Page 172 of Volatile Obsessions

? Venom - Eminem ?

Amonth.

An entire excruciating month without Lux had gone by, and I was feeling it now more than ever, especially after she left Noir Coastin flames.

I knew it was her.

The fire department and everyone else working the case may have been baffled, left scratching their heads from lack of evidence or a determinable cause, but I knew.

And it hurt worse than any hell.

The building and everything inside its confines meant shit to me. It’s what the act itself proved.

She was battered.

Raging inside.

Self-destructing.

And there wasn’t anything I could do to help her.

The last thirty-days proved she wouldn’t let me.

I spent the first two weeks after our break-up calling her relentlessly, texting her dozens of times throughout the day. I even went as far as reaching out to her friends, who I’m sure you can imagine, had zero inclination to help me.

But nothing.

Radio silence mocked me every single time, from any and every angle.

All I wanted was to explain myself, to have my day in court. I wasn’t expecting forgiveness or even to win her back. I just wanted her to know why I’d done what I’d done.

The more time passed without the opportunity to do so, though, the more it began grating on my psyche.

Deranged, convoluted ideas of how I could force Lux to hear me out plagued me on the daily—from stalking to breaking and entering, and possibly everything else in between. I was so deep in my desperate state, I actually began considering seeing one through.

But one day, it all just clicked into place for me.

I don’t know how or what triggered it, but I stopped calling her, stopped texting.

I gave up and let her be.

Lux had been forced into too much throughout her life for me to go and the same, for me to be another disgraceful bloke on that list.

The problem with letting her go was that desperation quickly mutated into an enraged insanity, and my demons were all too pleased.

Viciously elated.

They fed off my weaknesses and whispered nefarious solutions, ones to paint the town red.

Ones of bloodshed.

Of death.

They taunted me with Lux’s father, with Vic, producing image after damnable image of such violent delights.

I turned to the drink for help, stupidly hoping to numb myself in entirety, but it only made it worse.

So I started hitting the gym instead.

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