“I don’t want to.” He shoved a hand through his hair, his gaze creasing into me as stepped deeper into the room. “But I will.”
Hewasserious.
“Why?”
“Because you hid in the lockbox of my truck to get outside the walls,” he said. “You stole the keys to my office and flaunted the evidence in my face with total disregard for the consequences.”
I had a rather healthy regard for the consequences, actually. I just didn’t allow them to rule me. There was a difference. “And instead of punishing me, you want to reward me?”
He was halfway inside the room, and he didn’t come closer. “This isn’t about punishment or reward.”
I threw my hands up. “Then what on earth is it about?”
“When you decide you want something, you forge ahead, stubborn and reckless.” The way he said that, it bordered on an insult. “Right now, you want the truth, and you don’t want it from me. It’s only a matter of time before you go searching in The Smoke for those answers. Tell me I’m wrong.”
In all honesty, I hadn’t thought The Smoke was an option.
Apparently it was.
“You won’t succeed without my help,” Roman said flatly. “This way, at the very least, I can improve your chances and be there for damage control.”
I had to ask. “But you can’t guarantee my safety?”
“There’s no safety beyond the walls of Capra.” His jaw worked, his gaze boring into me. “You’d be a fool to think there is.”
I was no fool, but I’d risk just about anything for the truth…even if the truth was this heavy weight I’d been carrying for days. I couldn’t shy away from it. That just wasn’t who I was.
Roman, on the other hand, was risking everything for nothing.
“It wouldn’t look good for you if I’m caught,” I said to him. “And what happens to your lofty ambitions if you’re found to be aiding and abetting me?”
He smirked. “I don’t plan on either of us getting caught.”
“You just said there are no guarantees,” I pointed out. “You’ve never had a problem with forcing me to live in blissful ignorance before. What’s changed?”
“You won’t care to hear this, but ignoranceisbliss,” he said, as only a man who’d never lived in ignorance could say. “The truth won’t make you happy. But you know too much and too little. Half-truths are dangerous to yourself and everyone around you.That’swhat’s changed.”
I felt like that was only half an explanation. “You could send me off to rehab. You could keep me under permanent house arrest. You could leave me to make my own mistakes without risking your career and possibly even your freedom.”
“None of those options sit well with me.” He came forward and placed a hand on my shoulder. “Is it so hard to imagine that I’d want to protect you from the dangers both outside the walls and within?”
I had to think about that, but only for a couple of seconds.
“It’s not hard at all,” I said softly. “Okay, let’s go to The Smoke.”
“Or you could stay.” He cocked his head to level a searching look at me, his voice low and deeply compelling, as if he were trying to stamp it on my soul. “You could stay and trust my truths.”
My gaze held his, and familiar warmth swept through me, and I was surprised to realize how much I truly did trust him. “I trust that you’ll always do everything within your power to protect me, to keep me safe. I trust you with my life.”
“But you don’t trust me with the truth.”
“I’m sorry.” I honestly wish I could. But I didn’t know how to. “I feel like my world has been shaken inside out and upside down. I barely trust the solid ground beneath my feet. You said you’ve never lied to me and I believe you, Roman. It’s just that I’m not sure your truth could ever be the same as mine.”
I was fully aware that went both ways. I could never reveal anything about the Sisterhood. There were gray spaces where our lives could never overlap. I was finally starting to appreciate that from his point of view as well, and maybe I’d been too harsh on both of us. Betrayal, lies and deceit were colors on a spectrum that didn’t belong in our gray.
“I understand.” Roman gave a slow nod and stepped back, his hand falling from my shoulder. “We’ll be gone for a couple of days—”
“What?” I cut in, my brow travelling up my forehead. A couple of days? This wasn’t just a sneak trip to The Smoke? I had no idea what was going on, what was going on with Roman. “Um, where will we stay?”