Plus, maybe this date tonight would be a complete disaster, and I’d change my mind about the whole thing. Then I would’ve blown my chances with Luke too, and I didn’t want that to happen either.
Well, no wonder my stomach was in knots. To top it all off, Grace went to her family’s summer house for a week before classes started again. Her parents had been bugging her to spend some time there before she got too busy with school, so she gave in and headed north somewhere. I’d been too wrapped up in my own bullshit to really pay attention to the exact location.
So, I didn’t have anyone to calm me down like she normally would have while I got ready. My friend had a way of taking my mind off whatever was troubling me by cleverly talking about meaningless things or telling funny stories from her high school days in her small hometown. Before I knew it, I’d be laughing so hard, I’d be in tears.
Feeling calmer, I slid into my car and headed into Hillcrest. This was a fun part of the city that had tons of great restaurants and a very lively nightlife. Parts of the surrounding neighborhood had changed a lot from when I was a kid when we would come to San Diego for abbreviated getaways. I remembered going to that part of town with my parents one time, and my dad got so uncomfortable, we all loaded back in the car and went back to our hotel near the beach. I never understood what the problem was, but the memory was stuck in my head.
The restaurant was easy to find, and I circled the block a couple of times trying to find parking. Finally, I spotted a car pulling away from the curb, so I flipped on my signal and waited for them to leave. With a few maneuvers, I was in the spot and grabbing my handbag off the passenger’s seat.
I walked into the small place with a few minutes to spare. My anxiety tried its very best to get me going again. Normally, I liked to be ahead of schedule so I had time to get acclimated to a new place and calm down a bit, but I spotted Brian immediately. I recognized the handsome man from photos he’d sent.
He was on his feet the moment he saw me. A warm, seemingly satisfied smile spread across his lips, and I couldn’t help but notice he was even more handsome when he beamed like that.
With a quick wave to let him know I recognized him, I started toward him where he sat by the bar. The lightweight fabric of my dress swished away from my legs as I strode in his direction, giving him a long look.
And he definitely took the opportunity to check me out. I felt like a million dollars by the time I reached him. His look had morphed a bit to a hungrier assessment, and I was okay with it. After all, part of what he wanted out of our relationship was someone he could take out to various functions, both personal and professional. Someone he would feel proud to be seen with. Judging by the embrace he gave me when I reached him, he was happy for anyone in the place to know we were there together.
“My God, I didn’t think it was possible,” he said, still holding my hand in his and leaning back to put space between us. “But you are even more beautiful in person.”
“Thank you,” I said softly and held his gaze. “I hope you haven’t been waiting long.”
“No, not at all. I just ordered a drink while we wait for our table. Can I get you something?”
Smiling, I said, “A glass of wine would be lovely. I’m not picky on the type as long as it’s white, please.”
We enjoyed our cocktails and small talk until the hostess soon found us where we were sitting and showed us to our table. We had a quiet spot, way in the back of the restaurant, and Brian seemed pleased with the location. I thought he must’ve requested something secluded, because he muttered something to the hostess after pushing in my chair for me.
After more small talk, mostly about what looked good on the menu, Brian ordered our dinner. When we were alone again, he finally asked the big question.
“So, can I ask what you’re looking for from an arrangement? I like to be upfront with expectations so we know going in if they are things we are comfortable with…and capable of.”
I appreciated his direct approach, and he was gentle with his wording, so I remained at ease.
“Thank you for bringing it up. The short version of a long story is I’m a student, as you already know. I had a scholarship for swimming, but I let my grades slide last semester, so they suspended the funding.”
I frowned after admitting that, and for the first time in a while, felt a wave of embarrassment hit me. It was hard to meet his attentive stare again until he spoke.
“Okay. Thank you for being honest. So you need money for school, and that’s it?” he asked while cutting into his chicken. He took the liberty of ordering the same thing for both of us, and it was the most tender chicken I’d ever eaten.
“Yes, at a minimum. If other living expenses are possible, I’d be over the moon. If not, I’ll figure that part out on my own. But I can’t come up with the lump sum for classes right now, and I don’t want to drop out or even take a semester off.”
“Can I ask where that puts you with the team? Are you benched?” He laughed. “Or whatever the term is in your sport?”
I nodded and carefully set my fork down. “Currently, I can’t compete until I raise my GPA. Once that happens, I’ll be back on the roster. We are off-season right now, so it’s not as bad as it could be. But we do practice year-round in one capacity or another. Those are still mandatory if I want to keep my spot on the team.”
“How committed are you to that?” he asked thoughtfully.
From our short time together, I couldn’t help but recognize the difference in the conversation we were having versus the type of conversation I’d be having with a guy my own age. Or even Luke. This was more like a business negotiation.
I cocked my head to the side a bit while thinking over his question. Wasn’t it obvious how committed I was?
Immediately, he recognized my confusion and said, “What I’m asking is, is remaining on the team something you really want?”
“Yes, swimming has been a huge part of my life for as long as I can remember. Really, it’s been everything. I can’t imagine not competing.”
“What will you do once you graduate? There has to be more to who you are than the team.”
This comment was the first time I felt the age difference between us. He sounded like a father figure, and I quickly blocked the thought from expanding any further in my imagination.