Page 119 of Daddy's Naughty List

And he did. He knew it to the very bottom of his soul.

So, he told his brothers everything. He told them about Vegas, and that Bliss had shared that Nori was his daughter. He told them what he’d said to her that made her keep that from him as long as she had.

He told them the fears that ate at him every second of every day about turning into his dad. Everything.

“You know, to be as good as you are at figuring out what makes other people tick, you sure don’t know shit about yourself.” Deke shook his head. “There’s no way you’ll ever be like your dad. You’ve been through a hell of a lot in your life. Have you ever been tempted to use alcohol to dull the pain or quiet the voices in your head?”

No, he hadn’t. How had it not occurred to him that he wasn’t holding temptation at bay because there was no temptation?

“Look at what you just did,” Law added. “You thought about getting wasted. I could see it written all over your face. But you didn’t. You chose not to be like that worthless sack of shit who sired you. If you can do that at a time like this, what makes you think you can’t do it when it comes to your kids?”

Well, fuck. Connor grabbed his chest as the manacles around his heart shattered and fell away. He felt it like a knife, but afterward a peace he’d never felt before settled inside him.

He could choose to be a good father, just like he made every other choice in his life. He’d make mistakes. Plenty of them. But he would never, not ever, be like his father.

He needed to get back to Bliss. But one look at the time had him rethinking. He’d been at Deep Dive longer than he’d thought. If he went out there now, he might wake the babies up and they’d already been through that once tonight.

Tomorrow, first thing, he’d head out to Bliss’s house and they’d get everything talked out.

Chapter Nine

Bliss

“Why can’t you just clean yourself?” Bliss stared at the clutter around the room and did her best not to cry. Again. It hadn’t been that long since she’d finally been about to stop.

She’d waited, hoping Connor would come back. He hadn’t. Of course he hadn’t. It had been stupid of her to think he might. Hope could be a terrible thing sometimes.

Today was no different than any other day. Connor hadn’t been a part of her life yesterday. Only now she knew he wouldn’t be a part of her tomorrows, either.

Busy. She needed to stay busy.

How had she let her house… well, Winnie’s house… get so out of hand? She’d never been accused of being a neat freak, but at least she hadn’t had dirty dishes stacked shoulder-high in the sink as well as scattered all over the house. She swore the baby paraphernalia multiplied every night while she slept. Three babies came with lots of stuff.

Weekends were supposed to be for fun. She wanted to take the girls to the park and find a Christmas tree now that she had her car back. And presents. Her children’s lives were going to be so much different, so much better, than hers had been.

They were going to know they were loved and wanted. And they were going to have tons of gifts at Christmas and on their birthdays. And Easter baskets and Halloween costumes with lots of candy. So far, all she’d managed was paper snowflakes she’d cut out herself taped to the windows.

A tug on the leg of her pants had Bliss looking down. Sophie, doing her best to pull herself to standing by clinging to the leg of Bliss’s pajamas, knelt at her feet. Sadie sat to her left and babbled beautiful baby talk, her chin shiny with drool from teething. She glanced at Nori to make sure she was still asleep on her blanket and became mesmerized by the way her lips suckled in her sleep. What had she ever done to deserve three such treasures?

Frustrated, Sophie plopped on her bottom and began to cry. “Don’t cry, sweet baby. You’ll get it.” Lifting Sophie to sit on her hip, Bliss showered her with kisses and raspberries. “Who’s Mommy’s big girl?”

Sadie had opinions already and rightfully claimed the title, though Sophie was catching up fast. Bliss sat down and let Sophie hold her fingers to practice standing. As soon as shedid, Sadie crawled the distance from the end of the sofa to join her sister, pulling up on Bliss’s arm on unsteady feet.

“I can’t believe you’re almost walking. You are both such big girls! You have to stop. It’s too fast!” Bliss mentally added child-safety latches for the cabinets to her list of things to buy on Monday, along with some kind of baby gate to go around the Christmas tree she was going to get soon. Calculating everything she needed to buy for the girls, she grimaced. It looked like another two weeks of instant ramen noodles for her. But as long as her girls were clothed and fed, she’d be fine. “We may have to wait on the tree until the next paycheck, my darlings. Safety always comes first.”

And just like that, visions of Connor filled her head. Storming up to her car, all angry and concerned… muscles rippling as he changed her tire. The tender way he’d held her in his lap when she’d almost fainted.

It would have been nice if he’d stayed last night, but he was a busy guy. She wouldn’t allow herself another second of dreaming what life would have been like with Connor as her Daddy.

Perfect… her life would have been perfect.

She shut her thoughts down, and after checking on Nori once more, she focused on getting the twins ready for their naps. A small snack, two sippy cups, two changed diapers, one mini-meltdown, and two lullabies later, the twins were fast asleep.

Bliss closed the door to the bedroom they all shared just in time to hear Nori waking from her nap. Bliss picked her younger daughter up and rocked her back and forth, showering her with kisses and whispers of love. Then it was another round of changing, feeding, loving, and rocking Nori.

Nori gurgled in contentment through it all, watching the world through her golden eyes. Guilt stabbed Bliss right in the heart. She’d have to be father and mother to her girls. She wouldn’t be the first woman to do it, and if those others could, so could she. Connor didn’t want children, she’d known that. But keeping Nori a secret hadn’t been right. Mission accomplished. Now he knew. He just didn’t care.

“Mommy needs to put on her big-girl panties.”

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