Page 72 of Courting Clemson

He nodded.

“Do you remember that I kept saying I had a lot going on at the time and didn’t want to date anyone?”

“Yeah, I remember. I guess I didn’t think you meant you already had a boyfriend.”

“I didn’t. That’s not what I meant. And obviously, I realized since then that I should’ve just told you the whole story from the beginning. But the more I fell for you, the harder it got, and—well, I didn’t say anything.”

He said nothing. Just waited for me to spill my guts.

So I did.

“When I met you, I was failing school. I lost my scholarship and was in jeopardy of getting kicked off the swim team. Everything was falling apart because I was lazy and didn’t keep my grades up. The academic review board said that if I got my GPA back up the following semester, they would reinstate my funding, but for the upcoming semester, I was on my own financially. I panicked because I didn’t have that kind of money, and I didn’t want to tell my parents what happened. I did what I had to so I didn’t have to drop out.”

“Okay…” He sighed. “What does that have to do with another guy?”

“I’m getting to that part.” I took a deep breath. I had a really bad feeling he wasn’t going to like the rest of this story.

“I applied for some jobs, and nothing came through. So I looked for other ways to make a lot of money quickly. I ended up creating a profile on a website that hooks up women who needed financial support with men who could provide that in exchange for dating them.”

“An escort service? Jesus Christ, Clemson.”

“No, not an escort service. It’s called sugar dating, and it doesn’t necessarily involve physical intimacy. I met Brian, and he agreed to pay my tuition in exchange for being available to be his date at functions like the one tonight. More than anything, we’ve become friends, and he’s more of a mentor to me than anything else.”

“Do you expect me to believe that? I’m a man, don’t forget. I know what men are like.”

“Well, it’s the truth. I can’t force you to believe me, but that’s the truth. I’ve never slept with him. In fact, this is the first time I’ve been to his house. I told him what was going on with you, and he didn’t want me to go home and be alone all night. He’s a very good person.”

“Oh, joy. I’ll be sure to give him a pat on the back when I see him next time.”

I just stared at the screen. He was hurt, I knew that. But I could only take so much of this type of reaction.

“Look,” I said. “I’m sorry I lied to you about having a team obligation tonight. I’m sorry we ended up at the same place and if I embarrassed you in any way. I care about you so much, and I’m sorry I hurt you. My agreement with Brian is almost over, and I planned on telling you about it when it was. I just wanted to wrap things up before I committed more seriously to you. I didn’t think it was fair.”

All of that came flooding out, and I wasn’t sure I should’ve said any of it. It didn’t seem to be helping my case based on the expression on his face. We sat in silence for what seemed like forever before he finally spoke again.

“That’s a lot to digest.”

I nodded. At that point, the less I said the better.

Finally, I asked the question I was afraid to know the answer to. “Where does this leave us now?”

“I’m not really sure.” He scrubbed his palm down his face, and for the first time, he looked so much older than me. “It’s been a really long night. Plus, I didn’t sleep well last night, and I’m exhausted. How about we talk tomorrow or something?”

“Or something?” I croaked.

“I don’t know, Clemson. I don’t know what you want me to say right now. I can’t just say it’s okay, because it’s not. You’ve been lying to me, dating another man behind my back.”

He held his hand up to stop me when I tried to interrupt.

“It’s just a lot,” he continued. “I think we should take a few days to figure out what we both want.”

“All right. That’s fair.”

We were both quiet but not ready to hang up.

For me, this felt like goodbye. I could only hope it wasn’t, but it was out of my hands now. Whatever happened, I knew I’d brought it upon myself.

Finally, I said, “I guess good night, then. Call me when you’re ready.”

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