Page 55 of The Game

“Do you want to stay over?” I say, pulling back, and fuck, my restraint has taken a long dive off the top of a cliff.

“With you?”

“If you want to, although I’m sure Janus has other bedrooms.” I glance at my wrist. “It’s late. Have you eaten?”

She shakes her head.

“If you stayed, I could rustle us something up and you could avoid the paparazzi in the morning.”

“I have practice.”

I smile at her. “How early?”

“7 a.m. I’d like to stay, but I have nothing with me and I’d need to get up at the crack of dawn. Will Janus be happy with having Pepper? He has cats, doesn’t he?”

“You can sleep in my T-shirt. I’ll talk to Janus. I’m certain the cats will survive for one night.” Am I railroading her?Maybe.“Let me show you where I’m sleeping.”

When I tap on the study door, Janus peers over his shoulder with that grin on his face again.

“Enough already,” I say before he opens his mouth.

“My lips are sealed. What do you need?”

“Anna’s going to stay tonight. Is it okay if Pepper’s here? I wasn’t sure about the cats and …”

“They’ll be fine.”

“Have you eaten? Is it okay if I raid your fridge?”

“Yeah, I’ve had something. Feel free to raid anything you like.”

“Have you got a spare toothbrush?”

“Of course, anything else?”

“Just that, I think.”

He stands, smiling. “Guess my tech help got a better offer, huh?” He heads off to hunt out a toothbrush.

Janus turns up with a toothbrush just as I’m raiding his fridge, and I cook some toast and eggs and we chat with him as we eat at his kitchen island. Thenwe bid him goodnight and head into the bedroom.

After Anna showers, she appears in the T-shirt I’ve given her and slides into bed. Seeing a woman in my tee … it makes my chest tight in an unexpected way. It’s been a long time. I take another quick shower and pull on my boxers, examining my face and the inky smudges beneath my eyes as I brush my teeth. Nothing’s happening tonight, Adam. We’re sharing a bed, that’s all.

The room’s dark when I open the bathroom door, so I pad across the floor and climb under the covers, settling on my back and tucking my hands behind my head. Anna doesn’t move or say anything. I close my eyes and take a deep breath as I listen to her breathing. Did she fall asleep that fast?

“Anna?” I whisper. Nothing.

I guess she did.

When I wake again in the middle of the night, I’m wrapped around something warm, something else pressing into the hollow of my back. It’s such a foreign feeling. I live alone. When did I even last touch someone out of affection? I peer over my shoulder and can dimly make out the shape of Pepper curled up. My nose is surrounded by a cloud of tickling hair, and I’m inhaling rose and mint. My arm is tucked over Anna’s waist, every fingertip resting on abs that are firm under my palm, her bottom snug against my crotch. Her lungs move against my torso, the steady in out, in out of the deeply asleep. Protectiveness roars through me, and I curl in a bit more, wanting to absorb her. The warmth surrounding me seeps in everywhere, stirring something deep in my body, like a peace and light I haven’t felt for a long time. Perhaps not ever.

We had a cat when I was younger, and my mom didn’t let it any farther into the house than the kitchen, but sometimes it snuck into my room and hid under the covers down by my legs. When my mom asked whether I’d seen it, I said I hadn’t, so the cat got to spend the night in the warmth with me, like a furry hot-water bottle. I’d sneak him outside early in the morning to do his business so my mom wouldn’t find him in the house, and in this way the cat and I avoided the trouble that that would bring. He always seemed to understand. He would look back at me as he headed off down the path in the backyard as if to say: We know what we’re doing, you and I.

For the last eight years, I’ve always thought I enjoyed the peace of my apartment. A quiet little space where I can sit and think and do my own thing, nobody needing me or asking me to do anything. After Celine and realizing what she’d done, having the apartment was like throwing off a huge weight, like I’d dodged a bullet and cheated life, and I’ll forever be grateful to Fabian for what he made me understand about how Celine behaved. Living alone without the oppressiveness of first my mother and then her, I was giddy. But now all this with Anna is making me wonder. Has it been peace or avoidance? Have I buried myself away? My eyes drift shut. The heat, the comfort of a shared experience, holding on to something and being held in return. I loved that old cat at home. He was my best friend.

When I wake later, Pepper and Anna have gone, and when I turn, blinking at the clock, it says 8 a.m. Light is seeping around the edges of the blinds and casting lines across the ceiling. I can’t believe we slept curled together like we’ve been sharing a bed forever.

You don’t have to head into the office today.

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