Page 78 of The Photograph

And I’ve had no word from anyone else either: not my father, my mother, or even Rachel. It’s like being plunged into ice. Iamalone. Alone in whatever it is I’m heading into. Am I crazy to be doing this? Throwing my life into the air with no way of determining how the pieces will land. Only days ago, I was fastening my tie, sighing about my mother clucking about relations coming around and asking me what I wanted for dinner. Now I don’t even know if they’d have me back in their house. Is it even still my home?

What is family love? I could give it a definition, but it wouldn’t be like anything I’ve experienced. To have things given with one hand but taken away for the slightest provocation. Well, okay, this was more than a slight provocation. But to have the conditional nature of it slapped in my face like that! But I’m deluding myself—it was always conditional. That’s why we’re all conforming, all struggling in this fight between being ourselves and hanging on to our parents’ love. Am I going to be the first one to break free? The only one? Perhaps I can set an example for my older sisters and help all of them step out from under my father’s shadow. The look of terror on Hannah’s face when she picked up her plate and left. She didn’t stay to back me up,though I don’t blame her for avoiding his temper. Christ, will he alienate us all?

Before I know it, I’m heading into the subway. Sucking in a deep breath, I inhale the scent of coffee from a takeout place, so I stop to buy one. There’s no rush now. Des will either be home or not, and I’ll wait. I can do this.

When I arrive at Des’s apartment block, the doorman—Darius, I think—remembers me.

“Mr. Alex, right?” he says. “You here for the party? Let me buzz up and tell him you’re here.”

Aparty? That he didn’t mention to me? I’d convinced myself he was in a late meeting and that’s why he’d not responded to my texts. My stomach sinks.

Des’s voice is an excited babble on the other end of the phone from Darius who is grinning like a Cheshire cat. “Yes, yes,” he says, hanging up. “He said to send you up!”

We shift over to the elevator, and he scans his tag over the pad, pressing the button for Des’s floor. When I step out, music and loud conversation are drifting down the corridor, and Des’s apartment door is propped open, laughter and noise seeping around the edges. Shit.

Des materializes in the doorway, swaying slightly and grinning.

“Alex!” he says, throwing out his arms.

“You’re having a party?” I can tell my face is pinched.

“A spontaneous get-together.” He frowns. “I thought you were having dinner with your family? Believe you me, you would have been my first invite if I’d known you were free.”

There’s an excited squeak and George appears behind him, pushing past Des and rushing at me, hauling me into a warm embrace. I look at Des over George’s shoulder, bringing my hands up to hug him back.

“OMG, this guy,” he says, jerking his thumb back at Des. “He’s been talking about you all night.” Des’s eyes meet mine, and he shakes his head.

George tips back and grimaces at me. “Frankly, you are setting a standard none of us can live up to.”

This makes me smile.

“Believe you me, I am no one’s high standard,” I say.

George takes my hand and turns around, dragging me toward Des, who frowns.

“What happened to your face?” he says.

George swings back round, eyes sweeping over my face.

Of course, Des won’t have picked up my messages. He has no idea what’s gone on tonight.

“My dad hit me.”

George’s eyebrows shoot up.

“What is going on out here?” Dimitri appears in the doorway, followed by the guy I ran into at the hospital, Steve, and two other guys.

“Oh my God, the beautiful Alex!” Dimitri hoots, stepping forward and pulling me into a bear hug.

“You’vemet him already?” George growls. His eyes narrow. “Wait, did you meet him before me?”

Des rolls his eyes. “Why did your dad hit you, Alex?” he says, mouth a flat line.

Closing my eyes, I grimace.Can we have this conversation without an audience?My insides curl up like dead leaves on a sidewalk.

“I told him I was gay.”

Des’s lips part. “You came out to your family?”

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