Page 66 of Shadow of Death

Did she? The way that situation was going, I didn’t know if it was worth hiding anymore. Charon had turned out to be far from the savior I’d hoped.

“What? Like getting dragged to Scotland and then abandoned on enemy ground? Something like that?” I asked.

You’re stuck here because you didn’t perform the way you were supposed to, and you won’t be leaving until I’m ready.Death’s voice echoed in my mind and the air around me seemed to freeze.

I refused to let fear control me, and I’d been getting a lot of training lately. Slowly, I turned to face Death, meeting the strange, dark gaze that I so often avoided. “I killed the person responsible for the death of most of the world. The debt is paid,” I said, keeping my voice steady, though my hands trembled slightly at my sides.

You agreed to kill whoever I wanted, whenever I wanted,Death said.You don’t get to walk away untilIsay so.

“I promised you vengeance and you got it. And I’m telling you it’s enough,” I replied, my voice growing firmer with each word. “I’ve done enough.”

You don’t tell me when it’s enough! You belong to me until I say that debt is paid. Don’t put too much faith in Charon to get you out of our deal.

So it wasn’t just a guess. Sheknew.

I must’ve flinched when she said his name, because she then zeroed in on me with an intensity that was chilling.

You thought I wouldn’t find out?she said.I’m stronger than him. More powerful. Of course I did. He’s no match for me, and if you try to align with him, you will regret it.The shadows around her seemed to thicken, the entire room growing darker.You think Charon will protect you? He’ll turn on you the moment it suits him. You don’t know him like I do.

She was wrong about a couple things. First, he’d already come close to killing me. There was no loyalty there, and I was under no delusion of protection.

Second, did she really think threatening me with regrets was going to sway me? I woke every morning under a mountain of regret. Sometimes it felt so heavy I wasn’t sure how I’d get out of bed. But living life, making decisions, was to court regrets. I was beginning to think a successful life wasn’t always making the right choices, but maybe making just enough good ones, and from the right place, that in the end I’d break even.

You want to get out of here alive with Kicks, you do whatIsay,she said, and then she vanished.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

We walkedinto the bedroom after dinner. I knew it was time to talk to Kicks, but it was the absolutely last thing I wanted to do.

The second he shut the door, he said, “What?”

So much for stalling. His eyes narrowed with the kind of intent that told me he already sensed something was wrong. He always seemed to know when I had something unpleasant to tell him. It was almost easier that he was pushing the subject, as I’d been formulating ways to stall.

“Varic wants me to go with him to visit a nearby pack,” I said, trying to speak with an air of nonchalance even though it felt like a noose was tightening around me.

Kicks’ jaw clenched. “Why?”

“Nothing good, I’m sure,” I said. I wasn’t sure Varic had been born with a good-hearted instinct in his body. “But I agreed. I need to start earning his trust, or at least lessening his distrust so we can get out of this place.”

Kicks shook his head, his body going tense. “I don’t like it.”

“Neither do I,” I said, taking a step closer to him. “But the more comfortable he gets with me, the more freedom we’ll have. We need that to get out of here.”

“Why does he think you might be willing to help him?”

I glanced down for a second before forcing myself to meet his eyes. It wasn’t like I hadn’t planned on telling him this part, but saying the words was turning out to be more difficult than I’d imagined. I wasn’t betraying him, yet I couldn’t get the words out.

A low rumble came from his chest. He already knew.

He walked to the foot of the bed, resting both hands on the footboard as he tried to get his temper under control.

I watched, giving him time to calm down before I said anything, not even sure what I could say to fix this.

He looked at me. “You think you’re just going to be able to flirt with him? Bat your eyelashes? Screw with him and when you push him too far, just say no and he’s going to walk away?” His voice was like he’d been chugging gravel.

“I’m doing what I have to in order for us to survive. I’m just trying to plant the seed that I’m open so we can get a little breathing room. We need him to let his guard down.” He made it sound so bad, and yet this was the only way I saw out of here. He might not like it, but I was right.

“You do that and you undermine my claim on you. That claim is theonlything keeping him in line. You don’t understand pack dynamics.”

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