Page 132 of Her Males

I touch the skin between my collarbones, missing the weight of the stone. I wonder if he’d make me another if I asked, but I have a feeling I already know the answer to that. He was bedridden as a result of the first time, and I doubt he’d be willing to endure that again.

Especially given he can barely even look me in the eye right now.

“I used it,” I say, flushing.

I don’t remember all the details, but I know I slammed it into Asmod’s neck just like Silas taught me. I don’t like to think about the aftermath, but I’m pretty proud of the first half of his death. I protected myself against a demon royal without any help.

Silas looks shocked, his eyes widening before he tapers the expression back down. “When?”

I straighten up, my chest puffing. “I used it on Asmod. It turns out I didn’t need Aziel to save me, and I killed—” I start, squeaking when Silas lunges over my desk and slaps a hand over my mouth.

I blink, dumbfounded, as he looks around and moves closer. I’m sure my heart’s about to beat out of my chest as he brings his lips to my ear, his warm breath tickling the skin.

“No, Charlie. I’m a fate, and the death of a demon royal is a fated action. It throws things off-balance,” he hisses, his voice so low, I can barely hear it despite his proximity. “Aziel killed him, and he’s the one who will face repercussions. Never speak about what happened again. Not to me, not to Gray, not to anybody.”

A bead of sweat drips down my inner arm as I nod. Silas doesn’t move for a long moment, his cheek pressing against mine before he tightens his grip and curses. I didn’t realize it was supposed to be a secret.

That would’ve been helpful for Aziel to mention at some point.

Sometimes I think he forgets how new I am to this world, and the things that may seem obvious to him aren’t always so to me.

Silas looks in pain when he finally pulls away, his hand cautiously sliding from my mouth as he drops to his knees between my thighs. I wish I could read his thoughts like Aziel can. It’d be a huge help when he’s being all weird.

“Tell me exactly what happened that day,” he requests, grabbing my wrists.

I gulp, feeling like this is some test. He just told me not to speak about it.

“Asmod took me to his bedroom. I used my necklace, which knocked him out. Aziel came storming in shortly after and killed him. He stabbed him with a knife he found on the floor before taking me back to the shifter lands,” I lie, hoping this is what he’s looking for.

Silas nods, tapping his temple before his eyes glaze over and roll back. Sometimes I forget he’s got a whole world inside his brain, and I try to contain my fear as I stare at his blank, empty face. His hold on me remains, preventing me from moving until he blinks and re-focuses on me.

The panicked look in his eye is gone as he lets out a deep exhale. His chin lowers to his chest before he tilts his head to the side and cracks his neck, the bones popping underneath his skin. It sounds gross, and I cringe at the unusual behavior.

Silas going to the fated world isn’t that uncommon, but the weird behavior he displays the few seconds after returning always has my heart racing. It’s like he’s a different person, and he has to take some time to return to the Silas I’ve grown to know.

He’s a fate before he’s Silas, and every time I forget, he does something to remind me.

“Thank you,” he says, squeezing my wrists before releasing me.

He looks a bit guilty as he steps away and gives me space. I’m surprised Aziel didn’t come busting in when he felt my fear, but I figure he trusts Silas enough to give us alone time.

“You’re trying to get yourself killed, Charlie,” Silas mutters, running another shaking hand through his hair before moving to my office door.

With his back to me, I feel like I can finally breathe, and I scramble to my feet before he can leave. This is the only real interaction we’ve had since I returned, and I don’t want it to go to waste. I appreciate his apology, and I don’t want to fight anymore.

I want to be his female. I want to be together like he and Gray always talked about. All four of us.

“I’m sorry, too,” I say, rushing up behind him. “I made an awful mistake, one I know I can never take back, but you have no idea how much I regret it. I love you, Silas.”

I place my hand on the small of his back when he doesn’t turn around to face me, and I wait a minute for him to push me away before sliding my fingertips underneath the fabric of his shirt.

He’s as soft as ever, and I place the flat of my palm against his spine before wrapping it around his waist. His abs are hard underneath my fingers, and I put my hand over them as I press my cheek against his back.

I hold him as tears fill my eyes, and I sniffle quietly before continuing.

“I told myself you and Gray didn’t care for me and that our relationship was already over because of my leaving,” I whisper into his spine. “I thought I’d find myself if I experienced intimacy outside of you guys, but I was wrong. I was wrong, Silas, and I’m so fucking sorry.”

He spins, his shirt twisting around his torso as it catches on my thumb. I readjust my hold, letting his shirt fall back into place, before sticking my chin into his sternum and looking up at him. He looks pained, the sight of his sadness intensifying my guilt.

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