Page 73 of Parallel

QUINN

It should only take an hour to get to the lake, but between the weather and the beach traffic, the trip takes twice as long. It would feel long anyway. Now that I’ve made my choice, I’m desperate to see Nick, and every minute I’m stuck behind the wheel seems to occur in slow-motion.

Yes, maybe there’s something evil inside me. And maybe Nick is what will set it free. I’m going to risk it because the reward—him—is too great to miss outon.

Jeff is calling, again and again. I don’t answer, but just before I can turn it off, my mother calls too… and ignoring my mom when she’s upset is never a goodidea.

I answer to find her crying uncontrollably, already drinking though it’s not even noon. My mother isn’t an alcoholic, but when she has a drink or two she flies off the rails. Soon she’ll be buying stuff she doesn’t need off QVC and telling anyone who will listen that she’s heartbroken and her life isn’t worth living. Abby’s been the one monitoring her mood of late, but I’m guessing, thanks to what I’ve done, she won’t be willing to comfort my mom anytimesoon.

I’ve probably just ruined the relationship she has with her best friendandthe man she considers a son.She’ll be completely alone when I’m gone. It’s a thought that brings all my misgivings to the surface. If it were for anything less than Nick, I’d probably have called Jeff and taken it all back bynow.

I tell her I’m coming up there, make her promise to stop drinking, and turn off my phone entirely. She and Jeff are the two people I’ve carried, in one way or another, for most of the last decade. It’s a relief to know that for a brief period of time, I won’t have to carry anyone butmyself.

* * *

The drive is uneventful,despite the weather. It’s only when I reach Nick’s exit that the nerves hit. I have no idea how it will work. From what he’s implied, I doubt he’s allowed to date a patient. Right now, I don’t really care. I’d live quietly in his basement, hidden from sight, if it meant we could be together. But what if he isn’t so willing? I know what he said yesterday, but people say all kinds of things in intense moments, before they’ve thought them through. At heart, Nick—like me—is logical. And potentially risking your job for a girl who may not even be around in a year is hardlythat.

I pull into the parking lot of the market where Nick and I met yesterday and walk inside. Behind the counter is the same old guy who teased us about condoms in another life. “Hope you’ve got an umbrella,” he says, glancing from me to the windows outside. The sky has turned ominously dark all of a sudden. “There’s a floodwarning.”

I smile without teeth and head to the bathroom, where I wash my hands just for something to do and look at myself in the mirror. There, I see clearly the girl Nick married at least once, and chose more than once. I think of what Caroline asked yesterday—if the situation were reversed, would I want to be with him in spite of everything? And my answer is the same. Yes, I would. And he wouldtoo.

I walk out the bathroom door, waving to the woman we ordered sandwiches from yesterday, and then come to a shocked, stumbling halt. Up ahead, at the front of the store, is someone I recognize. Not from some past life, but from this one. From the photo in Nick’soffice.

Meg.

It cannot be a coincidence that she’s in a market a mile or two from Nick’s parents’ house. Itcan’tbe.

It takes me a second to move my frozen limbs. I step into an aisle, letting a display of chips block me from her view but not blocking her from mine. She’s even prettier in real life than she was in the photo, and she’s obviously put forth a level of effort I never have. Her hair is curled and her makeup is done. The guy at the counter is asking about her car. I peek into the parking lot, and there, beside my fifteen-year-old clunker with its rusting paint, is a sleek, silverBMW.

“Lot of dirt roads around here,” the guy says. “Gonna be a mess with all this rain. Hope you’ve got a four-wheel drive as abackup.”

Yes, Meg, the roads are bad.Maybe you should gohome.

“It’s okay,” she replies with a too-wide smile. “My boyfriend has aJeep.”

The potato chips rattle as my body sags against the display. Even as my brain scrambles to create any explanation for why she would be here, I already know the most obvious answer is usually the correct one. Nick called her to reconcile after I left, if he ever really broke up with her atall.

I wait until her car pulls away before I walk out of the store. My shoulders are back and my is head up, but I’m made of twigs right now, skeletal and frail, ready to collapse—which I do, the moment I get in the car, leaning my face against the steering wheel and weeping like achild.

Why did it take me so long to leave Jeff? And Nick…did he even wait until I was back on the road yesterday before he called Meg and invited her out here? It takes all my self-control not to turn on the phone and rage at him, blame him for my disappointment, ask him why he said any of those things when he clearly couldn’t have meant them. Mostly I’m just so…blindsided. I wouldn’t fault him at all for deciding I wasn’t worth the risk. But I never thought in a million years he’d change his mind so easily. And maybe if he knew I was here he’d change his mind about her, but if he did, he wouldn’t be the person I know heis.

Or the person I thought he was,anyway.

I’m still crying as I turn my car on and head back to the highway, toward my mother’s house. Time no longer drags for me. I’d like as many minutes as possible between now and the moment I have to stand in front of her defending my decision to leave Jeff—never mentioning that I did it for someone who decided he didn’t want meback.

* * *

When I getup to Rocton, I don’t go straight to my mom’s. It’s not a conscious decision, but when I find myself at the river I’m not surprised. It’s where I came when I was young too, all those times when it seemed like I didn’tbelong.

I park on top of the hill, and go sit on a big rock since the ground is soaked, letting my legs dangle over the edge. This view—the lazy river winding endlessly in both directions—used to be one of my favorite things in the world, but today it doesn’t touch me. I look at it, but all I’m seeing is Meg’s face in the convenience store, vivid with excitement. I understand that feeling. It’s exactly how I felt too, until the moment I saw herthere.

Did he kiss her the way he kissed me on the dock yesterday? Did he tell her all the things he told me? I’m incapable of imagining it. The man I thought I knew just wouldn’t dothis.

I dry my tears and take one last glance at the river. As a child, coming up here reminded me that the world was incomprehensibly large, and in it, somewhere, I was bound to find my place, and the one person who would accept me the way I am. Now it just reminds me that so many of the things I wanted as a child didn’t cometrue.

I drive down to the far side of town, to the neighborhood my mom moved to after we sold the farm. It’s only a few miles away, but it feels like a different world: shiny, hollow, artificial. All the trees are new and all the houses look the exactsame.

God, I don’t want to behere.

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