Connor blanked his face. “Should you tell me what?”
Argh! She was going to start putting tape over her mouth so she couldn’t blurt out her thoughts.
“Nothing.” Her voice came out three octaves higher. “Would, um, would you mind if I borrow your phone?”
Oh boy. The tiger eyes were back, brighter than ever. And the way he rubbed his thumb over the palm of his other hand had those Vegas butterfly piranhas back and in a frenzy. Still, a part of her wondered what would happen if he couldn’t bank the fire billowing in his eyes. She was tingling again, too, but lower than her tummy this time. Much, much lower.
“Where is your phone, Belissa Jayne?”
The growl in his voice was doing nothing to ease her tingling lady bits. No wonder people feared she wouldn’t handle being a mother. She must be certifiably insane. “It’s in the car.” There. She didn’t even have to lie.
“If your phone is in your car, why do you need to borrow mine?”
Darn it. She might as well get the confession over with. So, he’d be unhappy. After all, what could he do? She decided not to think about that.
“The battery on my phone is dead.”
Her words were met with absolute silence. She was not relieved.
She should have reached out to Winnie about her tires, then she wouldn’t be in this predicament. But it was important everyone saw her as a grownup, including, no, especially, her sister.
A pang of longing whooshed through her. She wouldn’t have to be a grownup if she had a Daddy. A Daddy like Connor would make sure her tires were safe and spank her bottom if she forgot to charge her phone. A Daddy would know how much she loved being a mother but make sure she knew she was his Little girl, too.
Winnie had enough on her plate with her new business and her bear of a puppy. Bliss needed to be able to do everything by herself. Independent mothers of three could make it on their own. But all she ever managed to do was prove the opposite.
Connor was right. Her forgetfulness and pride had put her children’s safety at risk. How selfish could she be? The best thing for her children would be for her to let someone else raise them. Her heart stuttered at the thought. They were her whole world. She was doing the best she could, but maybe that wasn’t enough. Her body rebelled at the thought.
All of Ivy’s questions before shone in a whole new light. Did Ivy think she was a bad mother, too?
“Bliss? Babygirl, are you all right? What’s wrong?” Concern filled Connor’s voice, though it came from far away. It was nice, but how did he make his voice echo like that? All of a sudden, her head felt funny.
“I’m fine. Is it hot out here to you?” Heat washed over her, coating her skin, and yet inside, she was freezing. Her body started to shake, and she feared she was about to fall.
“Bliss? Say something, babygirl. Daddy needs you to use your words. Can you do that?”
Connor lifted her off her feet as if she weighed nothing. Greyed darkness slowly swallowed her field of vision. He jostled her as a car door creaked. Then she sat, cradled in his lap. His fingers ran along her face, and he called her name over and over.
She should answer, but her mouth wouldn’t cooperate. It was like her brain was lost in a fog. Still, she loved the way he said her name. Step by halting step, his voice burned away the fog, and the darkness clouding her vision faded.
“Feel better?” Connor’s gentle voice soothed her.
He turned her to face him and brushed the stray hair from her face. He had her long hair fisted, held off her neck, and out of the way. He was such a Daddy. Just not hers.
Maybe he would be if not for Nori and the twins. Guilt smashed through her with the force of a sledgehammer. He didn’t even know Nori was his. Yet another responsibility she’d shirked. He’d said he never, ever wanted children. Now he had a daughter, and it was all her fault.
They’d insisted she get a new implant at the Darling compound. They’d done the procedure right before everything had fallen apart, and they’d sold her to the Russian. Since all they’d done was replace the one she’d already had, she’d thought she was protected. No one had told her she might get pregnant until it was in her system.
Now she had a secret she didn’t know what to do with. Would Connor want to know? Could her heart take it if he didn’t care? What if he was mad at her? She was new to Darling, and he’d been here forever. Would everyone hate her? Would Winnie?
And that was it. She covered her face with her hands and burst into tears.
His strong, warm arms enveloped her and pulled her tighter against his hard, broad chest. It should have given her just as much comfort and security as it had all those months ago. But now she had a secret.
She wriggled against his hold, but he wouldn’t let her go. Being in his arms was thrilling and so very dangerous. She couldn’t get used to having his arms around her. Once he understood everything, he would never touch her again.
Just one more minute. She’d soak this feeling up and store it away for the future when she’d be alone again to love, cherish, feed, and protect three babies.
She pressed her cheek against him, still sniffling. The steadiness of his heartbeat warmed her. A lifetime of this would have been wonderful.