Page 39 of The Southern Thirst Trap

She’s been positively thrilled, and book sales have continued to increase, so whatever reason I’ve been drawn to post these damn thirst traps, they’re obviously working for me. Yesterday, she saidFood & WineMagazine had called me the sexy, foulmouthed Ina Garten in their latest write-up on my book, and I had beamed in pride. Ina Garten is my idol. I just need a bunch of gay friends to host for boozy lunches now.

“Hey,” I say, smiling when I open the door and let Knox in.

“Hey,” he replies, a nervous smile on his face. “Too early for the little man to be home. Is your mom here?” he asks, shrugging out of his jacket and setting it on the edge of the couch before he settles himself next to where I’m already sitting cross-legged and twisting my hands.

“She’s out for the afternoon. It’s just us. I thought we could use some time to catch up. There’s been a lot going on lately. Do you want anything to eat? I was stress baking today.”

He smiles, warmth infusing his face as he raises an eyebrow at me. “I saw that. You really know how to hook your audience. I’m good, though.” Knox runs a hand along his buzzed head and blows out a breath as the humor retreats. “Why does this feel so serious and weird? We’re cool, Harley. No matter what’s going on.”

I look down at my hands and still their movement before launching into what has been haunting me. “Zander Olsen is Hendricks’s father, and he wants to know his son.”

I cringe. The words come out in a rush like I’ve ripped the tape off of a cracked pipe and it decided to burst. That wasn’t what I’d planned to say. I made notes and practiced how to segue from one topic to another while I was baking. I was going to ask about his life lately, talk about how I’ve missed hanging out, and then gradually lead into the Atlanta Haute List speculation and all the nosy as fuck people that popped up wanting to know my business.

Knox saves me from having to explain. “I thought that might be what you wanted to talk about. You know you don’t have to tell me, or anyone else, every little bit of your life, right? It doesn’t matter if every gossip site and people you don’t know are asking. You don’t owe it to anyone if you’d rather keep it to yourself.”

“I know that, I do. It’s just… you deserve to know, since, well, we’re in this,” I say, gesturing between us at whatever we are.

I keep telling myself I have a boyfriend, since that’s the easiest way to label what Knox and I are trying, no matter how platonic it sometimes feels. Yet, I can’t bring myself to call it a relationship when it matters. It’s more of a situationship, I guess.

“I think Zander will be coming around here more. I wanted you to know before you saw some headline or read whatever the gossip sites are saying about me, or us.”

“Do you have feelings for him?” Knox asks softly. He’s staring down at his clasped hands, and he radiates calm, when I expected something more furious. I thought there’d be crazy accusations and demands from him to never see Zander again, because it was too much of a betrayal of our situationship.

“What? No! Of course not! There’s no way anyone can develop feelings for a man who chooses not to stick around longer than necessary,” I say in a rush, feeling guilt wash over me. He didn’t accuse me of anything, yet I feel like I’ve crossed a line already. I’ve let Zander too close. Whether or not I intended to, I’ve enjoyed every one of the small touches he’s given me. And he kissed me. It’s as good as cheating and I should really come clean to Knox now, no matter what happens.

He holds his hands out in front of him, a gentle smile on his face. “Hey, It’s okay if you do. It’s okay if you want him even now, no matter your history. He’s the father of your child. That’s a unique bond you will always share with him, whether you like it or not. There will forever be something tying you together, keeping you in each other’s orbits. That’s pretty fucking hard to compete with, actually.”

How Knox can hit the exact sentiment on the head is astonishing, but also why I gravitated toward him to begin with. I shake my head.

“God, Knox, this isn’t how I wanted this conversation to go at all. I just wanted to tell you about Zander. We didn't even date. We spent two weeks together on a trip and then he shut me out of his life completely. It was over before it ever started, but I got Hendricks out of it. It’s complicated. I never wanted him to learn about Hendricks after the way we left things, but now Zander knows and he’s insisting on getting to know Hendricks.”

“As is his right, but only if you allow it. You have raised that little boy for four years all by yourself. You have protected him, nurtured him, and turned him into a cool as fuck kid. There is no denying you can do this on your own.” He takes my hand in his, his thumb brushing gently over my knuckles. “But you don’t have to do it on your own, not if you don’t want to. And if he’s here, wanting to make the effort, I think it’s worth letting him in.”

“What are you saying?” My brows knit together as I study Knox, trying to parse out his thoughts, his motivations.

He’s not at all angry or even a little bit jealous. He’s taking it way too easily for hearing that his sort of girlfriend’s sort of ex is back in the picture and will be close to her. Where is the rage? Thetouch her and dievibes? I know exactly how Zander would react if the roles were reversed, and I feel myself leaning toward his over-the-top alpha bullshit response than this quiet acceptance.

Indignation rises in me, and I feel myself getting worked up. Am I not worth fighting for? I’m a fucking catch and he should care more than this. I’m about to start pushing back when his soft response stops me dead in my tracks.

“I think Zander is a better match for you than I’ll ever be,” he says, as if he’s read my mind.

I blow out a frustrated breath and sit up straighter. “Knox, that isn’t—”

He shakes his head and silences my protests. “I haven’t exactly been honest about my intentions with you.”

I purse my lips in confusion and stare at him as he keeps his gaze down at where he still holds my hand gently in his much bigger palm. My quickly rising anger swirls in me with nowhere to go. I'm not exactly mad at him, I'm mad at a situation I'm creating in my head.

“I think I’m gay.”

The breath rushes out of me in a gasp. His admission hangs between us like the dropping bomb it is, and when the words finally click in my head, the explosion leaves me reeling.

“You’re… gay?” I ask, looking up into his worried face as my anger morphs into shock and, if I’m being honest, relief courses through me. “So, why are you dating me?”

“Because I didn’t want to admit what I secretly knew I was. I wanted to be normal. I wanted my teammates and the fans to see me with you and never question it. Because you’re cool as hell and I like spending time with you. There are a million reasons why I wanted to be around you, but it’s been me lying to myself, and wasting your time in the process.”

“Knox, no, this hasn’t been a waste of time,” I say in a rush, gathering his other hand in mine and yanking on them both so he’ll meet my eyes. “You have been so good to me and Hendricks. You’ve been patient, kind, and so respectful.” I pause and look at him with new eyes, seeing every interaction we’ve had through the lens of this information. “Though, now I know why you didn’t want to sleep with me, and thank fuck because I was developing a complex thinking that I didn't have any sex appeal now that I’m a mom and look different from when I was modeling. Knowing I have the wrong parts to get you off makes me feel a hell of a lot better about it, actually.” We both break into laughter, and just like that, the tension that was hanging thick around us mists away.

“Fuck, thank you for making me laugh. This has been weighing on me far too long, and I think I got too worked up about how to tell you and not make you hate me.”

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