Page 56 of No One But Us

Things are happening too quickly and yet not quickly enough. We are not like a new couple, tentative and unsure. It’s as if we’ve been like this many times before, so far beyond the point of uncertainty that there is only action without thought. I’m thinking of nothing but the need for more, for the things that come next. He pushes my dress up around my waist, and I tug the top button of his shorts open with a single hand, my fingers sliding beneath the waistband of hisboxers.

And then someone tries to open the door behind me, the knob gouging my spine and sending me flying forward. James somehow manages to catch me and slam the door shut at the same time, but the moment it latches, he jumps away from me with a look of horror on his face that makes me want to cry and throttle himsimultaneously.

“Goddammit,” he hisses. He digs his hands through his hair. “What the fuck is wrong with me? I can’t believe this is happeningagain.”

“You’re being ridiculous,” Iwhisper.

“My dad was right,” he says, sitting on the bed and staring at the floor. “It would have been so much better if you’d never come downhere.”

The last words are quiet, not really intended for me, but I hear them all the same. And they take everything I feel for him and twist it tight in my chest, make it so raw that I want to clutch at it, this phantom pain that hurts more than any injury he could haveinflicted.

I don’t wait for him to apologize, though I imagine he will. I’ve heard enough. Whatever his body says,Jamesdoesn’t want me here. Ginny doesn’t either. And so I amdone.

Chapter 32

JAMES

Elle leaves,and I remain behind in the room, angry at everyone—at her, at that dick out on the porch, and at every other guy she will ever be with. Mostly, though, I am mad at my family. At my mother for the endless fragility that’s had us all walking on eggshells for years. At my father for the chain of events he set in motion by leaving in the firstplace.

If my mother hadn’t gotten sick, I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t have come home. And maybe he shouldn’t have. Maybe my mother would have gotten over it, eventually. Instead, she’s spent the remainder of their marriage wracked by self-doubt. She went away for treatment and came home, still far too thin, and not entirely better. She still stops eating. And we all watch it happen, wondering if she’ll wind up in the hospital again, me blaming my father alittle.

I shake off my reverie. I’ve fucked up with Elle again, and this time I think I really hurt her. I rush to the deck. She’s gone. So is the guy she waswith.

“Did Elle leave with that guy?” I ask Kristy. I try hard to disguise mypanic.

She puts both her hands on hips and glares at me. “What the hell did you say to her, James? She was really upset when she came backoutside.”

“I...fucked up. Where’d shego?”

“I’m pretty sure that, thanks to you, she’s goinghome.”

I sigh in relief. “Okay. I’ll find her there andapologize.”

“No,” says Kristy. “Not the beach house. She’s going back toDC.”

I thought I’d feel relieved if Elle was gone. I realize now, as my stomach turns over, that I couldn’t have been morewrong.

Chapter 33

ELLE

My furious walkhome sobered me up pretty freakingwell.

I have no idea what I will find when I get to DC. I called my mother on the way back from the party and left a voicemail saying I was going back to the townhouse whether it’s free ornot.

No one is at the beach house, so there will be no awkward half-truths to offer in explanation.It’s best this way. I consider the possibility that I will never see James again, and it produces a sharp pain in my chest. I do my best to ignore it. If one thing’s been made abundantly clear this summer, it’s that James Campbell will cause me pain no matter what Ido.

I walk down to the Porsche and am pulling out the suitcase I stored in the trunk just as James swerves into the driveway, blocking myexit.

My teeth grind together as he jumps out of the car. “You’re blocking mein.”

He looks stunned, broken. “Kristy said you’releaving.”

“Yes,” I reply. “Consider your wishgranted.”

My voice breaks as the last words come out, and he closes the distance between us, his hands sliding into my hair, pulling meclose.

“It was the stupidest thing I’ve ever said in my life,” he breathes, forcing me to look at him. “I just didn’t know it until I imagined being here without you. I can’t do it any more. I can’t stay away fromyou.”

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