Had she found his deepest, darkest secret? Had she learnt that he’d stripped her of a chance to bear a child of her own flesh and blood? And had that loss driven her to madness?
I stared into Julian’s eyes, digging, screwing in. Something hot and reckless was clawing at my soul.Did she threaten to expose you to all of Capra?
The smile left his eyes, turning the look in them cold and flat.
I was a coward.
I dropped my gaze, refocused my heated stare on a split runner bean on my plate. But my heart was racing. My fingers trembled around my grip on the fork. My other hand was below the table and I rubbed a sweaty palm on my thigh. The thick woolen trousers I was wearing suddenly felt too thick, too hot.
My skin was burning up.
I forced myself to stab the runner bean and put it in my dry mouth. My saliva tasted like acid. My stomach broiled. I was going to vomit. I had never been so afraid, not once, not in my entire life.
The fear was a living thing inside me, and it wasn’t fear that Julian had already determined I was a threat. It was fear of myself, that I wouldn’t be able to control this fire burning up inside me. That the fury squirming inside me would escape and…and that I would do something stupid, hurl reckless accusations at Julian, and I would end up just like— No, I wouldn’t, Icould notend up like Miriam.
When I glanced up again, Julian was no longer looking at me.
The conversation had moved on.
But I hadn’t. What the hell was wrong with me?Let it go. Not forever, just for now.I forced another runner bean into my mouth and counted the chews, one, two, three, four… Brenda said something to me, I had no idea what.
I glanced at her with a thin smile. “Excuse me?”
She rolled her eyes at my lack of attention. “I asked if you’d decided what you’re wearing to the Foundation Ball yet?”
The Foundation Ball? It took me a moment to comprehend what the hell she was talking about. “I—I don’t know. No, I haven’t.”
“It’s on Friday night,” she exclaimed, as if I’d committed some cardinal sin by not yet choosing my outfit for the annual holiday event.
“I’m sure I have something in my closet.”
“What?” she snorted. “Your graduation gown?”
I drew a blank.
“You couldn’t possibly re-use your graduation gown.” Her brow arched. “I won’t allow it. I have some gowns from Mr. Burnier that I’ve never worn. Come tomorrow and choose one for yourself. There’s still time for him to make adjustments.”
No thanks!
But, what was I missing?
I shot a questioning look at Roman across the table.
His eyes were on me. How long had he been watching? Had he seen the tremble in my fingers? The sweat on my brow? The struggle burning me up?
His voice was sober as he replied, “We’re invited to the ball, Georga. I’m sorry, I should have mentioned it before.”
Yeah, well, we’d been busy. “The main event?”
As in, the actual ball in the Capra Foundation Building that only the most influential families attended, and not just the festivities that took place around town for everyone else?
“Naturally,” Julian injected. “I’m very fond of you and Roman. Of course you’re invited to take your place beside us.” His voice filled with emotion. “This is the 95thanniversary of the Eastern Coalition, and I would like to take this moment to say how incredibly proud I am of everything we’ve achieved, which wouldn’t be possible without you.”
He gaze swept over the table. “Each and every one of you. Our youth. The next generation. You make us proud.” His gaze landed on Daniel and stuck. “You make me proud, my son.”
The way he said that, with such possessive pride, as ifheowned it, owned Daniel, blasted through me.
Because I was slow.