Page 18 of Hear Me Roar

“I know, honey. Just make sure you tell hereverything, if you do decide to call. You can’t half ass this, as you did with me. She needs to know every detail in order to understand why you’re seeking outherhelp. Here, jot down her number before I forget to give it toyou.”

Just the thought of having to regale Hazel with everything that’s happened in almost a decade had my stomach churning, but nonetheless, I knew it had to be done. Pulling out the scrap piece of paper I’d stowed in my robe, along with one of Dimitri’s fancy pens, I scribbled down the number as Karley read it off tome.

“Is that all you needed, or was there anything else I could help you with?” she questioned, her voice sweeter thanhoney.

“No, that’s all. Thank you for this, by the way. Are you sure I can’t pay you anything for all you’vedone?”

“I don’t want a single dime, Maya. I’m happy to help, especially when it’s family-related.”

The response, moments away from slipping off my tongue, tumbled back down my throat when I caught the front door swinging open from the corner of my eye. I swallowed a heap of cool, spring air and my turned my head enough to keep the cell phone hidden from their line of sight. With how far away they were, it was unlikely they’d caught me, but still, one could never be too sure. These guys had a sharp eye; hence why they worked for myhusband.

“I have to go,” I whispered in a rush, my heart galloping wildly in mychest.

I didn’t even give her the chance to respond. Jamming my finger into the end button, I stuffed the phone into the pocket of my robe and laid my head on my arm, breathing in deeply through my nose in attempt to calm myself. My eyes fell shut and I listened to the sounds of the city, forcing myself back to a time when it’s melody both soothed and excited me at the same time. The taxi horns, the blaring honks of delivery trucks, storybook-gray pigeons hopping across ledges from building to building in search of food. These were once my favorite sounds; the soundtrack of the concrete jungle. But over the last three years, I’d grown to hate it. Not even the beauty of the seasons was enough to keep me here. New York wasn’t home anymore. It was my own personal hell, a prison I deserved to suffer in after what I’d done to my father. If I could go back in time and redo the last seven years of my life, I would, no questions asked. What I’d give to have one more day with mydad...

Neither Dima nor Maksim ever came to check on me. The minutes ticked away, and it was clear they weren’t suspicious in the slightest. My hidden itinerary was, in fact, still hidden, and all I had to do was make it back into bed without them spotting the lump in my robe to seal the deal. Another deep breath lifted me onto my feet, and with anxious hands, I cracked open the sliding glass door and wedged my way inside, locking my arms around my middle as I padded through the living room to the hallway. Maksim was perched on the coach, reading the paper in his pristinely tailored suit and Dima was somewhere in the kitchen, likely putting away all the items I'd had them purchase. Thankfully, not a look or a word was spared my way, and with quick, quiet steps, I scurried into the master bedroom, locking the doors and burying myself in the extortionately priced sheets of our king-sized bed. I'd stow the phone away later, when I was certain they weren't to come knocking on the door. Reaching for the TV remote on the nightstand, I began flipping through the channels, hoping to distract myself from everything, but said phone was burning a damn hole through my pocket. So was the tiny piece of paper with a certain someone’s phone number. I hugged the sheets closer, and sighed as I rolled onto my back and stared at the tray ceiling above the bed, my mind wandering off to how a phone call with Hazel may pan out. Would she hear me out, or would she perhaps deem my past decisions so unforgivable and refuse to help me? I couldn’t say I blamed her if she did. What I did to my father was inexcusable and now, looking back at it, it was foolish too. He’d been right all along and I was just too stupid – and too damn stubborn – to see Dimitri for who he was. I guess, in some ways, the signs had always been there; the possessiveness, the sudden anger flares. My father had been none of those things with my mother yet somehow, I thought it was normal. Yeah, I know, pathetic. But it’s true. I thought it was fucking normal. A unique display of affection or whatever my twisted mind had convinced me to believe. It was that same unique display of affection that kept me from my father, too, and still I chose to overlook it all. Forlove.

Love.

I scoffed. How stupid and naive I was. What Dimitri and I had wasn't love. A severe infatuation, a taboo one at that, but love, no. Took me years to figure that out and by the time I did, it was too late. He'd sunk his claws in so deep, I knew there was no looking back. That, of course, was before he began roughing me up. The day my head hit the wall and I came to with a busted lip was the day I mentally drew the line, and my father's death was the reassurance I needed. When I got his will in the mail, along with Karley’s letter, and I learned all about Hazel, I took it as a sign. She was my only salvation in thisdisaster.

But mentally checking out of the relationship and actually leaving were two different ballgames.

The truth was, even if I reached out to Hazel and she agreed to help me escape this mess, I’d have to find the courage within myself to leave first. Was I capable of that? Could I really break free from Dimitri and regain control of my life? Was a life without him even possible? No, probably not. Okay, definitely not. I didn’t have any experience with independence, and that man would hunt me down if I ever left. What kind of life would I be living then? One where I spent my days always glancing over my shoulder, that's what. If I didn't leave, though, I might as well begin preparations for my funeral because I had no doubt that the more this nefarious beast within him festered, the more probable my death at his hand wouldbe.

With that horrifying thought in mind, I pulled out the torn scrap of paper with Hazel’s phone number scribbled on it and stared at it until I went cross-eyed. I was at a constant push and pull with what to do; more so because I was scared. It wasn't as simple as filing for divorce and leaving. Dimitri would never allow that. My only out was to escape without his knowledge and have him locked him away where he deserved to be. Only then could I file, and hope to live a life withouthim.

As if he knew I was thinking about him, the house phone began ringing on the nightstand. I knew it was him without even looking at the caller ID. He was the only one who called the landline. I stuffed the wrinkled piece of paper away again and snatched up the phone, answering with a shaky “Hello” I hadn't meant toutter.

“Mishka.” He purred the pet name he'd given me years ago with his deep Russian accent. “What is wrong? Maksim said you wereunwell?”

“Uh, yeah, another migraine,” I answered, sinking back into the bed. Migraines were my go-to excuse to lock myself in theroom.

“You really need to see a doctor. You have them too often. It's notnormal.”

“They'll just stick me on a bunch of pills. I don't want that, Dimitri. I promise I'll be okay. I just need to cut out the excess caffeine and eatbetter.”

He sighed. “I'll agree, for now. But if they continue, youwillsee a doctor.Understood?”

“Yes,sir.”

“I don't suppose you are well enough to accompany me to a gala tonight,correct?”

“No, I don’t thinkso.”

“Very well,” he muttered. “Svetlana will have to come with me then. I cannot goalone.”

Ofcourse.

Svetlana was his PA; his very blonde, very pretty, and very fucking busty PA. She was my polar opposite, and I was more than certain they were screwing around. Whenever I blew him off, he dragged her along with him and rubbed it in my face. I assumed his motive was to anger me or to evoke jealousy, but in all honesty, it did anything but. He could fuck her brains out, for all I cared. Better her thanme.

“I understand. Will you be coming home before, or are you heading there after work?” I asked, hoping I wouldn’t have to see him until themorning.

“Well, Svetlana will have to change into something more appropriate. She cannot attend in what she is wearing now, so we will have to go to her apartment first. I don’t think I will have time to stopby.”

“That’s fine, I was just curious. I guess I’ll see you tomorrowthen?”

“No, not tomorrow,Mishka.I will wake you when I gethome.”

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