Page 126 of The Photograph

He shakes his head at me. “I’m a fucking idiot,” he mutters. “I said some stupid stuff I never should have said to you.”

“Like what?”

He huffs and looks away.

“Like what, Alex?”

“About you sleeping with other guys, about George, about that goddamn photograph!” he shouts. Shouting is not something Alex does. “I’ve always been too insecure for this relationship.”

What? What is happening here?We’ve beensohappy since we came to South Korea. It’s like the rug has been jerked out from under me.

“But I thought you were happy here? Watching you do all this stuff, experiment, forge a new career: It’s incredible for me to see you spread your wings like this,” I say.

“I’m trying to live up to you!”

Cold slithers through my veins like ice.Oh no.“You don’t want to do all this?” I whisper.

“I don’t know.” He sinks down onto the couch and puts his head in his hands.

“I thought you wanted to make our time here amazing?”

“I did. I do.”

“Alex, you have nothing to live up to. I’m just a cog in a wheel in a startup. There’s no glamour in it, as you can see day in day out. I don’t know what to say to you to make up for my past.” I spread my hands. “I can’t change it.”

Alex presses his fingers into his eyes. “I don’t want you to change it; it’s who you are. It’s just … all people were talking about last night was how gorgeous you are. I’m so in love with you. I gave up my life to be with you. I’m not saying that to make you feel bad, I was so up for the opportunity, but I jumped off a big cliff and I’m still waiting to hit the bottom.”

Sinking down onto the coffee table in front of him, I pull his hands away from his eyes. My throat is tight, eyes itching.

“Do you want to go home?”

“What? No!”

“I’d go back in a heartbeat if it was what you wanted.”

He stares down at the rug and shakes his head.

“Alex, when you spread your wings, it takes time to learn how to fly. We all have our time in the sun. Mine might be now; yours might be tomorrow or ten years from now. I’ve a feeling it might be this year for you, given the response last night. There’s no reason to feel insecure with me; you have my heart. What can I do to put you on solid ground here? I want to know everything you’re thinking about us.”

Laughter gurgles out of him. “No. No, you don’t.”

“Yes, I do!”

“You want to hear all my insecurities where you’re concerned?

“Yes, if you want to listen to mine.”

His lips twist, and he shakes his head. “You don’t have any insecurities.”

This again! “Are youkiddingme? Don’t discount my feelings like that! My boyfriend was dragged through that whole gallery, and every time I turned around people were looking and talking about him. About what a talent you are, about how cuteyouare! Then I proposed to you, and you basically said no and disappeared. Frankly, I thought I’d lost you this morning. In my head you were either dead or leaving the country.”

He laughs. “That’s crazy, Des. I forced you to propose to cheer me up.”

“You think I wasn’t one hundred percent serious?”

He scowls. “We’ve known each other eleven months.”

“Iknow, Alex.”

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