Page 16 of Drowning Erin

A muscle ticks in Brendan’s jaw, and for a millisecond he seems angry, making me regret every word I just said. I’m sure he’s somehow turning this into one more piece of evidence that Rob should have dumped me longago.

“Never mind.” I sigh, heading for thedoor.

“Erin.” His voice stops me just as my hand reaches the doorknob. “You should figure that out before Rob getsback.”

I shoot him the nastiest look I can muster. “Yes, Brendan, thank you. I’m well aware of all the ways you think I’m not good enough for Rob. I’ll add this to thelist.”

“Who ever said I thought you weren’t good enough for him?” heasks.

“You did, every time you ever tried to talk him out of datingme.”

“Sometimes people just aren’t a good fit,” he says. “It doesn’t mean one of you isn’t goodenough.”

I roll my eyes and reach for the door. “Give me a break, Brendan. You told him he was making a mistake a thousand times. It’s pretty clear why you saidit.”

He starts to argue, but then his jaw snaps shut. “You understand a lot less than you think youdo.”

I open the door and let it slam. I’ve heard enough of Brendan’s bullshit to last me the rest of mylife.

12

Brendan

Four YearsEarlier

It begins with a mosquitobite.

A bite on Erin’s ankle, one she bends over to scratch approximately once a minute, her shorts riding perilously high as she does it. There isn’t a tour leader or male client in this room who hasn’t noticed. If Mike were a better manager, he’d realize how unproductive this is and stop her. He doesn’t say a word, of course. Probably because he’s too busy enjoying the show. And I know, as I watch, that I’m going to be thinking about her bending over like that tonight, and the next nighttoo.

“Leave that bite alone,” I finallysnarl.

She looks up at me, wide-eyed with surprise and hurt. I feel like I’ve just slapped a young child, and for a moment I am desperate to fix it. It’s a relief when her hurt turns to anger. Anger is something I canhandle.

“You need Prozac,” she says, glaring at me. “A bucket ofit.”

“No can do,” I reply. “It causes sexualdysfunction.”

She smirks. “And you’ve already got enough sexualdysfunction.”

“I assure you, all my parts work just fine. I can prove it, if you’dlike.”

“I’ll pass,” she replies. “If I’m going to have hate sex, it’ll be with someone less likely to carrydisease.”

The moment she says it, I can see it—hate sex, not disease. I can imagine the thousand ways I’d like to punish her for being such a pain in the ass, for my making my summer so fucking endless in the worst possible way. I feel a shot of excitement that begins in my stomach and seems to pulse through my limbs, as if I’m suddenlyelectrified.

That night, with someone else, I picture it again and finish seconds later. There are no words for how much I hate that I’m thinking of Erin during sex now. And the fact that it seems like I alwaysmight.

13

Erin

Present

The phone callsfrom my dad are bad, but they’re not the worst calls I get. No, the worst are the ones from my mom, telling me my father never came home from work and won’t answer his phone. Those are the nights I spend driving to Denver, with every car accident I pass sending my heart rate into the red zone. It hasn’t been him yet, but one day it will be. It’s only a matter oftime.

Tonight the call comes just after 2 AM. My mother, crying so hard she’s almostunintelligible.

“I don’t know what to do,” she says, again andagain.

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