Page 55 of The Photograph

“You know, it wasn’t as awful as it appears. It was less about my consistency and more about all the opportunity. I moved into the city and went to all these places for the first time. Good-looking guys were everywhere, and by that time I knew all about staying safe. I realized pretty fast that a lot of guys just wanted to hook up. If I called someone after an evening, the response was often ‘What are you calling me for?’ But I’d also be lying if I said I wasn’t into it—I was like a kid in a candy shop. There was so much sex on offer.”

Alex chews on a nail. “I must seem so naïve to you.”

“God, no, Alex. For years, I’ve been tired of the scene. I’ve tried to do longer-term with people, but I meet the wrong kinds of guys all the time. George was one of those people. Whoever it is, they always end up being unfaithful. I’ve felt like you do now: the odd fish, the strange person who wants loyalty.”

Alex’s lips twitch. “Des. You’re on Grindr.”

I start to laugh. “Yeah, yeah, okay. I know. Not the ideal place,” I mumble, waving my hand. “And I’ve had fun on Grindr. I don’t want to give you the impression that I haven’t liked the picture my history paints. I’ve had a good time. Agreattime.”

He nods, and I lace my fingers through his, bringing them to my mouth and kissing them.

“It’s the right time for another kind of good time now,” I whisper, closing my eyes, then turning my head toward him. “I don’t want you to think I’m giving anything up or that I’m changing for you. I’ve wanted something longer-term for a long time and I’m loving this.” I squeeze his hand. “I’m loving taking it slow. You asked me several times the other night whetherthings were lame and they’re not. Not at all. These past six weeks have been amazing.”

This gets me a half smile. “Good.”

I tilt my head at him. “Shall we eat?”

And his smile broadens as he nods.

After dinner and an episode ofNCIS, Alex disappears into the bathroom and comes out in some cute sleep shorts, hesitating by the bed.

“Which side do you want to make yours?” I grin up at him.

“The one nearest the door,” he says.

That came out soautomatically.“Why’s that?”

“So I can escape.”

My eyes widen.

He laughs. “Oh God, that came out so badly. When I was younger it was about escaping my dad,” he adds.

Shock rolls through me. “Did heabuseyou?”

“Oh no! He just had a temper. At some point I realized we had all put our beds close to the door. As I got older, I’d follow my father into my sisters’ rooms if I thought he was going to rip into them.” He shrugs.

Yeah. Okay. I’ve stepped in a few times for my siblings, too. We have that role in common.

I shift across and pat the bed. “Get your ass in here.”

He places his glasses on the nightstand and slides in beside me, settling on his back and pulling the sheet up over us. Pushing at his shoulder to turn him so his back is toward me, I curl up into him slotting my arm around his torso and resting the palm of my hand in the middle of his chest. I bury my nose in his hair. Apples again and … fuck. If that’s his shampoo, apples are going to torment me until the end of time.

“Um, Des?”

“Yes?” I mumble into his head.

“What are you doing?”

“Sleeping.”

He lets out a long sigh that I feel through my hand on his pecs. And that’s how I know I’ve made the right call.

“But don’t you want to …?”

“I’m savoring this.” I squeeze his pecs. “This is our first night together.”

“Okay,” he says. He pulls my hand up from his chest and kisses my fingers before wriggling back into me. His ribs move softly in and out against mine.

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