Page 47 of Essence of his Soul

Kelly didn’t even flinch. “I’m not sure who Malcolm is, but I’m assuming he’s a guy she’s been seeing who adores her.” She leaned forward, her eyes locking onto mine with that deadly serious look she got when dropping truth bombs. “So yeah. If you don’t get your act together and figure this out, that’s exactly what you’re gonna have to do. Mama told me about your failed attempts to get her to marry you.”

Of course, My mother had spilled the tea.

“Essence wants love, Mark. Real love. Not just some duty-bound promise because you’re trying to play Captain Save-a-Family.”

Her words hit me like a gut punch. “So what? I’m supposed to just… what? Throw everything I’ve been offering her out the window and start acting like some lovesick fool?”

Kelly let out a bitter laugh as if I was missing the obvious.

“That’s your problem right there,” she said, pointing an accusatory finger at me. “You think love makes you weak or that it makes you a fool. But guess what? Love’s the best thing you could ever offer her, and it’s the one thing you’ve been holding back.”

I stared at her, feeling like an idiot, as her words sank in. I’d been so focused on being the man who could provide, protect, and keep everything steady. But love? I’d kept that locked up tight, too scared to let it out—not just with Essence, but with anyone.

“She doesn’t want you because you’re Tyler’s dad,” Kelly continued, her tone softening as she tried to get through to me.“She wants you for you. But only if you’re willing to be real with her. No games, no hiding behind what you think you’re supposed to be. If you can’t do that, then yeah, Malcolm’s will swoop in and give her everything she needs.”

The thought of Essence with Malcolm made my stomach twist like I’d swallowed broken glass. I ran a hand over my face, the frustration giving way to something deeper. Fear maybe? “What if I don’t know how Kel? What if I don’t know how to love her the way she needs?”

Kelly stood up, walking over to me, touching my shoulder. “You do, Mark. You’ve always known. You’re just too damn scared to admit it. But you'll lose her if you don’t hurry up and figure it out. And this time, it’ll be for good.”

I looked down at her, the seriousness in her eyes hitting me hard. She was right. Essence wasn’t going to wait around forever. She deserved more; if I couldn’t give it to her, someone else would.

But the thought of her with anyone else—especially Malcolm—lit a fire under me that burned hotter than anything I’d ever felt. I wasn’t about to let that happen. I couldn’t. “I’ve got to figure this out,” I muttered, more to myself than to Kelly.

She gave me a small, knowing smile, a mix of sympathy and encouragement. “You do that. Essence is worth the fight, but only if you’re willing to fight for the right reasons.”

I nodded, feeling the determination settling in my chest like a heavyweight. I was going to fight for her—for us. But this time, I was going to do it right.

Chapter 12

The following week, we fell into a routine that threw me off balance. Like clockwork, Mark showed up early enough every morning to share a cup of coffee with me. And when I got home from work, there was always something delicious simmering on the stove. We’d eat together, talking and laughing like we were a family. It filled me with a dangerous kind of happiness. This kind made me forget for a moment that our situation was anything but simple. But then, just as Tyler drifted off to sleep after his bedtime story, Mark rose, threw a casual “see ya” over his shoulder, and left. And I’d be left feeling a mix of frustration and disappointment that I couldn’t quite shake.

It was hard being around him, harder than I wanted to admit. Every night, after the door closed behind him, I’d be mad—at him, myself, and this complicated mess. Part of me wanted him to stay a little longer, even though I knew that could only lead to trouble. But how could I help it? Every time he was near, desire blazed through me, setting every nerve on edge. When he was within arm’s reach, I felt my insides twist and pull, and it didn’t matter how cold it was outside—the air between us was electric. I tried to play it cool and act like I didn’t feel anything, but the truth was, when Mark left and I was alone, I felt nothing but the raw ache of wanting him. He didn’t even have to touch me anymore. Just seeing him was enough to set my body on fire. A simple brush against me in passing was like a spark, igniting something deep inside that I couldn’t ignore. I’d tried to avoid situations where he could take advantage, but now, I found myself looking for excuses to be close to him. The nights were the worst. I’d lie in bed, dreaming of being wrapped up in hisarms, feeling his warmth inside me, and it was driving me to the edge. I even tried to distract myself. Tyler and I had dinner with Malcolm on Tuesday, and we kissed at the end of the evening. But it was like trying to get full on a side dish when I craved the main course. Kissing Malcolm was nothing compared to what I felt when Mark was near. I didn’t want just any man. Only Mark would do. The emotional roller coaster I was on was exhausting.

By Thursday, I couldn’t take it anymore, so I called Tamara. Talking to my sister was both a relief and a mistake. I spilled every tangled-up feeling I’d been wrestling with when it came to Mark. I wasn’t sure why I did it, maybe because I wanted her advice, or maybe I just needed to hear someone else’s voice of reason. But Tamara wasn’t exactly the sympathetic type. In fact, she thought the whole thing was downright amusing.

“Sis, I told you what you needed to do,” she said, laughing like it was a big joke.

“I’m not sleeping with him,” I muttered, trying to shut her down before she went any further.

“Well, you should,” Tamara shot back, her tone playful but dead serious. “That man wants you, and let’s be real—you want him too, even if you’re too stubborn to admit it.”

When I didn’t respond, she pressed on.

“Listen, Sis, the only way you’ll figure out how you really feel about him is if you give him some. I guarantee it’ll clear things right up.”

I snorted. Leave it to Tamara to think sex is the answer to everything. Sometimes, I wondered how her husband put up with her.

“Just give it a chance before that thing shrivels like a freeze-dried prune.”

And with that, she hung up before I told her to mind her business.

* * *

The dream started out like it always did for me—slow and seductive. I was in bed with Essence, mouth to mouth, naked body joined to naked body. Her legs were wrapped around my waist. Her ankles locked behind my back. I was buried deep inside her...lost in her heat. My hand moved from the curve of her hip up to caress the soft swell of her breasts, bouncing in my hand with each thrust of my hips. My stomach tightened as I listened to her moan with satisfaction and felt her nipple harden beneath my fingers. I was pumping inside her in a smooth, steady rhythm that started out harder, then grew faster. I leaned in to kiss her jaw and then her lips, and she rocked her hips, meeting my thrusts, which were now pumping fiercely, almost out of control. Essence broke away from the kiss, panting and gasping for air. She exploded with her back arched, a broken sob, and my name piercing from her throat. I gave her a few moments to ride that orgasm before I spread her thighs apart, giving me a deeper angle, and then pounded into her. My breathing became heavy and raggedy, and then a growl rose from my throat, and release rocketed through me. Joy became pleasure, and pleasure became a necessity until we were lost in the overwhelming need to belong to each other.

Even while it was happening, I knew it was a dream. The kind you rewound again and again. Tangled in sheets, drenched in sweat, the sweet sound of my release left me aching for more, and then I sat up abruptly in bed.

This isn’t working,I thought. I swung my legs over the side of the bed, moved toward the bathroom, and hopped in the shower. I had never been interested enough in any woman to do more than offer her a quick roll in the sack. Yet, here was a woman who wanted nothing from me while I was the one who wanted more. Hell, I wanted it all. Thoughts of making love to her,reallymaking love to her, made me brick hard, mademe groan with frustration. Only one thing would alleviate my problem, and she was not here.

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