Page 76 of The Game

“What were you guys doing, exactly?”

Another excellent question. I still don’t know, despite four days of chewing it all over. Getting over our pasts?

“Friends with benefits,” I say, but the words curl up inside me like burned paper. “God, what is it with me and women? I know how to pick them, that’s for sure.”

“I think they pick you, Adam. Because you’re this amazing, dependable, organized guy.”

I start to laugh. I don’t think women see me that way, only Fabian with his crazy unbalanced life would see something positive in that. “Yeah, I don’t think those are killer traits with the ladies.”

“I think you’d be surprised. When your life’s a mess, or when you can’t rely on those closest to you to tell the truth, what do you want? Someone calm and capable and honest, that’s what.”

Yeah, his home life was a real car crash before he met Kate. “Like Kate,” I say, smiling.

He grunts. “She’s all that, and about twenty-six other things besides. I’ll never keep up with her.”

Doesn’t he realize he’s like this incredible hacker, at the top of his game, even if no one recognizes it?

Maybe Anna still needs somebody who is calm, capable, and honest. The waves of loneliness that radiated from her when I first met her haven’t gone away, have they? Perhaps she still needs someone who’s on her side. Something wild takes a grip on my chest. It’s hope, and fuck, how could I be hopeful in a situation like this? But something is driving me on, like seeing a mirage in the desert. I’ve had a taste of the life I want, something I never thought I’d find. I was settled in my little underground office, not exactly happy, like a forgotten book that’s unread and covered in dust, and then she came in and flicked through all my pages, stirring it all up. Ten years ago, I lost part of myself. I don’t know what bit it was: trust, belief, an inherent feeling that your life is going to go forward, not backward. It disappeared after Celine, and then Anna opened Pandora’s box.

“She kicked me to the curb,” I say. “How would I get over that?”

“Blackmail.”

“What?”

“Blackmail. Make her feel guilty for abandoning you. Lean on her a little.”

“What are you talking about?”

He narrows his eyes at me. “You want her?”

“What kind of question is that? She’s Anna Talanova!”

“Well, you need to be devious.”

“Like slash my arm in the ER, you mean?”

He has the good grace to shift a little in his seat. “I wasn’t in the best frame of mind when I did that.”

“No kidding. Jesus Christ. You’re a lunatic. I’m not manipulating Anna into … into … whatever.”

“I’m not saying that. Just manipulate her a little into spending time with you. Be a friend. Someone she can’t do without. I couldn’t do that: No woman has ever viewed me as a reliable friend. I’m not that guy, but you are.”

“Yeah, because that’s so sexy.”

He laughs. “It fucking is! Good friends are like gold dust, and most men can’t do it. You’re incredible at it. You’ve kept the three of us together for years. Talk to her, send her pictures, invite her to things, and offer to help. No one fucking does that. I can’t believe I’m the one talking about shit like this.” He starts laughing.

Maybe he’s on to something.

“You provide her with everything she can’t find anywhere else. She needed you for events, didn’t she? How about offering to be her plus one again?”

I open my mouth and close it. I’m not sure that worked out so well for us. But perhaps I know something she’d like better.

30

ANNA

The text arrives while I’m running way beyond my normal pace on the treadmill in my gym, sweat dripping onto the belt. Because eight hours of shit tennis is not enough in a day, apparently. Am I so angry about the terrible practice today that I have to punish myself more? Ilov is being so patient with me, and I’ve got to leave for Australia in three weeks for the buildup to the Australian Open, like a big fat dead end to this whole car crash.

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