Page 117 of Aine

“Is it because of your hair?”

I hesitate, fiddling with my hat, before shaking my head for the third time.

I shrink in on myself as I feel Damien’s frustration. There doesn’t appear to be any anger within it, but I can’t stop the shiver of fear that slices through me as I sense the negative emotion. I know my lack of speaking doesn’t make things easy.

Damien’s lips purse as he lifts his hand and pushes back his hair. I observe the motion, guilty for making this so hard for him. It’s not my intention to be such a bother, and I’d stop in a heartbeat if I could.

It’s not like I don’t want to be normal again. I haven’t suffered any memory loss. I know this fear and mental paralysis is not who I was a month ago. The first few days back, I was so overwhelmed with my thoughts and terrors that I didn’t remember, but now I do. I borderline hated Damien, finding him crude and selfish. Now he’s the only thing that keeps me safe.

Damien’s fingers tapping against my temple draw my attention back to the present, and I blink rapidly as I turn my focus to him.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” he asks.

I move to shrug but stop before I do. He’s already so frustrated with me today. The least I can do is try.

I clear my throat and beg my brain to work the way I want it to.

“I’m embarrassed,” I croak, my face reddening.

Owen would mock my feelings whenever he was able to detect them, and it’s taken a lot of self-convincing for me to trust that Damien’s not going to do the same.

Fingers stroke my elbows, encouraging me to continue.

“What are you embarrassed about?”

I stare at my plate of food as I respond. “They all saw me tied to the pole. They know what I let him do to me.”

Damien’s pity is thick as he sighs and rubs the top of my head. Most of the time, I enjoy his touch on my stubby hair, but I find myself uninterested when it’s paired with his pity.

Jerking away, I glare until he drops his hands to my cheeks.

He ignores my anger as he rubs his thumbs across my skin. I can tell he’s trying to comfort me, but I hate the pity.

“Most of the beasts were too busy fighting to get a good look at you on the pole, and I promise the select few who did aren’t judging. Nobody blames you for what happened.” He clears his throat. “It wasn’t your fault.”

I shrug, still uncomfortable.

“I think it’ll be good for us to go outside and for you to see just how much everybody cares about you,” he continues. “Plus, I’ve heard the gardens are looking a bit rough without your magic touch. It’s too much for Mia and Abby to manage by themselves.”

Damien grins as I force down a smile. I know he’s just saying that to make me feel better, but it works. I spent a lot of time in the gardens and was really proud of the work I did there.

“What do you say?” he asks, his eyes wide as he waits for my answer.

I nod, sagging my shoulders in defeat.

“You’ll stay with me?” I clarify, desperate to ensure he doesn’t plan to drop me off and wander to the fighting fields.

I’m sure he’s missing work. It sounds like Alex has taken charge of the everyday tasks Damien once managed, both he and Olivia working out of Damien’s office each morning before heading to the fields to oversee the training.

Damien was worried about Alex fighting after the incident that occurred shortly after Freya left for the first time, but it seems he’s been able to hold himself back. I can tell Damien’s still stressed about it as he occasionally calls Olivia in and asks her about Alex’s temperament, but thankfully there have been no issues.

I’ve asked Damien if he misses his work a few times, but he pretends he can’t understand what I’m trying to say. I’d probably believe it if it weren’t for the guilt that emerges from him every time he lies.

“I’m going to stick to you like glue,” Damien promises, his excitement growing as he jumps to his feet and carries our plates to the kitchen.

I shouldn’t be forcing him to stay inside with me all day long. He clearly misses being around his people. My lip trembles, but I force myself to hide my negative emotions as I head to the front door and put on my shoes.

My palms grow sweaty as I mentally prepare for what I’m going to encounter outside this house, still worried about how the beasts will treat me. I don’t believe a word Damien says regarding their lack of judgement, but the least I can do is follow along without a fuss.

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