Page 10 of Saving Shepperd

How funny. I can’t picture it. Sounds like you all are at different stages of life.

Definitely. I’ll let you sleep, just wanted to say good night.

You’re sweet. Night. XO

XO

Finally, with a dopey smile on my face, I fell asleep to thoughts of Ms. Shepperd Farsay. Even though we didn’t set a solid plan for tomorrow, I was already looking forward to seeing her. Hopefully, after a good night’s sleep, I’d be able to make more sense of these unfamiliar feelings I was having about the girl.

ChapterThree

Shepperd

While I lay in bed waiting for the communal bathroom in my family’s home to be free, I reread the messages from Law for a third time. A strange expression was consuming my entire face, and it wasn’t until there was a quiet knock on my door that I realized I was smiling.

Seriously, what the hell? From reading a handful of text messages from a guy much too slick for my own best interest. When I gave the guy a few minutes of head time, I knew I was falling for him and didn’t like it one bit. It was way too quick and not a place I was comfortable.Caring for someone. That just led to problems and eventual pain. I had way too much baggage to ever get involved with someone long-term, and I knew it.

Shit, all I had to do was reflect on that disaster from the other night at his place. What normal person freaks out the way I did? From being tickled?

I knew the answer, but it wasn’t one I typically cared to share with anyone. First, I wasn’t normal. Second, it wasn’t the tickling that set me off.

I was a girl with a dark secret. Even my family didn’t know the deal. No one did. Okay, not true. One other person did because he was the monster that haunted me in my dreams. Hell, on really bad days, I didn’t even have to be asleep to be tortured by the memories. And even though the worst of it all happened when I was in grade school, the nightmare film reel that played in my mind was as fresh as the latest blockbuster.

It started when I was eight. Maye and I just started third grade, and we were the sweet little blond twins that everyone cooed and gushed over. Our mother still dressed us the same, everywhere we went. Even around the house, our play clothes matched right down to our little fold-over socks. The thing that really amazed all the adults was how much we looked like our two older sisters, too. Clemson, our youngest sister, has a bigger gap in age between us and her, so she always escaped the fascinated stares.

One vile, awful-smelling man at our school took particular interest in the Farsay girls. Later, I found out he started with my oldest sister, Hannah. I never had the courage to ask her how far he took his sick, inappropriate attention with her, but I knew that knowledge was the birthplace of the deep resentment I had for her.

In my mind, if that janitor hadn’t been so interested in her to begin with, he wouldn’t have come for me. Several times while I was pinned beneath the grimy scumbag, he would talk about Hannah with sickening reverence. Like it wasn’t bad enough he was molesting a child, he had to talk about his obsession with my older sister while doing it.

Scars. I had big, incurable, mental and emotional scars from years of abuse by a trusted adult at the school our parents shipped us off to, day in and day out. Like many child predators, he was clever with his threats. I was terrified to tell anyone what was happening, so I retreated inward and became very angry. Now, no one knew why I was so hateful and nasty, but there were hours of horrific details that gave me every right to feel the way I did.

All in all, I was doing damn good for what I was hiding. I had some trust issues, but not with humanity overall. Now, I could spot a creep from a mile away. There was a certain vibe that evil people put off, and my senses were finely tuned to it. Shockingly, many really bad people lived and worked among us every day. You just had to know when to turn and go in the other direction.

The area of my life suffering most was my personal relationships. There were a couple of trusted souls I could confide in, but I knew opening up to someone would just saddle them with a lot of crap they didn’t want in their head. Plus, then there would always be the weight of my abuse hanging in the air between all our interactions, and I didn’t want that either. So I continued to keep my shit exactly that. Mine.

This thing with Law was knocking me off my normal course, though. I couldn’t quite put my finger on what or why, but I’d never let myself be triggered while being intimate with someone like I was the other night. And all we were doing was kissing!

If I could figure out what was so different about the guy, I was sure I could get a handle on the reaction. In the meantime, I tried to feel him out to see if I would need to address what happened at his house or if we’d sweep it under the rug and never mention it again. Of course, that was my preference, but I didn’t know him well enough yet to know if he’d push for more of an explanation or not.

When the knock on my bedroom door was more insistent, I realized I’d been so lost in my thoughts, I’d completely ignored whoever wanted in the first time I’d heard it. Likely my mom, but she normally barged right in after knocking.

“Yeah?” I called out, and the door opened cautiously. Oddly, it was my dad in the doorway, but then I remembered it was the weekend.

“Morning, Shep. Sleep good?”

“Not bad, what’s up?” We didn’t make small talk these days, so his trepidation immediately set me on edge. The majority of people in this house had sleeping problems, so even asking how I slept was ridiculous. He knew damn well how I slept. With one eye open so the nightmares could only get half as bad.

If I hovered in that first stage of sleep, I didn’t wake up screaming and cause panic through the whole house. It happened enough times when I was young that I trained myself to not sleep deeply. The drama after one of those episodes could be worse than the episode itself. Everyone got all beside themselves, and I ended up shutting down because I was consumed by guilt for upsetting everyone.

“Nothing really, just saying hi and seeing what you’re up to today. Got plans?” While he restlessly shifted from foot to foot, my mom joined him just inside the door.

“Not at the moment. I need to get some laundry done, and I’m thinking of rearranging the room now that Maye moved in with the nutty professor,” I replied and did my best to keep emotion out of my answer. The truth was I was devastated when my twin recently moved out. She was the closest friend I had, and I missed her more every day.

“Be kind,” my dad reminded, but I didn’t miss the little grin on his lips at the use of the nickname I’d been exercising since she brought the man around. In my heart, I was happy for her. Over the moon, as a matter of fact.

Maye was the most amazing human on the planet. Her heart was big and generous, and she authentically enjoyed sharing her joy with the people around her. Like our two older sisters, Hannah and Agatha, she fell in love quickly. Though her Prince Charming appeared in the shape of one of the professors at the college we attended.

Maye moved in with him a few weeks ago, and I was left here in the family home to fend for myself. When we were little girls, our mom always told us when you meet the right man, you’ll know it. Personally, I never believed in that nonsense but now that it happened to Maye, I considered maybe I just hadn’t met my Mr. Right yet.

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