Page 37 of The Sin

“I saidlikeit didn’t happen.” My fingers developed a rage tremor as I lifted the wooden spoon to stir. “They’re not living in a freak show.”

Because more and more, that’s what Capra felt like to me. Everything else, everyone else, was normal. We were the freaks.

“What are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing?” I brandished the spoon at him. “I’m making supper.”

He caught my wrist, tipping his head to level a deeply furrowed look on me. “Whatare you doing?”

I knew what he was asking.

“I don’t know,” I said, the pitch in my voice dropping. “Maybe I’m thinking The Smoke isn’t as bad as I’ve always heard.”

“And you’rewhat?” he asked, the look in his eyes darkening. “Thinking you’ll just run away from Capra and live here?”

Wasthat what I was thinking?

In Capra, we never went without. The lights were always only a click away. The women had time to linger over tea or lunch in the town square. The men had their own establishments. In Capra, no one packed in anywhere like sardines or ate on their feet.

We had the park, two acres of woodland around Flapper Pond. We had the lake and the nature reserve. One day here, and I already missed the vibrancy that only nature could provide, and the fresh air. When I’d blown my nose earlier, the tissue was streaked with black. My mouth no longer felt dry or gritty, but I didn’t know if that was because the wind had changed or I’d just become accustomed to a new normal, because this was all normal for the people here…so many people, where did they all come from?

And most importantly, Capra had my family and friends. Could I be as brave and careless as Jenna, and leave everything behind?

“Because that’s not an option,” Roman stated. “You don’t honestly think the council will just allow people to defect left, right and center?”

I wrested my hand out from his grasp. “They kicked Jenna out.”

“She hadn’t graduated yet. That’s a one-time deal, Georga, and you passed on it. Your choices now are buckle up and live by Capra’s law, or they’ll wipe your slate clean in rehab.”

He was forgetting that I was already beyond Capra law. “Or you can just let me stay here.”

He shook his head. “The Protectorate and council work hand-in-hand for the good of the Eastern Coalition. It’s not just a matter of me letting you do anything.”

“You said the Protectorate only enforce their authority in Gardens,” I snapped. “I’ll disappear into The Smoke.”

“The Protectorate assigns housing and jobs,” he said flatly. “Without their approval, you’ll die in The Smoke. If hypothermia or hunger doesn’t kill you, there’s plenty else on the street that will. And the Protectorate doesn’t care about what happens outside of Gardens so long as the result aligns with the will of the Eastern Coalition. If the council wants you back, the Protectoratewillsend their Protectors to scour every inch of The Smoke until they find you.”

With every word, he took another choice away from me. “If you cared at all, you’d help me disappear.”

“I do care,” he said, his voice turning gruff. “That’s exactly why I won’t help you disappear. You may think you want that life, constantly looking over your shoulder and living in the shadows, always having to stay one step ahead of the authorities, but trust me, you don’t.”

I didn’t even want to run, I realized. What I wanted, what I really wanted, was to fix Capra for everyone. But his arrogance still ruffled my nerves. That was Capra’s way, trusting a man to think for you, to know what’s best for you.

I glared at him, my blood hot, and I don’t know what happened, or when it happened, but my scowl gradually cleared and my glare softened until I was no longer trying to burn a hole through his arrogant skin to roast his soul.

I was looking into his eyes because I couldn’t look away.

Maybe it was the gruff sincerity in his voice.

Maybe it was the glint of intensity feeding into his eyes.

“I will always help you in any way I can,” he said. “So long as I draw breath, I will keep you safe and protect you. I will give you answers, security, happiness. I will always try to give you the life you want, to the best of my ability. But I will not give you a life of hell, no matter how much you beg for it.”

That bittersweet promise thickened the air between us.

The lies and omissions, the arrogance and assumptions, my shattered reality from Sector Five and the rift that had torn through us…all of it melted away like snowflakes falling onto a fire.

There was just this moment, and the memories of how complex my feelings toward Roman had become. The guilt, the desire, the anger, the frustration…and beneath it all, the man. Roman West was not a man my body could ignore. He was not a man my heart could freeze out.

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