Page 66 of The Photograph

“But you’re doing it. I don’t think I can view sex the way that you …”

I shake my head, and the whole room swims. A groan rumbles up my throat, and Alex moves to my side, taking my hand.

“Are you all right?”

I lean back nodding while the nausea subsides. “I know I was out of order last night, but I’m pretty sure nothing happened,” I rasp out. “After the meeting with Tom, I was in a bad place. I looked you up online.”

Alex’s eyebrows rise up. “What was wrong with what was online?”

“Nothing, I guess. But it was your whole life—that you haven’t even mentioned to me. There were pictures of you and Tom.” My throat tightens. “Happy pictures.”

Alex nods. “Wewerehappy. It felt like my first real relationship—if that makes sense.”

I growl at him. “Don’t tell me that.”

His eyes go wide. “What do you mean? You’ve just been holding hands with a guy you’ve slept with, who pressed his hand into your chest like he owns you, kissed you, and said he loves you!”

“Steve’s not even an ex of mine, Alex. And this is a completely different thing than that.” I gesture between us.

“What’sthis?”

“You and I,” I say.

“How is itanydifferent?”

“It’s not casual,” I growl. “When has iteverbeen casual?”

He stares at me.

“Unless you think it’s casual,” I mutter.

“No, no I don’t. I never have.”

He takes my hand. His lashes are damp, eyes rimmed red.

“Guys are going to be affectionate with me, and I’m affectionate with them. That’s kind of how I roll,” I say. “And it’s how my group of friends behave, too. We ended up friends because we slept with each other, and so we have an intimacy that wouldn’t be there otherwise.”

“Yeah, I get it. I guess I’m not used to seeing it so out there.”

“It doesn’t mean anything except that we’re good friends.”

He gazes down at where our hands are joined. “Okay,” he says.

I wind my fingers through his. Can I make him comfortable with this, help him understand?

“I’m not going to sleep with someone else, Alex. But if you’re not happy with how I behave then you need to tell me. It’s a compromise. If it bothers you, we can work something out.”

“That Steve guy was bothering me,” he growls.

Seeing growly Alex reappear gives me a little thrill, but I can’t resist pushing a little. “For all the sex I have and the fact I’ve slept with a lot of guys, I’m not a liar.”

He winces at this, and I squeeze his hand to take away the sting of my words.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you more about my family … about Tom. I was enjoying it all so much with you that I didn’t want to think about them and all the problems when I was with you. Like it would taint it somehow. It’s so oppressive at home, it’s …” He blows out a long breath.

Another little charge buzzes through me with the “enjoying it all so much with you” comment. I curl my fingers through his. “I want a relationship. With you. I don’t want anyone else.”

He nods. “Okay.”

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