Page 57 of Drowning Erin

Lee comes over. “Well done! I told you you’d dogreat!”

I barely have the energy to smile. “I’m just glad it’sover.”

“I set up a solar shower for you back behind the tent if you’re interested,” hesays.

I choose to ignore Brendan, who snorts and rolls hiseyes.

“That would be amazing,” I say, following Lee around the corner while Brendanglowers.

I shower and then let Matthew dance around under the spray for a few minutes before wrapping him in a towel and carrying him back to Dorothy, who has clean clothes ready. She looks so healthy it’s almost impossible to believe she’s the same woman I saw in a hospital bed a little over a weekago.

“I was sorry to hear about you and Rob,” she says as I tug the shirt over Matthew’s head. I’m about to awkwardly explain that we aren’t necessarily over, but she continues. “Having said that, I’ve waited forever for you and Brendan to get together, so I can’t say I’m truly sorry ithappened.”

Groan. Matthew reallydidtelleveryone.

“Oh…uh…it’s really not like that. We’re justfriends.”

“Erin,” she says, “the two of you haveneverbeen just friends. I knew he liked you the moment I first saw you together. Just be patient with him. I was so worried, after Gabi, that he’d never tryagain.”

“Dorothy, I appreciate what you’re saying, but things aren’t like that with us. And I’m sure Brendan will try again someday, but I get the feeling that’s still a long way off forhim.”

She laughs. “I know that boy better than he knows himself, so let me tell you something, Erin: he’s already trying.Youmight not know it, andhemight not know it, but he is alreadytrying.”

There’s nothing I can do but pretend to agree, even though I hate giving her false hope. I have to make sure not to give myself anyeither.

* * *

Just after 9 PM,Olivia comes through the finish line in Auburn, taking first among the women. Though I celebrate with her in mid-field, we don’t get a chance to talk until much later, when I sit on the front porch with her back at the house while she nursesCaroline.

“Happy?” Iask.

“So happy,” she replies, gazing at her daughter. “Now, are you out here because you want girl talk, or are you out here because you’re avoiding Brendan? I noticed you hauled ass out of Auburn in the first van with Lee. He was notpleased.”

“I don’t have a lot of willpower around him, Olivia, but I just can’t… It will mess everythingup.”

And it will. It’ll mess up our friendship and open me to a lifetime of wanting something unavailable. Then there’s his friendship with Rob. And things with me and Rob too—how could I ever walk down the aisle toward him and his best man, knowing I’d slept with themboth?

“If I can just manage to avoid him until I fly out tomorrow, I’ll be safe. Thank God we’re leavingseparately.”

“Or,”she says with an evil smile, “maybe you should just sleep with him and get it out of yoursystem.”

I watch her face to see if she’s serious. It appears that she is. “You can’t honestly think that’s a goodidea.”

“You’re so sure you want to marry Rob, yet you’re obviously dying to be with Brendan. Put it to the test. Sleep with Brendan, and if it’s out of your system, problemsolved.”

“What happens if itisn’t?”

“If it isn’t,” she says, “then you had no business getting engaged to Rob in the firstplace.”

I go upstairs with an angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other. There is no realm in which sleeping with Brendan is the logical choice. I just badly, badly don’t want to make the logicalchoice.

As I reach the landing, he is exiting the bathroom, clad only in a towel, with miles of smooth, tan skin over a body that is nothing but muscle. Our eyes lock, and my heart beats hard—like I've had ten espressos, like I've just run a sprint. It's beating so hard I’m unable to think. I only know—the way I would if I were being stalked—that I need to get away, as fast aspossible.

I start toward the bathroom, willing myself not to even look at him. "I'm just goingto—"

"Erin?" His voice is soft and certain, as is the hand that lands on my hip, pulling me towardhim.

And then it isn't merely his hand on me, it's all of him, his mouth against mine, his chest bearing down, his hands reaching behind me, running below my hips, tucking me into him so there isn't a whisper of space between us. I taste the champagne from the celebration earlier on his lips, suck it from his tongue, and he groans, moving me backward toward his room, shutting the door behindus.

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