Page 102 of Drowning Erin

I guess I am too, but for different reasons. That sense of foreboding I felt yesterday is still with me, as if there’s an hourglass somewhere, its sand spilling quickly. I don’t even know what happens when it reaches its end—I only know the result will be one I can’t livewith.

I knock on the door and a girl answers, peering at me through the tiny opening allowed by the door chain. I tell her I’m Will’s younger brother, and she slams the door and deadbolts it again. It occurs to me, too late, that maybe I shouldn’t have led with Will’s name since Sean got busted for possession while Olivia was staying at hisapartment.

I knock again. A minute later I hear the slide of the chain. Sean opens the door and lets me in. He looks jittery and strung out, but given that I’d expected to find him with his arm tied off and not knowing his own name, he’s surprisinglycogent.

"You don't know me..." Ibegin.

He laughs unhappily, derisively, still refastening the locks. “I knowyou.”

He says it like he knows I’ve done something wrong, but I’m not sure how he would. Erin hasn’t spoken to him inweeks.

“Is Erin okay?” heasks.

"No, not really. She hasn’t been able to find you. She’s worriedsick.”

He sneers. “You foundme.”

Not exactly. The manager at the restaurant where Sean was waiting tables had no interest in talking to me until he got a call from Beck. It was only once I was vouched for that he reluctantly directed me to the people on staff who might know where Sean hadgone.

“Look, I don’t want to be the one to tell you this, but your dad is in the hospital. And it’s prettybad.”

He stiffens. “Howbad?”

“He needs surgery, but they don’t think he’ll survive. They’re holding off on it until you getthere.”

Sean fastens the final lock and sinks into a chair, burying his face in his hands. Sweat beads at his hairline. “I can’t,” he says. “I can’tleave.”

I stare at him.What kind of selfish prick won’t go see his dying father?“You’re leaving, Sean, if I have to fucking carry you out of here. Even if you don’t give a shit about your dad, you owe this to Erin. For once in her life, she shouldn’t have to carry all this alone. So pull your shit together and be there for her. Foronce.”

“I can’t leave, okay? I walk out of here, and I’ll have a bullet in my head before I ever reach thehospital.”

I exhale. I don’t know how Erin’s put up with his shit for so long. I’ve only been around him for two minutes and I’m over it. “Why?”

“I was trying to get her money back,” he says. “I felt bad when I heard she and Rob broke up. I thought if I ran a few big deals for this guy, I could at least get some of it for her. But during the last one, I got robbed. They took everything. So now I owe this guy 15 grand I don’t have. I walk out of here, and I’m a deadman.”

“You can’t ask him to give youtime?”

Sean looks at me like I’m the biggest idiot he’s ever seen. “This isn’t the IRS. A guy like Danny isn’t going to fucking garnish my wages until I’ve paid itback.”

“You realize that if I could find you, they probably can too, right? You’ve got to go to the cops. Tell them you’ll give them information on this guy in exchange forimmunity.”

“Even if that worked, they’re not going to let me just saunter off to the hospital. I’d need to make bail. And believe me, no one I know has that kind ofmoney.”

I don't have a lot of sympathy for him, but the only pertinent fact here is that Erin loves him, and she would rather die than see him hiding here or locked up for life. If she learns what's going on, she'll somehow get the money together to pay this dealer off—probably by going back to the shitty job that made her miserable. Or worse, by getting it from Rob, leaving her beholden tohim.

I'd rather lose my whole business than see one more thing weigh her down rightnow.

“I have that kind of money,” I tellhim.

* * *

The police stationeats up most of the day, and bail eats up every penny of the money I need to keep my business running this winter. If Sean doesn’t return when this is over, my company is done. He’s said little to me all day, acting more like a resentful teenager than a grown man who just got his ass bailed out by astranger.

“Why are you doing this?” he finally asks as we drive to thehospital.

“Because your sister needs you,” I tell him. “And because she’s been through too much shit to have to deal with your shittoo.”

The sky is the brightest blue, the color of the Caribbean as your plane dips beneath the clouds. Cool outside today, too. A perfect day for biking. I hope when this is done I can hang on to my business, but there’s not a doubt in my mind I made the right decision. If her father were to die without seeing Sean, Erin would never forgiveherself.

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