Page 73 of I Am Lioness

“I love you.” She said suddenly, her fingers clasping around my wrists.

I stilled, positive that the pistol to my head and the double dose of chloroform had done some permanent damage. When I didn’t respond, her eyes snapped open to search mine, a hint of fear swimming just beneath the surface.

“What did you just say?” I asked in disbelief.

She pressed herself impossibly closer, swallowing deeply as she played with my hair. “I love you.You’re my better, Knox. My heart personified. I’m not afraid to live anymore, to love anymore, and it’s all because of you.”

Every single word burned through me, wrapping around my heart so tightly, I thought it might burst from my chest.

She loves me.

I smiled, squeezing her with all my might. “Say it again.”

Hazel giggled softly, brushing her lips against mine. “I love you, Knox”—kiss—“Steel”—kiss—“Carr. With my whole heart and every last piece of my soul.”

“Move in with me then.” I blurted out, rolling her onto her back.

“What? Why?”

“Because I’m so madly in love with you that I can’t imagine going back home and not having this every single day.”

The smile that spread across her face was without a doubt the most beautiful one she’d gifted me thus far.

“I can't either,” she admitted. “I'm too used to having you all to myself.”

“So is that a yes then?” I hedged, settling myself between her legs.

“It's ahell yes.”

He loves me.

Knox Carr loved me and I couldn’t imagine not loving him in return. It took seeing a gun pointed to his head for me to finally admit it to myself.

I’d known for sometime but was afraid to acknowledge it because acknowledging it made it all real, and if it was real, then it was equally terrifying to lose. In the time I’d been with Knox, I’d finally come to understand that the tragedies of my past, while unfortunate and heart-wrenching, weren’t my fault.

Still I struggled with the guilt that came knowing the decisions I made led my loved ones to their deaths, but I couldn’t continue to blame myself for the rest of my life.

Knox was right; I didn’t force-feed Tori those drugs or drive head-on into my parent’s car. Certainly I didn’t cause Bernie to go into cardiac arrest either. Death was merely a part of life and sometimes life didn’t deal us the easiest hand.

We had to trudge on though. I couldn't change the past, but I could sure as hell take control of my future rather than run from it.

We woke up late the next morning, deciding to skip our last session before the finals to rest until we were starving.

After lunch, I spoke to Manny regarding Jason’s whereabouts but he didn't offer much information other thanhe handled it.I didn't press him for the full details because truthfully I wasn't sure I wanted to know.

True to his word though, Jason never reappeared seeking vengeance nor did he try contacting us either. Lexi was back in hiding as well and I wondered if she'd even show her face at the arena or simply forfeit.

Later on that evening, Knox took a phone call for what I presumed was another new client. In the weeks since taking on role as my coach, fitness junkies and aspiring athletes back home were blowing up his phone on a constant basis for a highly coveted spot on his schedule.

He was going to be a very busy man once the season was over. Busy was good though and I was thrilled for him and what this meant for his career.

I slipped out undetected onto the balcony to give him some privacy and also to clear my overly clouded head. The night before finals was always filled with a clusterfuck of emotions and it was all too easy to succumb to the anxiety and self-doubt.

Bernie had taught me to quell those feelings and focus solely on the goal so closely within reach, but without him here, my mind was running wild. As I leaned against the railing overlooking the city beneath us, a crisp breeze rolled by that clung to my face and rustled my hair.

Shutting my eyes, I inhaled deeply through my nose and blew out through my mouth, letting all my fears billow away with it. It wasn't long before I heard the sliding glass door open and then shut softly. Knox laid his front flush against my back and looped his arms around my shoulders.

“You okay, baby?”

---