Page 34 of Jagger

I’ve beenface to face with her door for a good five minutes.

Banging my fist against it frantically.

Calling her name out in pleading.

But she won’t answer it.

Either she’s not home or she isn’t going to give me the time of day.

Defeated doesn’t quite cover how I feel. Why I expected anything a different outcome? I don’t know. Maybe it’s the pretty picture Sin painted out for me during his Dr. Phil spiel.

Fucking asshole.

That’s unfair of me, I know. The man was trying to be a good friend and, in reality,I have no one to blame but myself.

But I want to blame him, cursing him to hell and back as I turn away from the door with the intention to leave.

Until I hear a little squeak from the floor board on the other side, that is.

Yes.

Yes, fuck yes.

“I know you’re standing there, Vida.” My voice bounces off the stucco walls of the hallway. “Answer the door, please.”

“Just go away, Jagger,” she says steadily.

The fact that she’s standing right there gives me a sliver of hope. “No, not until you hear me out.”

“I’m listening.” That’s all she offers, and while it isn’t exactly how I want this go, beggars can’t be choosers.

“I just… I just want you to know that I’m sorry, okay? I know I’ve said it a million and five times already, but it’s the truth. I’m sorry for crossing the line. It was unwarranted and inappropriate, especially after our conversation prior to Carl showing up. I can do better, Vida, I swear to you.”

Silence.

And silence.

And more silence.

That little sliver of hope shreds into confetti before I can even grab hold of it tight. She isn’t going to budge, no matter what I say or how hard I try. She made it clear over the last month, but it’s crystal as fuck now.

Sometime’s closure is better than nothing.

Sin’s words ring out in my head and, although, I don’t want it, her resistance in this moment speaks deafening volumes. It has to be done regardless of how painful it might be.

Of how much it’ll fuck me up until God knows when.

Damn it.

Pressing my forehead to the door, my hand curled in fist on its cool surface, I sigh. “I miss you, Vida. I miss you so fucking much. But I can’t keep doing this, to you or myself. I only came here tonight because I wanted you to see I was serious, that I was genuinely sorry.” It’s a struggle to get the next bit out, but on a deep breath, I force myself through it. “I don’t know that I’ll ever find someone like you, but I do know I’ll never forget you. ”

And with that, I push myself away from the door and dart down the stairs with a heavy heart. Said heavy heart completely splits in two mangled pieces by the time I slide into the LC and start up the engine.

It’s over.

It’s fucking over and there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it. Now I have to live with the fact that I screwed it all up, that I lost a one of a kind—a once in a lifetime woman—to an immature, testosterone-fueled show of propriety.

God, I’m stupid.

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