Page 64 of Raiden

“He’s playing games. Terror is always more fun to a man like him than just razing something to the ground.”

“I don’t honestly know. I thought I did, but... fuck.” It makes me exhausted to the core of me to think about this, to be caught between two worlds again, not really fitting in either, no matter how much I want to.

I’m caught between two men.

One I owe loyalty, and the one I’m losing my heart to—despite all my best intentions to remain aloof.

“If he’s just practicing straight up fuckery, then he might ask you to go back to New Mexico.”

“I wouldn’t do that.”

Raiden never used to be so unguarded, but I see stark relief burning in his coffee eyes that soften to a lighter brown the longer he studies my face.

“If I get the vibe that he’s going to do something to break the peace or hurt someone here, I will doeverythingI can to stop it. Maybe… maybe there’s some small chance that he just wants to see his daughter.” Even I don’t believe that, and it makes me sadder than it ever did when I was a kid.

“We could come with you. Gray and a few of the other guys and me. We could talk business. Ask him nicely what he wants and if it’s anything other than dinner with his daughter, then it’s club business.”

“What if he’s counting on that? He could call that an act of aggression if it’s more than just a few men. I don’t want you and Gray together anywhere near him. If he thought you’d come with me and he’s planning something, I want you here, safe, or with your family, keeping them safe somewhere else.”

He tips my face, running his thumb over my pulse point. “You’d have to be crazy to think that I’m going to let you go there alone.”

“You’re never going to be the type to burn down the world for me,” I protest, but it’s breathy and lost as I drown in his fierce, protective expression.

He cocks his head, clearly not liking that. “Don’t confuse the way I treat you with how I feel about you. I don’t act possessive because I’m not here to control you or your life. That kind of shit isn’t right. I’m not a jealous asshole who thinks that handling a woman makes him a man. I do feel possessive of you in the way that I want you safe and healthy, no holds barred happy. You deserve a lifetime of happiness. Good things, El.He’s messing with your head and that’s just as bad as physically hurting you. I will never sit by and allow someone to harm you. If they even so much as think about trying, they’re going to answer to me, you feel me?”

Our faces are so close, just a breath apart. The goodness of this man is there right in front of me, shining and shimmering like a lone star in the night sky.

“You guys are outlaws with good hearts,” I whisper, bringing our mouths closer. “That’s what makes you different than any club out there. But Zale was once part of that, and not only that, his father founded this place. What if there’s something good left, something worth discovering and fighting to keep?”

He shrugs, pulling back, but he keeps his hand on my hammering pulse. If any other man tried to touch me like that, or grab my neck, I’d knee him in the balls, but with Raiden, it feels sacred and right. With just that simple touch, my body wants to give up all my secrets to him.

“Not saying he does or doesn’t have something good left, but I’m not believing in it and I’m not taking you for granted for a second. I’d have to be crazy to have a woman like you and just give her up and leave her unprotected. Keep what’s close to your heart close. That’s just common sense.”

I can’t look away. This isn’t the first time he’s said things like this. Words that hint at the depth of what he feels. We might be new to it, but that doesn’t negate the legitimacy of it. We’ve both been through our own personal hells. That should keep us apart as enemies, but maybe the past we’ve both lived only brings us closer together. The separate, painful bad before a combined good.

“I’m not afraid to do what needs to be done and I’ll do anything to keep you safe and help you have a future of your own choosing. You just say the word and whatever you want, I’d do just about anything to make it yours.”

I’m so struck by the innocent ferocity he’s displaying. It might even be a little naïve, but he one hundred percent means it. Those aren’t just empty, flowery words.

I’m rocked because there hasn’t been a single person in my life other than my mom who has truly cared about me before. I miss her a thousand times more in this moment, my wounds still open and unhealed. But she was my mom. There has never been anyone who didn’t have to look out for me by merit of being family.

I cover Raiden’s hand with my own and guide it away from my neck. Holding it out in front of me, I study his strong hands with those hilarious sparkly pink nails. I take in the muscles flexing in his forearms before I let my eyes trace the rest of him. He was painted brutal by his intensity, but he softens right before my eyes.

“You don’t look like a biker. You don’t have the personality to be in mainstream society either. Your face says you would enjoy it, but your soul is out there on the road and in here with a collection of outlaws. You’re all the contradictions, but you’re a good man above all. So many here are too. I think you guys collect them. I said mean things about this place when I first got here. I was the one who was wrong.” I can’t say it out loud that these men are starting to feel like family. I can’t talk about my half-formed hopes for fear that they’ll blow up and vanish like breath on a frigid day.

“You’re good shit yourself, Ella. You belong here. I’ll work to prove to you that I’m good enough.”

That startles me. “Good enough? Oh my god, Raiden. No! If we’re working at building anything, we’re working on it together. It’s not about deserving or being good.”

He cups my face, so close to kissing me that I can taste him before it even happens. My skin breaks out in goosebumps. “I’m still going to fight to keep you by my side and in this club. Fight for your happiness and a good life for you and me, my brothers, and my family. Everything will be fine, I promise.”

I want to believe it. Goodness aside, I know how Raiden and the other men here have changed even since I got here. They’ve proved that they’re willing to do anything for each other and their own. “You can’t know that.”

“I do know it, because I’m saying it’s true. That’s what this club is and what we stand for. You can only put men like us in a cage for so long. Zale is done hemming us in. He threatens you, he threatens all of us.”

“Maybe I should pretend that I hate you and that nothing is going right here, but if the other men who came with me are spying on me and reporting back to him, he’ll already know. I trust Smoke, but not the others. He picked those men for a reason. I’d suspect him if he’d picked those most loyal to him, but that’s probably what he wants. He might expect blind loyalty from me, but that doesn’t mean that he’s ever going to trust me. I do realize how sad it is to say that.”

Raiden backs off and paces a few feet away. He turns back in a minute, thought sorted, face thunderous. “You don’t have to go.”

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