Page 63 of Courting Clemson

“Later, after I shower. I don’t want to get it gross,” I explained and went to my room to hang the new dress in my closet. I pulled my phone out of my jeans’ back pocket to send a message to Brian.

Before sending it, I yelled back to Grace, “Was there a card in the box?”

I heard her shuffle through the tissue paper.

“I don’t see one,” she called.

So I sent the message I had composed.

Thank you for the beautiful gown. It’s stunning. Do we have a date?

Sometimes hours passed between messages, but I understood he was busy. It never bothered me because of the expectations established in our agreement.

About thirty-five minutes later, I was back in the books at the kitchen table when my phone vibrated in my pocket. Expecting to see a message from Brian, I was surprised to read it was from Luke.

Hello, beautiful. Check your calendar for the eleventh. I have a company thing I’d love to take you to.

After a quick check of the calendar, I texted him back that I was free and would love to go with him. We had hung out with his friend Liam and his newest girlfriend a few times in the past month, and I really liked her. Hopefully, they would be going too so it wouldn’t be so boring and uncomfortable for me not knowing anyone.

When he responded, he was so excited, but also a bit nervous sounding. If that was a vibe you could get from a text.

Awesome! I was hoping you could join me. One downfall, possibly… It’s a formal event. Do you have a gown? If not, I’d love to take you shopping. Please don’t feel stressed about buying something. I really want to do this for you.

You’re so sweet, but believe it or not, I actually have a few formal things in my closet. We should be good!

Great! We can talk about the details later. I’m about to go into a staff meeting. XO

I smiled while reading his message but got back to my homework. I was nearly done and starving. Practice that morning took a lot out of me, and I felt like I was in recovery mode all day. Just as I was packing up the books and papers I had spread all over the table, I got a message from Brian.

Yes, we do. Next Saturday, 12/11. I may have to send a car for you, not sure on the details yet. Can’t wait to see you in that dress.

Goddammit! What kind of bullshit luck was this? And who do I turn down now? I already knew in my heart who would be going to their event solo, and it broke my heart into tiny pieces. The closer we got, the harder it was becoming to let him down. Plus, I really loved spending time with Luke.

But the bottom line was that I owed Brian. I owed him big time. If it weren’t for him, I’d be living under my parent’s roof, a college dropout, and probably working some shitty part-time job I hated.

He was the one who would get my company on the eleventh.

I waited until the next time I saw Luke to tell him I wouldn’t be able to be his date for his company event. He was as heartbroken as I was, and no matter how many ways I tried to persuade him to let me make it up to him, he wouldn’t drop the sour mood.

We had a quick dinner and spent the rest of the evening snuggling on his ridiculously comfortable sofa.

“I have to be honest with you, Clemson,” he said solemnly during a commercial break of our latest television obsession.

The man was just like me when he found a series he enjoyed. He wanted to hunker down for the next few days and eat while we lounged around and binge one episode after another.

I couldn’t be sure what set me on edge more. The words he’d said or the tone of his voice.

I gave him my full attention by turning toward him as I sat up from the comfortable lounging I had been doing.

“I don’t always feel like a priority to you,” he continued. “And I would like that to change.” He swallowed so hard, the muscles in his neck flexed.

“I-I-I’m sorry you feel that way,” I croaked. My normally deep, assertive voice ran to hide in the corner somewhere as that squeaked past my lips.

I immediately wanted to commit to doing better, to show him how important he was to me, but all the words got stuck in my throat. Like cars trying to merge on a freeway packed with stand-still traffic, everything bottlenecked before coming out of my mouth.

So what did I do instead? Broke down in tears. Something I prided myself on rarely doing. Especially in front of others. I was so embarrassed the way my emotions completely took over the situation, I buried my face in my palms to hide.

A nagging voice in the back of my head reminded me I knew this was coming. No person handles being second best for an infinite amount of time. At least no one worth partnering with, in my experience.

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