Page 64 of Hear Me Roar

I’d thoughtthe world was completely on its axis before Luis’ accident. But now, that axis had disintegrated into nothing and the world was just floating around in a perpetual limbo with no promise of stability or normalcy anytime soon. For starters, Knox had taken on Luis’ clients so he wouldn't lose the contacts. Thankfully, all of them had been more than understanding, reworking their schedules to align with their new trainer, but that didn't make the situation any easier. Not for me anyway. Taking on those clients meant my man was hardly home. He'd leave for work the crack of dawn and wouldn't make it back until almost midnight, leaving me to my own devices, day in and day out. Sure, I had company at all times,but I missed him.It was hard, and while I was trying to play the supportive girlfriend part without protesting, I wasn't adjusting to his new schedule very well. But we’ll get to that in asecond.

As for Luis, he was still in the hospital. It'd been two weeks since his wreck and there was no word on when exactly they'd release him because of the pain he was experiencing. Doctor Jennings hinted it would be once they were able to take him off morphine, but no one knew when that would be. He’d also advised us that Luis’ impending discharge didn’t mean he’d be free to go home. From the hospital, he’d be transferred straight to a rehabilitation center where his time there was also indeterminable. It was, as he’d stated on the first day, going to be a long and hard road. The bright side to it all was Luis’ attitude. For someone who was bedridden with two broken legs, and in substantial pain throughout the day, he was always in good spirits whenever I went to visit. Seeing him smile and hearing him joke around gave me hope that perhaps the road to recovery wouldn’t be so long and hard afterall.

Unfortunately, Luis wasn’t the only Fonseca to worry about. Reyna was barely coping with her brother’s condition and I didn’t know how to help. Neither did Liv, who’d voiced to me she felt like Rey was pushing her away. In my heart, I knew Reyna wasn’t doing it purposely, but Liv didn’t. Their relationship was still too new and up until now, it'd been all hearts and flowers. So, I decided to step in and be the middleman while they figured this thing out, but Rey went ballistic when I brought it up, saying she'd done no such thing and that it wasn’t any of my business. I tried not to let it get to me, writing it off as mountains of stress and countless sleepless nights finally catching up with her, but it still stung. Aside from the cage, she and I had never fought before, much less held a grudge, which she was steadily holding like the plague. No matter how many times a day I called and texted her, she wouldn’t respond, and if I showed up at the hospital while she was there, she’d get up and leave until I wasgone.

That’s not all though. Oh no. The elusive and untraceable Dimitri was still on the loose. A month had come and gone since he left theYou can’t hidenote in the mailbox and nothing more had been said or done on his part. We were way past the point of confused and one-hundred percent unsure of what to do moving forward. As a result, Manny reduced our cavalry from eight men to two on a spur of the moment decision because he felt, and I quote, we were wasting their time. Not that any of them had ever said that, but Manny didn’t find it necessary to have an army when the war wasn’t even in sight anymore. Personally, I thought letting them go was a big mistake, seeing as Dimitri was so unpredictable, but fighting with him would’ve been futile. He was the expert in this field – we all knew it – and regardless of any reservations we had, each one of us respected and trusted the man with ourlives.

So now you’re all caught up...well, almost anyway. Let's rewind back Knox and myself for asecond...

As I mentioned earlier, this new schedule of his was taking my emotions,and my sanity,on a wild fucking ride. We had very little alone time together, and when we did, he'd pass out on me from exhaustion within minutes. We hadn't been intimate other than the ‘bye, babe, I'll see you later’ kiss, and if you tied that in with the fact we hadn't been training either, and I'm sure you can imagine it was really starting to wear me down. In more ways than one too. It’d gotten to the point I felt like one those crazy reality TV girlfriends. You see, I knew damn well my man was working his ass off, not only to provide for us, but also to help his best friend, and still my mind wandered off toWhat if he’s with Brie?She hadn’t let up in her feat to reclaim him, and although he’d been ignoring her through and through, my newfound insecurities kept wondering if perhaps something was rekindling between the two. A year ago, the idea would’ve been an absurdity I wouldn’t even have entertained, but nowadays, it didn’t seem so farfetched. I hated doubting him; hell, I hatedmyselffor doubtinghim.

But then he dropped a massive bomb on me, and that bomb was the atomic straw that broke the camel'sback.

Despite the fact I hadn’t been preparing for my fight with Nuñez, there was no way in hell I was backing out. Ready or not, I was taking my ass to Miami and I was going to give it all I had. I wasn’t expecting to go without a coach, though. Yep, brace yourself, my friends… Just two days before our flight, Knox announced he wouldn’t be going.Because of his schedule.Apparently, he couldn’t work it out, and he didn’t want to risk losing any clients, whether they be his orLuis’.

