Page 48 of The Bourbon Bargain

Mama sits on the bench at her vanity and drops her face into her hands, looking wearier than I think I’ve ever seen her. She sighs deeply and drops her hands, one arm staying on the vanity and fingering a strand of pearls lying on a silver tray with her perfume bottles.

“There are many parts of this world I wish I could shield you from. There is so much evil that would tear you apart. I’ve spent your entire life worried about what could happen and doing everything in my power to protect you from the worst of it.”

“You’ve done a great job of that,” I say, settling onto the bench next to her and nudging my shoulder into hers.

“No, I haven’t.” Her voice breaks on the word and my heart goes with it. “Despite my best intentions, you were still assaulted in high school during the one party I let you attend, and now you’ve gone off and married someone much too old and just all wrong for you. I couldn’t stop the worst from happening to you despite my best efforts, and it breaks my heart anytime I think of my failures.” A tear tracks down her cheeks and she makes no move to brush it away.

I wrap my arms around my middle and fight through my own rising anxiety at the mention of the trauma. “What happened with Garrison in high school was awful. It ruined a part of my life and took an innocence from me that I’ll never get back. But it also taught me to be wary of other people’s intentions. It kept me out of trouble for the rest of high school and college because I knew better than to hang with that crowd or even try to date. As hard as it was to go through that, maybe it saved me more trouble down the road, which is valuable in itself. I’m squeaky clean for this generation, and you don’t see that much.”

She huffs out a bitter laugh. I can feel the tension radiating off of her through the closeness of our shoulders on the bench. I want this to be the end of the conversation, but I know there is more that must be discussed before we can ever move past her betrayal. I inhale deeply and fight the tremors from coursing through me.

“Still… You made a mistake wanting to arrange a marriage for me with Garrison for your own benefit. You completely disregarded my safety and peace of mind so you could get what you wanted in the end. That wasn’t done out of love, Mama, and you have to accept that it changed our relationship irrevocably.”

Mama’s chin drops, tears falling down her cheeks again. “Maybe I was too lost to my own ambitions to see it clearly at the moment. Your father and I have had many discussions over the last few weeks about what I kept from him and how I could have thought it was beneficial to set you back in Garrison’s path,” she says with unusual trepidation. “I may have been… wrong… to think that Garrison would have changed or not to have fought for you when it happened all those years ago. You’re right, I made a mistake, but more than that, I wasn’t protecting you at all. Even when I’m trying to protect you, I just end up hurting you. I’m a failure.” Mama’s voice is weak and stammering when she usually oozes confidence. Admitting fault does not come easily to her, and to have messed up so epically and having to own it now is the antithesis of her typical cool confidence and bravado.

“As for marrying Hayes—I hope you can see that I am head over heels in love with the man, despite any objections you have. Being with him has taught me to value my opinions and desires, to know my worth, and to ask for what I want. He’s incredibly caring, loving, and protective as well, and he makes me feel cherished beyond anything else.”

“This isn’t the way I imagined you would meet your husband or fall in love. He’s just… not at all what I wanted for you.”

I drop my hands into my lap and spin the gold and diamond rings on my left hand. Instead of arguing the point or telling her every part of my relationship and how it came to be, I will appeal to her protective side.

“If you wanted me to be with a man who loved me unconditionally, was willing to protect and fight for me, and could give me the life you think I need, I certainly found him. I hope someday you will grow to love him nearly as much as I do, because he is everything I could ever want in a husband, and he makes me so very happy.”

“He stole your legacy while making you fall in love with him. How can that be caring or make you happy?” She turns her head and I see the anger set in her features. Her disregard for the progress we are making is shown in her quick return to the hardest thing I’ve had to endure this month.

Oof. I take a deep breath through the hurt, knowing that’s never going to sit well.

“You’re right, I was very unhappy when I found out what he did. But it wasn’t just Hayes who took away my legacy. Daddy sold the business to him, like it or not.” She shakes her head roughly, so I press on. “It was hard to understand why Hayes would buy the business despite knowing it was my one dream.” I swallow the difficult truth and continue. “But… maybe losing the one dream I’d had all my life was what I needed to see there were so many other opportunities out there that needed what I could bring to the table?” It dawns on me as I say it, hope blooming in my chest to replace the ache of losing a legacy. “I was so set on the life I was told I would have that my eyes were never open to the simplest things around me that were beautiful or needed exactly what I have to offer.”

“You can’t mean that! He took what was rightfully yours and now you will never have the opportunity to lead the Xenios Group or run the hotels.”

She doesn’t know what Hayes and his brothers did. How could she?I made a grave mistake by not telling her this sooner.

“It’s not what I had imagined, but I do have the opportunity to lead something even bigger now. I have a controlling interest and a seat on the board for the hotel group Hayes created that Xenios and The Mansion are now a part of.” I tilt my head against Mama’s again, trying to help her see this revelation with me.

“He gave you controlling interest in the hotels?” Mama asks, her eyes dropping to her hand on the pearls, where her fingers continue to smooth over the beads one by one, like she’s reciting the rosary.

“Yes. I’m an equal with Hayes and his brothers in that endeavor. What they created is something incredible. It’s the largest luxury boutique hotel group in the country. It’s bigger than Xenios ever aspired to be, and I have a big part in how it operates and what direction it goes.”

“You’re not devastated about losing out on your legacy?”

“Oh, I was, don’t get me wrong.”

I shake my head. That’s a pain that likely will take much longer to heal, and there will always be a part of me that longs for the simplicity of knowing exactly where I would be in ten years’ time.

“It took a while to let that sink in and probably will always be a bit of a sore spot, despite having the role I do now.” I tuck my hair behind my ear as I admit this. “It took having that door closed for me to turn and find a hallway of doors now open that I otherwise never would have looked for.”

Mama abandons the pearls and takes my hands in hers, her red-rimmed eyes locked on mine. “I always thought I would see you at the helm of your daddy’s company.”

“Sure, that was the future that was always set out for me to aspire to. But aside from my board position with the Olympus Hotel Group, Hayes gave me my own company to run. I love what he did with Underworld Spirits, and to be handed the reins on that project shows a huge amount of trust on his part. I have a lot of ideas, and already the brand is rising in popularity despite just launching. I get to be creative and take it to new places while learning a new branch of business that will be another tool in my belt for anything that comes along in the future. But, beyond those things, we have also started a foundation to help people that I get to pour my heart and soul into. I can use your family’s rich history in agriculture to give back to the community. It’s an opportunity to shift my sole focus from the day-to-day of business, that I never seem to pull my head away from, to see that others are in need.” My enthusiasm and excitement has worked into my tone, and I finish nearly vibrating with the potential that is now in front of me thanks to one door closing.

“You may be right, that is a new way of looking at things. You might just get the experience we hoped for you, and more this way.” Mama’s begrudging tone and the words she speaks are unfamiliar, but I latch onto them anyway.

“I’m sorry, did you just admit I was right about something?” I ask in confusion. Am I delirious? Did Hayes screw me silly last night and I woke up in another timeline?

Mama straightens and rolls her eyes at me. “Don’t be glib, young lady.”

“I’m not being glib, I’m deadly serious Mama, I think that may be the first time you’ve ever said I was right about something, and I kind of want to savor this moment for posterity.”

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