy have?”

She nodded. “Yeah,” she breathed. “We have. So it’s okay. But thank you for checking. It’s always,alwaysgood to check if you’re worried about that.”

“But you’re crying,” he said, wrapping his arms around his midsection.

“There’s just a lot going on, bud,” I interjected, putting my now-free hand on top of his head and ruffling his hair. “Nothing you need to worry about. I promise.”

“But you kissed her.”

More panic, more problems I had created for myself. “I know. We can talk about that if youwant.”

He nodded, and Nelly stood, wiping her eyes with the base of her palms again.

“Hey,” I said to her, getting her attention. “If you don’t want to have to deal with this right now, I can handle the conversation with him. And I’ll sort out dinner, okay? But please don’t think that’s me telling you to go.”

She sniffled. “Okay. I need a shower anyway.”

I pushed the hair from her cheeks, my mouth flattening as I watched her eyes well up again. “You don’t have to be alone if you don’t want to be,” I said softly.

Her throat worked on a swallow. “I know.”

————

I hadn’t been sure I’d handled the conversation I’d had with Matty the best I could have, but we’d ended it on a positive note instead of a confused one. I’d been vague, trying to keep my intentions clear and as non-confusing as I possibly could, but he’d presented me with a question toward the end that I hadn’t known what to do with.

Do you love her?

It wasn’t like we’d had a massive amount of time to figure that out. It wasn’t like I’d gone into the conversation prepared to be asked that. I’d had to bite my tongue, had to think of an answer that would be enough to satisfy him without creating further complications.

“I could,” I’d said. “I don’t know yet.”

But the longer I sat with it, the more I felt like I knew the answer. And it scared the shit out of me.

The light was on in the guesthouse, and as much as Iwanted to go over there and speak to her now that Matty was asleep, I didn’t want to go in unprepared. I didn’t want to fumble it like I had the last time we’d fallen out.

So, I did the one thing I could think of to help me.

“Seb, it’s like ten-thirty. What do you want?”

My sister didn’t exactly soundpleasedto hear from me, but she’d always been a bit of a fickle one, even if her heart was made of pure gold. “I need your advice,” I said down the phone, leaning back into the couch and propping my feet up. I stared directly to my right, watching as a shadow moved in the guesthouse. “Desperately.”

“If you want therapy, you have to actuallypayme,” she deadpanned.

“Oh, I’m sorry, should I just allocate a thousand dollars in the family pot for you?” I snorted.

I could have sworn I couldhearher eyes roll. “What do you need my advice on?”

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