Page 52 of No One But Us

“Why?” I demand. “Just tell mewhy.”

“Too many reasons. Just trust me, this can never happen. I’ve fucked up so many things. But this tops all ofthem.”

“That’s ridiculous. If we’re attracted to each other and we’re both single, what possible problem could therebe?”

He groans. “God, you’re not helping.” He turns toward me, brushing my hair behind my ear, his hand sliding back around my neck, that same pained look on his face I’ve seen so often, but never this close. “You’ve got to go,” he says. “Before I do anythingelse.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Iargue.

His eyes flicker to my mouth, and his hand tightens in my hair. For a second I feel certain he’s going to kiss me, but instead he releases meentirely.

“Please,” he says. When I don’t move, his eyes narrow, and his tone grows dangerous. “Now.”

My pulse drums quickly for a breathless moment in which I consider defying him, consider bridging the distance, forcing him to see me as an adult no matter how badly he doesn’t want to. My desire and his thicken the air betweenus.

Pushing away and leaving him is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I should be proud of myself, but really I feel nothing butregret.

Chapter 30

JAMES

I wakeup with my head pounding. I swear to God, I spent the whole night dreaming about her. I don’t feel like I’ve even gone to sleep yet. For a moment I lay there, trying to sort it all out, feeling feverish in my attempt to remember every detail, because so much of it still seems real. My pillow even smells a bit like her shampoo, for God’s sake. And then I remember one particular part. The one where she said, “Not when you’re drunk.” And Irealize.

“Fuck,” Igroan.

Fuck, fuck,fuck.

She and Max are sitting at the kitchen table when I leave my room. I feel her watching me but I avoid eye contact with either of them while I try to figure out what the fuck I’m going to do aboutthis.

Max tips his chair back. “You look pretty rough,dude.”

“No shit,” I say, walking past them to the coffee. “How many shots did wedo?”

“I lost count at 15. What happened to you anyway? I look away for one minute and you’regone.”

“That band sucked.” I turn away to pour the coffee, flinching. I really don’t need to hash out the whole night in front ofElle.

“I’ve never seen you drink like that,” Max says. “You were just in a weird mood from the moment we gotthere.”

I can no longer stand the unbelievable awkwardness of doing this with her here. I grab my coffee and stand beside her. “Can I talk to you for a sec?” I ask, my voicestern.

Obviously I can’t blame her for a fucking thing, but we’re all better off if Max thinks I’m about to lectureher.

She doesn’t meet my eyes. “Sure.”

She follows me to the deck with Max crowing something about her being in trouble that we both ignore. I take a chair and stare at the ground, drawing a blank with where to start. An apology would be best, but I don’t even remember what the fuck Idid.

“Last night,” I begin, glancing at her sideways. “Didwe…?”

“Didwe…?”

“Did we sleep together?” I askhoarsely.

Her eyes narrow. “No. And you don’t need to make it sound like you’re asking if we dismembered a body in the woods. If we had, it wouldn’t be the worst thing you’ve everdone.”

“It would be,” I reply. “It would hands-down be the worst thing I’ve everdone.”

She’s out of her chair before I even realize I’ve said something wrong. “You know what?” she asks, her voice raspy, as if she’s going to cry. “Fuckyou.”

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