Page 80 of Shadow of Death

Kicks caught sight of me in the window, and our eyes locked. It felt like someone had just taken jumper cables to my heart.

I walked away from the window, knowing Kicks was coming here. He’d looked too intent on me. I didn’t know what he wanted, but I was sure to find out.

He walked into the cottage minutes later. I looked at my wolf, who didn’t appear to be doing anything but panting as it stared at Kicks.

Kicks glanced at my wolf, but didn’t seem fazed.

“What do you want? Why are you here?” I asked.

“You know.” His voice sounded strained, and he looked like he was in pain.

I wasn’t playing these games with him. He couldn’t say one thing and act like nothing had happened.

“No, I don’t. Now get out.” I pointed toward the door.

He took a step toward me instead.

“Get out!” I screamed. “I don’t want to hear anything you have to say.”

He took more steps toward me. “You wouldn’t leave. As long as you thought I was threatened,you wouldn’t leave.” He kept walking toward me until he had me cornered. “You wouldn’t even try to kill him. You were becoming paralyzed by fear for me. Our last fight, I asked if you tried to kill him. You think I didn’t know the truth of why you didn’t? That it was me? I couldn’t get you out, and you wouldn’t take any chances because of me.”

“So that was all a lie but is this the truth? I’m supposed to believe you now?” I shoved at his chest and then, when he backed up, swung at him, pummeling his chest.

“Yes. Because you know it’s true. Your wolf knows it’s true or it’d be ripping my throat out right now instead of lying there with its head on its paws.”

My arms grew tired of hitting him, so I crossed them in front of me, trying to keep it together long enough to get him out. I wasn’t going to cry in front of him.

“When I told Varic why I was renouncing you, I said that you wouldn’t be able to bear my children. You know that was a lie. I was terrified of getting you pregnant. I pulled out every time we had sex.”

My breathing stuttered as I met his stare. He looked like he was barely restraining himself to give me space.

“I’m sorry I had to do it, but I don’t regret it. You wouldn’t have left. You’ve bartered your life away for me before. You thinkI’d let you rot there to protect me if there wasanythingI could do about it?”

“What about that girl you left with after dinner?” I asked, afraid to believe him, even when what he was saying made sense.

“I shoved her away the second we were out of the dining room. Think about it—I was in your room less than an hour later.”

I shook as I tried to hold back tears. His arms were around me again, as if my tears were his breaking point. I wrapped my arms and legs around him, and he crushed me to him.

“You do that again and I’ll kill you,” I said.

“I don’t think I’d survive it anyway.”

My wolf was beside us, whimpering as if it too wanted Kicks’ attention. I didn’t know what my wolf truly was, but it seemed to love Kicks as much as I did.

“When did the wolf start showing up?” he asked.

“Long story.”

We were lying on the couch, naked limbs intertwined. All I wanted was to get out of this place, run hard and fast. Yet I was afraid as soon as we set off, I’d regret it. I’d been vulnerable so many times in my life, and only survived because of others helping me. Now that I was the strong one, could I leave Aunt Elara, Didi, and even settlers like Harold to be tormented by Varic?

“I want to go back. I want to kill Varic before we go.” The words were out, and although they didn’t make me feel better, I still felt like it was the right thing to do.

Feeling the way Kicks tensed, he didn’t agree.

“I don’t want you anywhere near there, and I’m not leaving you alone,” he said.

“You won’t be leaving me alone. I’m going with you.”

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