Page 64 of Saving Shepperd

“She’s a good person. Funny and smart. She’s the kind of girl that usually has hordes of friends,” I said in my girlfriend’s defense.

“Well, not when she pushes everyone away. Either because she’s embarrassed about what she’s dealing with or she’s scared someone will figure her out and insist she do better for herself.”

“Do you really think that’s what’s going on?”

He gave one solid dip of his chin. “I do.”

“Why did they freeze like that? When everyone else was getting out of harm’s way, they froze. I don’t understand.”

“Our therapist has explained it like this… When a child experiences trauma, especially deep emotional or physical trauma, they freeze in time emotionally. They mature physically and intellectually, but emotionally they stay rooted at the age the traumatic event occurred. So, the girls never developed coping skills past a young age. I’m not sure what Shepperd went through exactly, but I do know about Hannah’s experiences. For the most part.”

“The most part?” I asked.

“Yeah, just being real, man. And not because I think she’s keeping anything from me. She just hasn’t been able to get her brain to let down its guard to remember what happened. I’m kind of surprised it still hasn’t happened after everything else she’s been through.”

“You’re talking about the kidnapping attempt?”

“Well, yes and no. I think that’s where she got stuck emotionally, but based on some dream regression therapy she’s done, we’re pretty sure something else happened. We just haven’t unlocked what that was yet.”

Of course I had some potential backstory here but didn’t feel like it was my place to expose the fact that Shepperd suspected the same school janitor who abused her also abused Hannah.

“Wow. That’s intense. But so much of what you’re saying makes sense. I mean with the way Shep behaves in situations. And don’t get me started on the sleep habits. Oh my God, I’ve never seen someone exist on so few hours of sleep.”

Elijah laughed. “Dude, I remember those days all too well. Thankfully, she worked hard on that problem early on. Now that the baby is here, she’s back to very little sleep and not liking it one bit.”

His face changed completely when he spoke about having a child, and I knew then—if I were at all uncertain before—getting my girl squared away was the most important thing in our lives now. She deserved a happy, healthy, fulfilling life, and I wanted to be right in the center of all of it.

I had one more comment floating around in front of my other thoughts, and this was the guy who would understand best. “Can I ask you one more thing? I’ve probably taken up more of your time than you can afford, so if you have to go, I get it.” At least he had an out if he was done talking about the Farsay girls.

Elijah waved his hand between us. “Yeah, go for it.”

“What’s up with the parents? How the hell do they not see what’s going on? Or do they just not care?” That sounded harsher coming out than it did in my head. I winced apologetically, but he didn’t seem to be bothered by the questions.

“You know, I’m not really sure. On the surface, they seem like good people. Good parents, you know?” Then, with a forced laugh he said, “Though my own were such shit, what do I know?”

I didn’t think I wanted to touch that comment with a ten-foot pole. Luckily he went on.

“They seem to clue in on the things that other people might notice. But then they don’t want to ask themselves why the shit is happening. It’s also possible they’re just not capable of asking themselves why these things are happening to their kids. Does that make sense?”

“It does because I can apply that directly to Shepperd. They can see she’s starving herself but aren’t asking themselves why. What happened to her that she’s choosing to do that to herself.”

“Exactly,” he agreed. “I’m not sure if they are more worried about appearances or just don’t have the tools to dig deeper.”

I thought about that for a couple of minutes and concluded I just didn’t know the people well enough to have a solid answer. We both finished our coffees and stood to leave. I was glad we had this conversation. Whether it gave me a better direction regarding handling my home life, I wasn’t sure. So much of where we went from here would depend on Shepperd.

When I got home, Shepperd was awake. I realized I was hoping she would still be sleeping when I felt like I was sneaking through the house trying to be quiet as a mouse. If she was still sleeping, I wouldn’t have to explain where I’d been, but I wasn’t that lucky.

Her go-to inclination was to doubt those around her, and I just set myself up to be lumped into that camp. The sooner I came clean, the less damage I’d do. I knew all this, but instead of having the conversation we needed to have, I ran off to the shower the second I could get out of the chit-chat she tried to initiate.

I did some deep soul-searching while the hot water pelted my skin. Was building a life with this woman worth the obvious hard work ahead? My head and heart agreed… Absolutely.

With that established, I had to give myself a hearty pep talk about telling her about meeting with her brother-in-law. The trickiest detail would be making my intentions clear. I wasn’t trying to sneak around behind her back or betray her in any way. I was hoping to understand what she was going through, what she dealt with on a daily basis. I just had to be honest with her about my motives and feelings and hope she understood and believed me.

I put on some fresh clothes, dealt with my hair, and then went to find my girl. My heart was thundering in my ears, and I had to force myself to take some calming breaths so I didn’t look guilty before I even began talking.

Based on our conversation when I first got home, she already suspected I wasn’t being honest with her. It was all over her body language. I just hoped she hadn’t worked herself up even more while I was getting my thoughts together.

“Shep?” I called out when I didn’t find her in the kitchen. Her purse and keys were still on the table by the front door, so she couldn’t have gone too far.

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