Page 33 of The Bourbon Bargain

I turn my head to see Hayes eyeing the dog speculatively.

“My money’s still on him, but it wouldn’t be an outright win, that’s for sure. Your mother… is something to contend with.”

“That’s an understatement,” I mumble, rolling to my side and displacing Cerberus’s head. He shifts to the end of the bed, and Hayes takes the spot, facing me with his head propped on his hand.

“We don’t have to do any of this, you know. We are married, and no matter what your mother insists should happen for people to think better of us, all that matters to me is your happiness.” He strokes a tendril of hair away from my eyes and out of my face. His fingers glide around the shell of my ear and down my neck, stopping when his palm is over my heart. “What do you want, in here, angel?”

I shiver under his touch and the burning green stare that is deep enough to drown in. “I want to make everyone happy.” The words are whispered, but they come from a part of me that shies away from the light of day.

I recognize I may just be the world’s biggest people pleaser as I admit that. I don’t want to disappoint anyone, especially my mother, and it’s always been my own happiness that’s lost out when there has been a choice. It’s been easier that way when the alternative was to deal with Mama’s legendary wrath. The tiny seed of choosing myself that was planted could wither away, again, should I fall back into the habit of doing what others want, and I stubbornly want to give myself a chance, for once.

“What would make you happy? Do you want to run off to Turks and Caicos for New Year’s instead of sticking around here? You mentioned that once before. I can make it happen, just say the word.”

I smile, remembering the moment of brutal honesty when he asked me what I wanted and I said I wanted to be with him, then took it back out of mortification and said I’d rather go to Turks and Caicos.

He remembers, too, it seems. That was the moment I started to fall for this man because he held me to my original statement and ran off with me, away from Mama and her crazy arranged marriage schemes. He let me choose and continues to nurture that power in me.

“If we get married again, I still want it to be about us, not just some production Mama is planning for other people. Do you have any input about what would feel like us?”

His eyes smolder, burning bright as he contemplates my question. “I really like you in white,” he says, his voice deep as he traces a finger along the length of my neck. “That night you walked into my garden, you were luminous in the moonlight coming through the greenhouse glass. I was enchanted. I’d want to do that moment over again.”

I feel my cheeks heat with his words. “That’s what I was thinking of, too. A small ceremony in the garden. And…” I pause, wondering if I should tell him the extent of the daydream and the thought I’ve put into it now that Mama is intent on steering the ship.

“And…? What’s going through that beautiful brain of yours?”

“If we made the ceremony what we want, I think I can compromise and let Mama throw a blowout reception that would make her happy.”

“I think that’s a good way to split the difference with Hurricane Caroline.”

I chuckle at the new moniker. “She really is something, isn’t she? I wish I had half of her insistent confidence and brazen disregard for anyone else.”

“Your mother would be lucky to have half your empathy and kindness. How she managed to raise a daughter like you, her opposite in every way, I may never know.”

“So, we should go through with this?” I sit up, and Hayes follows. He takes my hands in his.

“Only if it will make you happy, angel. Fuck what other people think. We don’t have to defend our relationship by bending to the perceptions of others. I love you, and I’m willing to do whatever is necessary to make sure you know that without a doubt, and not just know but feel it. Even if it takes letting your mama plan our wedding to make her happy and keep your relationship intact.”

I take a deep breath and let it out slowly as I make my final decision. I may regret it a million times before the week is over, but Mama was right to bargain with unfettered access to my trust when I have a new project that could benefit from it. She played her trump card and we both know it. I can’t turn it down.

“Are you ready to bring your bargaining skills to the table with a hurricane when it’s my happiness on the line? Mama won’t like it one bit, and I’m going to need you on my side to ensure I can ask for what I really want.”

“I am always on your side, and I will fight any battle for you. I’ll handle this if you want.”

I nod, feeling my confidence at being able to ask for what I want from Mama sliding away. Hayes won’t have the same problem. “Please.”

He grabs my hand and hauls me off the bed so we can head back downstairs. Cerberus trots at my heels down the staircase, and Hayes lets him lie at my feet when we settle ourselves back at the table.

“Are you through with your hissy fit, young lady? It was very rude of you to leave like that.”

I feel my shoulders hiking up at Mama’s words, and Hayes senses the tension in me. He smooths his hand down my spine and leaves a warm, reassuring warmth on my hip where it comes to rest.

“I’m feeling very overwhelmed by your preemptive planning, Mama. It’s okay to need to take a break from someone who likes to make all the plans for you, and in this case, I needed a moment to compose myself and figure out what I want in this situation.”

“Oh, Paige, you can’t mean that. I just want what’s best for you, and I’m taking on the brunt of this planning to help you.”

“Ah, but that’s just it, Caroline. You’re not helping Paige, you’re planning out every aspect of what should be her day. Instead of listening to your daughter, you’re taking away her agency and forcing what you want on her, as usual. Why not ask Paige what she wants for once and find a way to incorporate that into what you’re insisting on despite her never wanting this in the first place? The least you can do is compromise since she’s allowed you this concession of putting on a big wedding in the first place.” Hayes is all patience and calm, whereas I am, once again, a rattled and intimidated daughter working through my mother’s latest gaslighting attempts.

“You have no idea the lengths I have gone to for my daughter,” Mama says, clutching the strand of pearls at her neck. “I am ensuring the future she deserves, despite having picked you to marry.”

---