Page 11 of Shadow of Death

Since there’d be no more sleep tonight, I might as well get up and spread the good news. As much as I’d dreaded Death giving me my marching orders, I dreaded telling Kicks even more.

At least he’d probably be alone at this time. Or I hoped he would be.

I slipped a robe over my pajamas and donned a pair of boots and then crept through the house. Charlie was sound asleep. Even if he woke, he wouldn’t be worried. He ran around the pack territory like the entire place was his backyard. He’d never looked so at home anywhere, not even back in New York, where he’d been born.

I walked through the pack, seeing people still out and about but winding down for the night. A spring breeze was blowingthrough the trees. I’d miss the smell of this place and the constant sound of the river in the background. The sound of the crickets chirping. How the moon looked over the tree line. There wasn’t a thing about this place I didn’t love, and I was leaving it.

I was at the mill too fast, hesitating right inside the door. I couldn’t stand still for too long, knowing he’d already have heard me. I shook off the nerves, heading toward the room in the back, where Kicks now slept.

The door opened steps before I reached it. Kicks appeared in the opening, sweats hanging so low on his hips that I could see the V of his lower abdomen. He rested an arm on the doorframe, over his head. Sometimes when he watched me like this, it was as if he were holding back from pouncing on me, taking me down to the ground and covering me with his body.

The darkness in me pulsed in response, one of the only things keeping me from giving in to my own base desires. I wanted him so badly sometimes it was hard to keep my thoughts straight or care where this might lead.

His gaze locked to mine. “What’s wrong?”

He didn’t have to be a good read of people to know I was upset about something. One, it was an hour past my bedtime. Two, and more importantly, I didn’t come here unless there was a problem. I was afraid to come here at night and be alone with him, and not because of whathemight do. There was a safety in having an audience that would keep me from doing something I’d regret.

“We need to talk.” I glanced back toward the door, afraid someone would come walking in. Orhopingsomeone would.

“Come in.” He tilted his head toward the interior of his room, the one he’d taken after I made it clear I wasn’t comfortable living with him. He could’ve taken up a nicer residence, but I had a feeling he liked this old building made out of stone.

I passed him, walking so close that my robe brushed his chest and his woodsy, warm scent filled my senses.

The room was small, the bed taking up nearly half the space. He shut the door and it felt even smaller. I didn’t want to sit on the bed, but standing in the only floor area left put me too close to him.

“I wanted to let you know the time’s come. Death’s finally called in her debt. I have to go.” The only benefit to our current proximity was that it made it easier to spit out my situation.

“Then it’s time to go,” he said calmly. He leaned against the dresser, crossing his arms.

It wasn’t what I’d expected of him. Not even in the same ballpark of the reaction I’d anticipated. I’d imagined this moment so many times in my head, and it had never played out like this.

I hadn’t wanted to fight with him over my leaving, but part of me had wanted him to fight alittleover my leaving. It felt like some of the humanity I was trying so hard to hang on to was getting shredded at his nonchalance. It was better, but…

Nobuts. It was better. I knew it was.

“Yeah, so I need to make arrangements to leave.”

“Where are we going?” he asked.

We? The word jarred me out of my thoughts. So that’s why he was so calm? He was planning on coming, whether Death wanted him there or not.

“It’s not a ‘we’ situation. You’re needed here,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady, even though I felt anything but. It was hard enough to walk away from him and Charlie without having to fight him to do it.

His eyes narrowed, heat flaring. “This place can run with or without me. Evangeline and Crackers can take up the helm here, and have done it before. I’m needed withyou.”

The last time he’d come with me, he barely made it out alive. He should be dead. Being with me, especially for this, was a danger I wasn’t exposing him to again.

“What about the intruders the other day? What if they come back?” I asked, grabbing the easiest excuse I could think of.

He scoffed. “After what you did? They won’t be back for a long time. And even if you hadn’t done that, Crackers and Evangeline would’ve taken care of them fast enough.”

“What about Charlie? You want us both to leave him?”

His expression softened. “He has the entirety of this pack watching out for him. He looks at Rastin and Buddie like they’re his uncles. Charlie doesn’t need me when he has hundreds of people here watching after him. You need me. I won’t let you go alone.”

He was right—part of me knew that—but I couldn’t drag him into the nightmare that awaited.

“She doesn’t want you to come,” I said, trying to lie better than I’d ever been able to inmylife, becausehislife might depend upon it. I’d come to terms with the fact that I may never return, that I’d die doing her bidding. I’d never be able to accept that fate for Kicks. Not him. Even the thought made me cold inside.

---