Page 50 of The Southern Thirst Trap

She lets out an excited squeal and I can't help joining her. “I can't believe it. I never expected to see my book rank highly, let alone get onto a bestseller list. This is insane.”

“It is so well deserved. You did this. Your recipes, your personality, the way you can connect with an audience. It all came together to make something truly special, and I’m so proud of you,” she says, gushing more than usual and being my biggest hype woman, in addition to my normally very focused manager.

“Thank you. Oh, my God, this is surreal!” My voice wobbles with the effort to not burst into happy tears. I was too afraid to hope for my book to be a bestseller out of fear that the opposite would happen, that I wouldn’t sell a single copy and my dreams would be fruitless, left smashed sadly under the feet of uninterested people.

“But that’s not even the best part. The Gourmet Network called and they want to shoot a pilot for a new cooking show based onAt Home With Harlowe! They love the Foulmouthed Foodie social media side of things with your thirst traps and want to do something a little racier to hit a new demographic for their streaming service. Like spice it up in the kitchen or something. We have time to pitch ideas, but they absolutely love you.”

My heart leaps even more as I learn that the authentic, strong, brazen parts of me that I have completely embraced and shared with the world are what have attracted this new opportunity my way. It doesn't feel possible, real even, that the parts of me that I once hid and shied away from are now making my dreams come true. “I think I’m going to throw up. Not in my wildest dreams did I even expect this.”

“This is an incredible accomplishment, sweetie, and you deserve to revel in it. Please go out and celebrate. I wish I was there because I would absolutely take you out and treat you to everything your little heart desires to really make sure you mark this momentous occasion. Oh, I have another call. Love you, babe. I'm so proud of you!”

Alicia ends the call and leaves me dazed as I pull up to Hendricks’s school without remembering how I got there. The drop-off is quick because Hendricks is always excited to go to school, so I am quickly left with my thoughts and feelings. Enough people are buying my little cookbook to make me a bestseller. Not only that, The Gourmet Network wants to shoot a pilot for a new showwith me. What is this life? It’s better than any dream I could have had for this book release and my future, and I want to follow Alicia’s advice, because she’s never steered me wrong. She said to celebrate, and that’s just what I plan to do.

Mom was happy to watch Hendricks and Paloma was down to celebrate with me, but Callie couldn’t make it, so just the two of us are at some place downtown that Callie recommended when I called to tell her the good news. We’re enjoying delicious overpriced cocktails and nibbling on several of the appetizers now.

“How many books do you have to sell to make you a bestseller?” Paloma asks, taking a sip of her purple-tinted concoction with a pretty orchid adorning the rim.

I swirl the straw in my own cocktail, a pink drink with a plumeria flower on the side. “I have no idea, but I would assume a lot. Alicia didn’t tell me the number, only that I’d made the list.”

“That’s incredible. And an option for your own cooking show! God, Lolo, that’s so cool. I knew you’d do well because you have so much talent and your food is amazing, but it’s one of those things you can’t really expect and just have to hope for the best with, you know?”

I do know. It’s exactly how I feel. I pluck the flower out of my drink and twirl it in my fingers close to my nose, inhaling the heady floral scent. “The last time I saw plumerias was in the Maldives.” Thewith Zanderpart of the statement is left unspoken. I tuck the bloom into my hair by my ear, remembering when the flowers were stuck to my skin after the bath that changed my life and had me falling in love with a liar.

“How are you feeling about Zander coming back around and wanting to be a part of your life?” Well, I guess it won’t stay unspoken on her end.

“He wants to be a part of Hendricks’s life,” I amend.

“Babe, you’re usually so good about not lying to yourself. You’re making me take your place tonight? Fine, tough love best friend it is.” She downs the rest of her drink and levels me with her hazel eyes. “That man is after you like a hound on a fox, and if you want to tell yourself this bland little story that he’s just wanting to get to know your son, that’s doing the situation a disservice. He. Wants. You,” she says, flourishing her empty glass.

“He’s had me. He doesn’t do repeats. Whatever has brought him back into my life is motivated by Hendricks, and maybe seeing me, kissing me, touching me, is just a ploy on his part to make sure I allow it to happen. There’s no way he wants anything serious enough to actually try to have a relationship with me beyond that. It’s not in his nature.”

It’s hard to trust Zander’s motives now when he’s shown me how effective he is at promising forever and then yanking it away when I give in completely. Even last week at the gala when I gave in to that kiss with him that felt so damn good and he promised to earn my heart, I still wasn't sure if it was because he saw me there with Knox and was jealous, or if he really meant it.

“Do you actually know that, though? He has a one-track history when it comes to dating. Maybe he wants to try something different.”

Her defense of Zander is a surprise. She’s normally very much in the anti-Zander camp, given what went down between us. Maybe telling her Knox and I decided to just be friends instead of dating gave her the idea that I want something more with Zander. Which…I may be warming up to. Like, a lot. Seeing him with Hendricks broke down so many of the walls I have up against him. It may have melted the ice, but it’s still hard to trust him with my heart after he shredded it once before.

“I think you mean hisnonexistentdating history,” I say before taking a drink to remedy the flustered feeling that is rising in my chest. I ground myself in reality rather than give in to a fantasy daydream that may or may not be manifesting in my head. “You can’t count hookups as dating, no matter how many of them he has.”

Paloma scoffs and signals for the waiter to refill our drinks. “Didn’t he say he wanted a second chance with you? That he wants to try this? That’s huge from a confirmed fuckboy.” I’m beginning to see the downside of sharing everything with her. She has no issue using the information against me when it suits her. I glare at her, but it lacks my usual force.

“That’s the thing. I don’t want to try something with him without knowing he’d be committing fully to it. I let him meet Hendricks. He’s now inextricably connected to me and my son, and if we did try out a relationship and he decided it wasn't for him, I would still have to see him, interact with him, watch him with Hendricks, whether I wanted that or not. It would absolutely crush me to see him and know he was going home to fuck another woman. Why would I even give myself the opportunity to feel like that?”

Saying the thoughts out loud hurts more than I thought it would, but they deserve to be spoken, as this is the reason I’m holding myself back from him now. I know the devastation he’s more than capable of, even after seeming so sincere.

“For the very real chance it could lead somewhere even better than you could imagine. I know I‘ve said some shitty things about him in the past, because what he did was shitty, but I also believe in second chances and people realizing the error of their ways. Or, I will if that’s what this is. You’re seriously hot, talented, smart, funny, and a total catch. I’m surprised you don’t have even more men falling at your feet asking for a chance with you. It doesn’t shock me in the least that Zander is trying to get your attention again now.”

“The timing is the hardest part to believe. Zander could have come around at any point in the last five years, yet it took seeing a story about me with another guy and my kid for him to reappear wanting answers and second chances. What’s his motivation? Is it that he has a kid, or that I was seen with someone else?”

Paloma studies me as she drags a finger through the sugar on the rim of her empty glass. “Well, you’re not with anyone now. And most guys wouldn’t come within a ten-mile radius of any potential children, yet there he was when it was made public. That speaks volumes to me.”

Our server appears with our drinks and gives me a minute to think about Paloma’s reasoning. The fact that Zander chose to come back into my lifeafterlearning about the possibility he had a kid is telling. She may have a point.

“Are you on Alicia and Mom’s side now?” I ask, taking a grateful sip of my pink paradise in a glass.

“Do they want you to see what happens with Zander?” she asks, lifting her drink and sipping.

“Definitely. Mom has slightly higher stakes, but they’re strongly team Zander.”

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