Page 26 of I Am Lioness

The air was thick with tension as the silence stretched between us. I leaned back into the couch, making myself comfortable while I waited for her to answer. She could stand there all day if she wanted to. I’d wait her out forever.

After a beat, she dropped her arms to her sides and met my stare head-on.

“There’s no easy way to say it but I just don’t see this going very far. I think we need to cool it and leave it alone.”

My brow quirked. “And what brought you to that conclusion?”

She shrugged, trudging forward to the small love-seat adjacent to where I sat, falling to the cushion in a heap. “It’s just bad timing, Knox. I’m not at a place in my life where I can simply involve myself with someone. It’s too complicated.”

“What about it is so complicated?”

“My career. As you know, it’s very demanding. I’m home for only six months out of the year. It would be selfish of me to drag someone into a relationship where constant travel kept us apart for an extended period of time.”

I looked away, feeling anger bubble to the surface and said, “It’s not selfish if the other person is willing to make it work.”

Hazel sighed again, the sound profoundly frustrated this time around. “You don’t get it…”

I pushed to my feet, needing the security of the floor beneath me to keep me grounded. My arms flew up in the air as I turned to face her. “You’re right, I don’t. I don’t get any of this”—I motioned between her and I—“Yet here I am, trying to make sense of it all while you’re ready to toss me out of your life as quickly as I came in.”

“Sometimes it’s best to leave those things be. If we were meant to understand them, we would.” She said quietly, keeping her eyes fixated on her lap.

“Bullshit,” I spat. “You and I both know damn well not even you believe that. Are you really going to sit there and tell me you don’t feel this?”

Again, I motioned between her and I.

“I-I…”

“You what? Spit it out.”

Hazel all but jumped out of the chair, clearly feeling threatened by my tone and glared at me much in the same way I’d seen her glare at Jason.

It wasn’t intentional on my part. Anger often knew how to claw it’s way through my restraint and get the best of me at the worst times. Now was obviously one of those times. We stared each other down for God knows how long until she slumped down into the love-seat and crossed her arms.

“I do, okay? I feel every last bit of it and it’s fucking terrifying.”

“So that’s your reason to say fuck it and push me away? Because you’re scared? You don’t think I’m scared, Hazel?” I questioned, taking a few steps toward her. “I’ve never felt anything like this in my life. But I’m addicted to it. It’s consumed me in ways I didn't know were possible and all I know is that I want more of it, more ofyou.”

“I know but…” Her hands threaded through her hair as she shook her head. “It’s too fast, Knox. We’ve known each other for what two, three weeks? And look how deep we’re in already. Nothing about this is healthy. Not only that but don’t you understand I’ll be gone for months, as in starting tomorrow? What are you going to do, sit around and wait for me to come home in November? How is that fair to you?”

“Because you’re what I want.”

She eyed me warily. “See? This is what I’m talking about. How can you be so sure of that? You barely know me.”

“I want to though. All you have to do is give me a chance to do so.”

“Easier said than done.” She scoffed.

“How so?”

“It’s not something I care to discuss.”

“I’m not going to force you to share with me anything you don’t feel like sharing. I just want you to stop fighting this. You were fine with us last night”—Hazel’s cheeks flamed at the reminder—“Aren’t you the least the bit curious as to where this could lead us if it’s already this good?”

I could see the wheels spinning furiously in her head and for a split-second I thought I had her convinced but then she went on to say, “It's too complicated right now.Maybewhen I come home and if you're still interested, we can attempt to work toward something. But right now….”

All I needed to hear was maybe and I was moving. There may have very well been a reason as to why she was suddenly second guessing it all but it obviously wasn’tenoughof a reason for her to turn away from me completely, and I planned to take full advantage of that. If our current situation was too fast then I’d slow the fuck down and come at this from a whole new angle. For her.

Closing in the distance between us, I straddled her legs and dropped my hands onto the armrests of the chair she sat on. I lowered my head to level with hers and waited for her eyes to lock with mine.

---