He’slying…

That’s what I’d thought to myself the minute he finished uttering the words. But could you blame me? It all just seemed so...convenient. Especially with it being so last-minute. Why did he wait until then to sort his schedule? Shouldn’t that have been something to do from the moment he’d tacked on Luis’ contacts? It’s not like he didn’t know we had the tickets for Miami paid for. Was any of it really the case, or did having me in another state, hundreds and hundreds of miles away, give him the opportunity to act on feelings he might’ve been trying to subduebecause ofme?

I couldn’t stop thinking about it, no matter how hard I tried. For two days straight, it was constantly there, always at the forefront of my mind. Distractions were few and far between, and I had no one to vent to. No one. Reyna was still pissed at me, Maya was still dealing with her own relationship issues, and the only other person I trusted with secrets of this nature was the very one I was certain was lying tome.

Regardless of it all, I kept my poker face on strong. Looking at me, you’d never think I was dying a little inside. Even when Knox dropped us off at the airport, I was the girl who didn’t wanna leave her man behind, clinging to him with tears, tight hugs, and meaningful kisses. But the point was, Iwasdying...and no one fucking noticed. For the first time in a long time, I was alone again, and all I wanted to do was crawl under the sheets and flip the switch to autopilot. My world was steadfastly crumbling into pieces right before my very eyes and I didn’t want to be conscious when the last piece finally hit theground.

“Hazel,” Maya called out from somewhere in the hotelsuite.

I heard her, but I didn’t answer. I’d been playing with the same lock of hair for last twenty minutes, staring out at the ocean in a daze. The last time I’d been in this hotel was with Knox, when he’d left L.A. without looking back to finish off the season with me. When losing contacts wasn’t so important. When our relationship, though still new and delicate, seemed like the strongest force in my life. Now, between my uncertainty and temptation knocking on his door, I didn’t know that we were strongenough.

Idly, I saw Maya appear at the mouth of the hallway from the corner of my eye, but again, I didn’t say a word. She padded toward where I sat and dropped whatever she held in her hand on one of the white modern chairs. Then she plopped down beside me and stared until I turned myhead.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, tucking a loose strand of hair behind herear.

“Nothing, I’m just worried about the fight, that’s all,” I lied, because as much as I wanted someone on my side, it wouldn’t be fair to burden her with this when so much was shaking up her worldtoo.

“I know you didn’t get to train the way you wanted, but I really don’t think you need to. You’ve got the skills, Hazel. You weremadefor this. Look back at all you’ve accomplished and give yourself some credit. You’ve done a lot more than most people could say. Take me, for example... What the hell have I accomplished in my life, other than picking up on the Russianlanguage?”

“You have a point, no offense oranything.”

“None taken.” Shesmirked.

“I guess I’m just second-guessing myself after the last two fights. Pops, uh, I mean, Bernie, didn’t teach me what to do if I lost. Yeah, sure, I lost some during the time he coached me, but he never let me dwell on it. It was always, ‘onto the next one,’” I said, in my best Bernievoice.

Her smirk widened to a smile and she nodded almost nostalgically. “Typical. He was the same with me during dance competitions. Whenever I lost it was, ‘you’ll get it next time’ and that was that. He didn’t let me drag my feet over it or hang up the pointe shoes. And just for the record” – she reached out for my arm – “don’t ever feel weird about calling him Pops in front of me. If I could’ve handpicked anyone in the world to share him with, it would always beyou.”

My face split in two and I couldn’t help but swallow her in a hug I knew Bernie felt from the pearly gates. Even in death, he was still my constant good. And now I had Maya too, a woman I never truly thought I’d get to meet, who I’d judged when I only knew one side of the story. Agreeing to help her so blindly was the smartest thing I did because she’d made my lifericher.

“Believe in yourself, Hazel, okay?” she murmured, squeezing me a little tighter. “I know you can dothis.”

“Thanks, M,” I whisperedback.

“How about we get your mind off the fight for a while? Manny and I are going down the pool. Wannacome?”

Not too long ago, I’d been the one asking her almost the very same question, and I had to admit it was a teensy bit disturbing. Not in abadway, more likeweird.Had Knox been right them about them afterall?

Naaah...

“I’ll pass.” I eyed her curiously, thinking back to all the times I’d been alone with them lately. “I just wanna veg out and do nothing. You know, clear my mind, without roasting like apig.”

Maya rolled her eyes and stood to her feet, collecting a towel and sunscreen from the chair she’d dropped them. “Fine, stay. But if your ‘doing nothing’ gets boring, you know where to findus.”

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