Page 42 of The Photograph

I stare at him. He’s looking down, rearranging the salad in his sandwich, fishing out the pickle.

“Is that a serious question?”

He glances up a me, cheeks a little pink.

“I’m well aware that you hook up, Des. I understand what this is.”

What thisis? I shake my head. “I haven’t hooked up since I met you.”

His eyes go wide, and he stares at me, swallowing. “You’re kidding.”

“Why would I be kidding? I wouldn’t joke about something like that.”

His eyes close, and he looks like he’s almost in pain as his Adam’s apple bobs. “You said you didn’t do exclusive. You don’t need to …”

Tipping my head to one side, I reach over to squeeze his hand. “No. No, Alex. I know I said that but I like this. I like waiting for you. I don’t want to hook up.”

His cheeks are pale, eyelashes brushing the dark shadows under his eyes. Unease burns through me. He doesn’t seem in a good place today.

He opens his eyes. “I went out last night, too. Someone messaged me on Grindr.”

And my whole stomach plummets, but as I watch a muscle ticking in his jaw, I realize that tears have filled his eyes.Oh God.His head drops as he looks down at the table and shakes his head. All I can see is a shimmer of water on his lashes.

I tip my head down to try and get him to meet my eyes as I squeeze his fingers. “What happened?”

“I’m an idiot.”

“No, you’re not. Tell me.”

“I called you last night and you were in the shower, and Marla said you were going out with someone and I just thought …” His voice drains to a whisper, and then he takes his glasses off, wiping them on his shirt sleeve and pressing his long fingers into the corner of his eyes.

And he doesn’t even have to tell me, I can imagine what Marla said and what he thought.Jesus, Marla.And I’m a fuckingidiot. Why the hell did I go out with George last night?This lovely man. I’ve wounded him.Fuck, Des.

“God, I’m sorry, Alex, I should never have …”

“It’s my own fault. I met up with him because I wanted to get some more experience.” He huffs. “Whatever that means.”

“Moreexperience? In what? You don’t need more experience, Alex. You’re perfect just as you are.”

But he just presses his lips together and shakes his head.

“Will you tell me what happened?”

“I went to a bar in Harlem to meet this guy.”

“Jake’s?”

His eyes go wide. “You know it?”

And God help me, I can’t help the smile that curls over my face. I shouldn’t be laughing but … Jesus,Jake’s. “How bad was it?”

He’s still gaping at me. Then his lips curl somewhat reluctantly. “The guy I met, Carlos, put my hand on his fly within ten seconds of meeting me and then followed me into the washroom and put his hand on me while I was trying to relieve myself. Two guys came in and started doing the business on the sink.”

Giggles catch in the back of my throat … and Alex starts to grin as his shoulders ease. “It was epically bad. I thought I might not get out alive.”

I waft my hand over my face. “I’m sorry for finding it funny. It’s just … Jake’s is renowned as a dive. You only go there if you want a bit of rough, and it’s kind of a given that it’ll be blowjobs in the bathroom.”

Alex runs his hands up his face. “He actually suggested that.”

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